My aunt (dad’s sister) passed away and I am back in town so I decided to go to the funeral. She had two children. Her son who lived with her and a daughter I will call Sue. They lived in a small town about 2 hours away. It was going to be a family viewing at the funeral home and then grave side service. As I was signing the guest book, a cousin I hadn’t seen in years came over and we started talking. This was in the hallway before you get to the viewing room. Sue came out and shushed us. I was embarrassed thinking we were talking too loud (even though I didn’t think so). So we went into the viewing room. There everyone was sitting and looking at a monitor with videos of the deceased. They had sad music playing but no one was talking, just sitting quietly looking at the monitor. After about 15 minutes, I whispered to my sister who was in front of me that I was going to bounce. She said she would go out with me because she had something for me in the car. She and her husband followed me out. Then their adult children and their family followed. My cousin also came out to talk in the parking lot. I noticed other people leaving also. We all talked in the parking lot for a little while and left. Sue contacted me on Facebook and said I runed her mom’s funeral by leaving and taking half the people with me. I don’t think I did anything wrong but apologized and said I had an emergency come up and had to leave. She then blocked me. I feel bad that I upset her at her mom’s funeral but I have never been to a funeral (family receiving/viewing) where no one was allowed to talk\`. AITA for leaving the viewing early and having half the room leave with me?
Update; Just for some clarification. In our family it’s normally a 3 day process. On day two there is a family night. This is where everyone gets together to talk and remember the loved one. In her case, there was no family night and this was billed as the family will be receiving during this time. We did not think it would be quiet time to stare at the monitor. Of course the process does change such as for my father, he was in hospice so we told everyone to come see him while he was alive as we would not be holding a formal family night once he does pass. This was his wishes.
NTA. It’s not like you stood on a chair and proclaimed, “This blows! Everyone back to my place.” Other people just took their cue from you and followed you out rather than sitting in awkward silence. That’s on them. If it wasn’t you leaving, they’d have left after someone else.
Lol this exactly. Sounds like others were just waiting for someone to make the first move.
NTA. You didnt force anyone to leave with you.
NTA. You paid your respect and left. If others followed that was their right as well. The cousin who was upset is just grieving and taking things out on you. Hopefully she will review the situation and move on.
NTA
It was a viewing…not the actual funeral. The funeral was a graveside service. Viewings are to share memories of the lost loved one. It sounds like people were wanting a chance to leave and they saw their chance when you left.
NTA, which surprised me based on the thread title.
The viewing is where people gather to grieve together which includes talking with each other, reminiscing about the deceased and times together.
Whatever your cousin was hosting wasn’t usual for most cultures that I’m aware of. I’m sure the others who left after you were grateful for being released from their confinement.
My condolences on your loss.
NTA, you stopped in for a viewing and left. That’s the norm.
NAH. This sounds more like a wake than a funeral. In my experience, wakes/visitations are more of a “come any time between this hour and this hour” situation. They’re not something you have to stay for the entire time. Although it is a little odd that you left 15 minutes after a two-hour drive. Did you really have an emergency? If you lied about that, that pushes you more to the AH category.
Bereaved people often take their grief out on someone who does not deserve it. They can’t be mad at the person who died, so their anger has to go elsewhere.
NTA at most wakes or visitations people talk quietly and share memories of the deceased. I’ve never been to one where complete silence is expected.
nah. a viewing isn’t a funeral and doesn’t have such formal rules. usually you file past the remains, pay your respects to the family, then leave or socialize with other mourners. what she had sounds uncomfortable and that is probably why so many left the same time you did. your cousin is grieving and it probably was upsetting to have half of the people leave at once.
NTA. A viewing is not a service. The service was later at the graveside.
And the people you allegedly took with you? They already wanted to leave. When you left, they saw their opportunity to do the same.
Have people not been to a viewing before? NTA, at all. I’ve never been to a viewing where you couldn’t talk. That’s absurd. And nobody stays for the entire time! You come in, pay your respects, chat quietly with folks. And leave when you’re ready.
I’ve been to about 4 wakes and funerals for family members, the first 3 (grandfather, uncle, and grandmother), were around 20 years ago and each wake had 4 viewings over 2 days. I stayed for the entire length for all 3 of them. And you know what I did? Caught up with family. I picked up my young cousin and swung her around calling her Super-*her name* while singing the John Williams theme (in the hallway outside of the viewing room of course). I chatted with my out of state cousins and we joked and quoted movies with each other. The fourth was more recently when I had my own kids, and I chatted with cousins who had their own children as our children played together. I can’t imagine being quiet for that long.
That’s exactly what a funeral is for! It’s for the living to reaffirm *life* while sharing grief.