Doesn’t seem like a big problem and 90% of the time I’m also on the night out, but the problem is it’s not always people we know.
Sometimes it’s our friends or people we know, other times it’s just completely random strangers?
Besides the safety element, it’s the morning after cleaning up, trying to get people to leave, washing the bed clothes in the spare room etc.
We have had a chat about this a few time’s, but once the drink kicks in, the chat is soon forgotten.
Am I wrong for being annoyed about this or is it just part of nights out?
NTA. Having randoms in your house is not safe. Why does everyone come back to your place instead of going somewhere else?
NTA. STRANGERS??? Has she never seen Dateline???
99.99% of the time I’m sure it is fine …. But that .01% is not the sort I want in my home. Just opens you up to risks of all sorts with strangers in your home.
NTA
ETA : particularly after a night out…
NTA, inviting strangers to stay in your house overnight is unsafe and you are well within your rights to veto that before they come in the front door. As for friends staying over, that’s not necessarily unreasonable but the person who invited them (i.e. your wife) should be the one to kick them out in the morning and clean up after them.
NTA. If you’re also out with her, why not just say to the people (especially strangers !!) that you’re not comfortable with that, sorry.
NTA. the fact that you’ve already talked about this multiple times and it keeps happening is the key detail for me. you aren’t responsible for managing the consequences of choices you didn’t agree to, especially when it’s your shared home and you’re the one doing cleanup and herding strangers out in the morning. boundaries don’t stop applying just because alcohol is involved, and it’s not unreasonable to want your house to feel safe and predictable. idk why people act like hosting randoms is just an automatic part of nights out when not everyone signed up for that.
NTA, but you’re kind of letting this continue by accepting the cleanup role every time. the fact that you keep having the same conversation and nothing changes is red flag behavior, not because she’s evil but because she’s not taking your discomfort seriously. if she wants to invite strangers over, fine, but then she needs to deal with the aftermath. you aren’t her sober cleanup crew. therapy or at least a real boundaries convo where consequences exist might actually be necessary here.
I had to double take to see if this was a rommmate situation
your WIFE is doing this???
The friends thing is okay, but random strangers in the home is insanely sus to me ngl, why does she insist on doing this?
NTA. I don’t see an INHERENT problem with inviting friends or even new people back to the house. In some subcultures (like club/rave scenes), the after party at someone’s house is pretty standard and fairly safe. BUT if it’s making you uncomfortable, or you just don’t want it to happen every time, you need to be clear about it and speak up in the moment. Yes it makes things awkward for a few minutes, but if you’re not up for it she needs to respect that it’s your home too.
How old are you both? This is the kind of stuff I would do in college when heavy drugs were involved, I can’t imagine inviting random drunk strangers into my house in my 30’s…is your wife an addict?
NTA
A night out does not include waking up to strangers in the house. Your wife has a drinking problem.
True story here. My husband and I once invited strangers back to our house who claimed they just needed to make some calls to arrange transportation back home.
We met them at a community support service we were working with at the time that had supposedly vetted them.
When my husband took the husband to the Western Union to pick up the funds to get them home while the wife stayed with me, they were met by US Marshall’s.
The US Marshall’s then came to my house arrested the wife. They had killed three people from Florida to South Carolina taking their vehicles and continuing up the coast.
We have never brought a stranger home since. NTA you never know who or what someone has done.
I’m almost 60 years old and have never invited even one random stranger to my home (except paid workers like a plumber.) who does that? It feels so dangerous and weird. How old are you two?
NTA. Bringing total strangers into your private home while intoxicated is a massive safety risk. You don’t know these people, their intentions, or their criminal history. The fact that she ignores your boundaries as soon as she’s had a few drinks is a huge red flag regarding her respect for you and your shared space.