Hi, I wanted to ask about this issue because I’ve been feeling guilty due to the way my wife has felt about this.
Yesterday I was supposed to drop my wife and daughter off at her parents’ place where they were staying a couple of nights, and then go to visit some friends. Their house is on the other side of a railway crossing gate. And it can normally take a long time for it to open especially if its a goods train rather than a passenger one. But you can see her parents house from the other side. So yesterday when we reached that place, the gate was closed, in fact it had closed like a few seconds before we reached the crossing. After about 5 minutes, with no sign of the train for as far as we could see, no sound of it either, I asked her if she wanted to wait or just walk over. She said she could walk and she and our daughter crossed the tracks and walked to her house. Through all this I didn’t drive away, I stayed there until I saw them go in, and then drove away.
Today when I spoke to her, she seemed a bit quiet, I asked and she said she was upset that I had asked her to walk rather than wait with her in the car. She said she felt embarrassed explaining it to her parents. I told her I’d asked her, that she decided to walk, that we had no idea how much longer it would have taken, but she insisted I shouldn’t even have brought it up, that once I did she felt pressured to say yes. Which imo shouldn’t have been the case, yeah I needed to see someone later but I wouldn’t have had an issue with waiting.
I’ve been feeling guilty about it and wanted to know was I the AH?
NAH… but it IS illegal to walk across the tracks when the gates are down, so there’s that.
It’s illegal because it’s dangerous. I’m leaning towards ESH for the adults that put a child in that situation.
Yta your friends can wait 10 minutes for you to drive your wife and child to the door and drop them off properly. You made them get out and walk across train tracks to get to her parents house. You should be ashamed of yourself
While the crossing signal gate things were down too. I can not remember their technical name atm, Chuck E Cheese will fry your brain. (At least I think that’s what I understand from his post).
YTA- and is correct, you shouldn’t have even asked.
Are you the AH? Probably not.
HOWEVER…is this a hill you’re willing to die on?
Is it possible that it would be better to just say, “Hey, I’m sorry I made you feel like I was pressuring you into walking. I genuinely didn’t mean it to come across that way, and I am sorry it it did. Next time I will be more careful when I am just presenting two options and I am fine with either. I am glad you are safe, and I never want you to feel pressured to do something that feels unsafe. I love you too much for that.”
YTA for making the suggestion to do something that is flagrantly illegal.
“Do you want to wait or just walk over?” If the arm is down, it is illegal to cross. If there is some sort of legitimate malfunction, it is best to navigate around the crossing in question *just in case* something is coming. Do not screw around with rail road crossings. There are far too many tragedies that could be prevented if people respected that if the arms/lights are deployed – you do not cross.
You should have kept them in the car and waited. If the crossing never stopped being deployed, you should have found a different crossing to cross at.
You should have never even asked.
YTA. crossing a track with the gate down could have gotten her and daughter killed. Never do that. Manners is waiting and dropping them properly, not dumping them off.
YTA. If you wouldn’t have had a problem with waiting why did you even ask?
YTA. First it’s so dangerous to cross rail tracks after the barrier comes down. Second, you stuck around anyway so why not just let them wait in the car safely and drop them off directly at the house?
YTA. I don’t live in a country with trains but apparently it’s illegal to walk across the tracks when the gate is down, because guess what, you could have lost your entire family that way.
It would have taken time? Oh no, how terrible! More time with your wife and child! There is something more happening here: do you resent your in laws? Do they dislike you? Don’t put this on her: you basically talked her into doing something illegal and dangerous, and the fact that it turned out ok is no thanks to you.
I’m sensing an unreliable narrator but I can’t quite place why
YTA I don’t know how old your daughter is, but unless she’s an adult you need to be good role models when it comes to safety. Teaching her that it’s ok to cross the tracks when the gates are down could have lethal consequences if she tries to do that without adult supervision
YTA-you should never suggest somebody walks over active train tracks.