I’m having ongoing issues with a roommate and need perspective.
I (mid-30s queer man) live with Cameron (mid-30s trans woman) in a two-bedroom, one-bath duplex. We’ve lived together about a year and generally got along well. Cameron started dating Taylor (mid-30s) about three months ago. Taylor does **not** live here and has their own apartment.
For about four months, Taylor has stayed here nearly every night. When I returned from a three-week holiday, Taylor had belongings in Cameron’s room and has continued sleeping here almost every night, despite having their own place and using it only a handful of times.
I told Cameron I wasn’t comfortable with Taylor being here “basically every night,” especially when Cameron is at work, and that it felt like Taylor was living here. Cameron initially agreed to reduce Taylor’s presence, then backtracked, saying Taylor wasn’t living here and that they wouldn’t set firm boundaries with their partner.
After a few days of no contact, we talked in person. Cameron refused to limit consecutive nights but agreed to at least one night per week where Taylor wouldn’t stay over, though they didn’t want it quantified. I accepted this as a compromise.
Since then, Taylor has stayed here **every night for a week and a half**, and the agreed-upon boundary hasn’t been followed. Things have escalated: Taylor now ignores me entirely and has behaved in ways that feel physically intimidating (standing very close behind me without speaking).
Our lease limits overnight guests to 15 nights per six months, which I feel is too strict, but this situation far exceeds what feels reasonable for a shared space. I’m planning to revisit the conversation and push for a clear, quantified boundary.
Am I being unreasonable, or is this a valid concern?
NTA
Point out the clause in the lease.
Tell Cameron that if Taylor is there every night, she should pay 1/3 of the rent and 1/3 of the utilities.
No. That’s how they move in. Absolutely not.
NTA. They are in violation of the lease and the landlord should be informed.
It’s not out of line to not want constant visitors in your home, particularly if they arent contributing.
If Taylor has their own place, why cant Taylor and Cameron go there?
Taylor’s roommates probably enforce boundaries and don’t want someone sleeping over every night. lol
>Our lease limits overnight guests to 15 nights per six months,
If they continue to violate this, you could both face eviction. NTA.
The biggest AH move here is that you voiced concerns and were blatantly ignored. You need to have a firm discussion with Cameron about boundaries, respect, and if they want a full-time live-in partner, it might be best if they move in with Taylor and you find a new roommate.
If they keep ignoring you, voice your concerns to the landlord in a “I don’t want to get evicted for their actions” way.
Edit: I missed this part:
>Taylor now ignores me entirely and has behaved in ways that feel physically intimidating
Fuck. This. Skip the conversation with Cameron. They clearly don’t care how you feel. Tell the landlord immediately that you’ve had a discussion with your roommate about this and they continue to violate it. Have them removed from your home if they are going to get their partner to physically intimidate you.
NTA
I don’t know how you can best resolve this.
But you need to involve the accommodation owner/management or just move out.
You have not mentioned rent and utilities. If extra is not paid, they owe you a lot.
I feel concerned for your safety – if not physical, then mental. Or both.
NTA but it sounds like one of you may need to look for a new place to live.
There’s a reason for the limit in the lease. Taylor now or most likely has established his rights as a resident. Talk to the LL.
NTA
You pay half the rent and I’m assuming Taylor pays nothing. They are both taking advantage of you. I would tell them that either Taylor abides by your agreement or I will go to the landlord. Does Taylor even buy groceries or help with utilities?
Nta contact your landlord and let them know.
Taylor was probably living out of his car until he met your roommate who is unknowingly letting him use her.
Call. Your. Landlord.
I’d drop it with the roommate, but mention to the landlord that the partner is always there… point out their car and they will definitely notice it
Here’s where the discussion should begin AND end:
>Our lease limits overnight guests to 15 nights per six months
If the landlord learns of Taylor’s excessive overnight stays, you can BOTH be evicted for violating the lease.
This is no longer a question of feelings or opinions; *it’s a question of contract law.*
Cameron doesn’t get to put your housing at risk.
That’s all there is to it.
NTA.