i essentially hate the idea of someone being entirely dependent on me to take them places and i kind of want it to stop. so i live w a friend and we agreed that i would take her to get groceries with me and i do! this is fine with me. but the thing is, she’s started to ask me to take her to more places/pick her up and its kind of like er. 🤥
1) we are a 12min walk from the beginning of our campus. and idk y but tests end at like 10pm and she asks me to pick her up and it’s kinda like… i dont want to… bc its 10 i like to be in bed by then, im showered, it takes forever to remove my car from the garage. and basically the entire situation lasts 30 minutes. nd it kinda pmo cuz its like i dont want to be out when i dont need to. i walk those 12 minutes back from my test (realistically the entire walk is 30 minutes, but im not accounting for the time she’s on campus) so i dont see why she cant, and she can always rent a scooter or an uber or bring a bike or something idk. the only sketch part of the walk is some giant bush but its like not a very dangerous walk, we’re walking by student housing. so idk, its just that i dont see why she cant walk that late when shes done it before (once)
2) theres a cvs thats a 10min walk from me and she asked me to drive her and i said no and basically i had to walk there with her and idk y she couldnt walk by herself. it was broad daylight if that helps but like
3) i think she expects me to be able to drive her 15min out to her nail appointment, but like i dont want to. cuz then im responsible for picking u up. and i feel like a mother. and no im just not gonna be there. like it interrupts my schedule
4)she’s been wanting to go with me to get our brows done and for me it usually takes 20 min but if she comes it turns into 40 cuz i have to wait for her and its like dude, im doing everything fast on purpose and i kinda like the drive by myself. and idk why she cant go get her stuff done by someone on/close to campus like everyone else who doesn’t have cars/lives on campus
basically i feel like she’s dependent on me and i dont like the idea of that, especially when i need to like check my schedule and stuff and coordinate, like why cant she do it herself and how do i tell her i dont want to pick her up anymore/take her anywhere without calling her calling me a b!ch. once again i just feel like a mom.
AITA if i tell her i dont want to take her anywhere/pick her up unless its for groceries/necessary appointments
If you start feeding the seagulls, they swarm you. You keep giving this lady rides and have NOTHING in your post about ever saying NO. To the extent it’s become a problem, you sort of let your inability to say no, overwhelm you. You absolutely CAN draw boundaries, but BE AWARE, just like the seagulls, there will be a lot of squawking (and possibly sh*tting on you) and trying to gaslight you (not that seagulls do this part) as the bad guy.
You are NTA, except to yourself if you don’t put your foot down.
NTA but you need to grow a spine. She wants to call you a bi tch for not being her personal chauffeur? Congrats! She now doesn’t get to ride with you to the grocery store anymore either. You’re doing her a favor and she’s being entitled to your car.
I was the car-less friend in college and I managed perfectly fine by walking to the store or taking the bus.
Nta, put your foot down.
Tell her that if she insists on you driving her these for these short, yet inconvenient, trips, you are going to expect payment. This is your time and wear-and-tear on your car…neither of which is free.
Why did you need to WALK to the pharmacy with her during the day?!?! Did she want you to hold her hand, as well? You are not her mom or her body guard…part of adulting is learning to run errands on one’s own.
Learn to say no. Learn to set boundaries. Learn that some people will take it personally yet the world goes on.
And most of all…learn to put a value to your time and effort.
NTA, but please realize that you need to say no to groceries and any non-emergencies too.
If you let someone take advantage of you, they are going to take advantage of you. They will only stop when you stop doing things for you, and you have to at least be aware of the fact that while you might think of them as a friend, they may see you as a ride, and the relationship may change or end when you put your foot down.
But do it, sooner rather than later.
NTA – have you told her this? or are you just ranting to the internet? Honestly, tell her you aren’t her taxi service.
Start charging for her share of gas and wear/tear on car. Also, say no when it’s not convenient or you don’t feel like driving. Give friend a bus schedule and Uber number – tell her that it’s for her normal use as you can only help a little bit.
Finally, depending on how much driving you do for yourself, see if your car insurance offers a discount for low miles. If they do, get the discount and explain to your friends you can’t drive them as it will raise the miles and cost your discount.
NTA and I don’t know why this needs to be spelt out. Telling people no doesn’t make you an AH. Only people that are doormats and people-pleasers think that saying “no” is somehow disrespectful or mean. You have to learn to say “no” when you don’t want to do something. You don’t have to give excuses. You just say “No”, “No. I’m not feeling like it”, “No. I don’t want to”. No more explanation needed. This is an important life skill you should learn sooner rather than later.
You have to understand that when someone asks you for a favor, you have the right to say “yes” or “no”. If you can only say “yes”, that’s not a favor anymore. It’s coercion.
As an adult, you need to exercise the vital skill of saying NO- you do not owe her these rides and you do not like doing it. She is taking advantage of you and you are allowed to say ‘no’
NTA but you need to speak to her and let her know it’s not going to work out, she needs to find another way to get to CVS or whatever. It’s not heartless, it’s a boundary.
Just tell her no. And when she asks you to walk with her tell her no. When she asks you to do her a favour and you don’t want to then say no.
It is a short and simple word with a straightforward meaning.
YWBTA If you keep caving in and then complaining (internally or externally) about it.
Don’t want to? Then say no! Real easy
NTA. Just say no to driving her, especially when it is for small distances she can easily walk.
>without calling her calling me a b!ch
If she insults you because of this, you also have a perfect excuse to stop taking her to get groceries which you previously agreed to do. If she acts like an AH because of you refusing to be her taxi driver all the time, I bet you will feel even most justified in not driving her around anymore.
Charge your friend for gas money.
NTA. I’m sorry but I really dont have time right now. I really dont mind taking you with me if im going somewhere but I dont have the time to just jump up and be your sort of Uber. You say it nicely but if she gets angry or pouty, then be more agressive.
NTA and please learn to write in non-text speak, this was unpleasant to decipher