I feel nervous to ask this so I’m using an alt account.
My (21F) grandparents have three kids (my mom and her brothers), and quite a few grandkids. I talk to my grandparents regularly because I do genuinely love them. My cousins ask them for money but don’t call them or talk. I do have an easier time talking to my grandparents, as I live two streets over, compared to my cousins in a distant state. Still, my cousins don’t call or send cards.
Here’s my situation: there are field study opportunities this summer at my school (the two that I’m specifically looking at are right within the field I want to enter), but I know my parents can’t afford it. My grandparents have more than enough money and would likely volunteer to help if I talked about it but I feel scummy about it, like I’d be taking advantage of them. I don’t want to take advantage of them, even if it means passing on these trips.
ask them if they’re in a position to consider arranging a private loan with you and you can start paying them back once you’re out of school. it shows initiative that you don’t want to take advantage of them and if they’re indeed well off / able to, chances are they may tell you they’re happy to help
Agree, this is what I would do, too. Asking for a loan signals you intend to pay them back, and it allows you not to feel scummy or like you are taking advantage. Even if they offer to cover it for you, you can still return the favor however you feel appropriate, monetarily or otherwise.
Grandparents may enjoy helping, if you are indeed sure they can afford it. Be sure to send them letters or postcards or visit to say thanks.
NTA
You wouldn’t be a monster to tell them you feel bad about telling them but there’s something coming up for X and you were wondering if they could help out? Maybe, in a good faith gesture, you could tell them you’d like to make it a loan or something, because you don’t want to abuse their kindness?
NTA – if they genuinely want to help, it’s their choice. You and they both know thats not the basis of your relationship.
I always feel bad about how much my grandmother has helped/does help – especially since we’re not struggling as adults. She said something that stopped my protests cold a number of years ago: “You can have it now, or you can have it when I’m dead. It’s more useful now.” – put things in perspective! (And I actually know I’m not actually in her will, as shes always left it to be just the children and never got around to adding grandchildren/great grandchildren. It’s her money, she can do whatever she likes with it – I have no claim to it at all. But that also means that if she wants to spend it doing stuff for all her great/grandchildren, there’s not much we can do about it!)
NAH
Wanting help for something that directly supports your education and career is not the same as using them for money. You already have a real relationship with them. You talk to them because you care, not because you expect anything.
The difference is intent. You are not calling just to ask for cash. You are considering sharing an opportunity that matters to you and letting them decide if they want to help.
You can frame it as sharing your plans, not asking for a handout. Something like telling them about the field study, why it matters, and that you are trying to figure out how to afford it. If they offer, you can accept without guilt. If they do not, nothing changes.
This is what family support is for.
It seems you have 2 choices. One is to ask for the money to do the field studies and further your education. The other is to not ask and forgo a good opportunity that could be important to your career.
As a grandparent myself, I am always happy to help pay for educational opportunities for my children and grandchildren.
Good luck!
Be honest with them. Tell them about the two that would be best and tell them you don’t want to manipulate the situation or take advantage of them, but you would be so thankful if they would consider helping with the cost. Make sure the know you love them and their decision would NOT impact your relationship. I’m sure they will appreciate the honesty.
Ask your grandparents for a loan and mean it. What they do from there is their choice but there is no need to feel scummy about asking for a loan you fully intend to pay back.
If they offer to pay, it’s an investment in your future. It’s not like you’re asking them to pay for a vacation or some other extravagance, therefore I hardly think it’s taking advantage of them, especially if they can afford it and it doesn’t cause them any hardship.
I am not a grandparent, but as a parent I say: ask them. If they want to help they will. That’s not taking advantage, it’s helping your family. Because you can and because you want to
You’re not a monster for asking for help to better yourself. Talk with them about the opportunities and ask if there’s anything you can help with to earn the money. Offer to clean their home, laundry and prepare meals. I’m sure they’d love to have you around more too.
I would be straight forward with them! Tell them you love and respect them, that they can say no, and that’s you’d love to help around the house or whatever to me it up, but that you’re short on cash for these work experiences. You can even say you don’t want them to think you’re taking advantage of them. I think they’ll appreciate the transparency instead of you dropping hints.