I’m genuinely torn on this and I’m looking for help, So when my ex moved out of our apartment, she took our laptop. It was our first purchase we made together and we paid for it equally. While it was pretty inconvenient that she took the computer without asking, that wasn’t the thing I cared about.
Over the past year and a half, I had written some music peices in GarageBand. I was pretty proud of it and even planned to put a few of them on YouTube. Music has been a personal passion of mine, and I had spent well over 100+ hours working on multiple songs. I couldn’t lose all that work.
So I called her, asking if she could just email me the files. But she said no, claiming that it was “too complicated” and that she didn’t know how. So I asked the if she could bring the laptop so I could do it myself. But she accused me of trying to take the laptop. So then I offered to come over for 5 minutes, email myself the files, and then leave the computer with her. But then she said that she didn’t want to do that because she didn’t wanna see my face.
I understood but I just couldn’t let my music go. She then ask me if I could just “rewrite all the songs”. But I explained to her that it wasn’t that easy, hours and hours were spent on those songs and I couldn’t just recompose everything from the top of my head. But she wasn’t listening. I finally sent her a “How To” video to help her out. But she called me ridiculous and said that if I asked agin, she would delete the files, and then I would have nothing to complain to her about.
That’s when I got scared and defensive. I pleaded with her over the phone, but she wasn’t having it. I finally started raising my voice at her. Yelling at her, asking what I could do to get the songs back. But she hung up on me.
It’s been two days since then and I haven’t heard anything back from her. I’m scared to reach out and ask again because I don’t want the files to be deleted. But, I also really want my songs back. Now I’m afraid I messed up. For all I know, she could’ve already deleted all my hard work without me even knowing. So am I the asshole?
Bro the songs are already gone and she’s trying to hide it.
NTA
you’re not getting them back even if she kept them.
(she didn’t)
NTA for wanting your songs back.
Yelling wouldn’t have helped, sounds like you were scrambling and dysregulated at that point though, no one’s perfect.
I can’t help but wonder why she’s so upset with you that she won’t let you have them though.. like yeah breakups suck but it’s like she’s punishing you.
Without knowing more i can’t really judge. I feel in general your ex seems like the AH with what is known so far. But how on earth did you not foresee that she had access to something important of yours?!
Do you have common friends? I think your ex is very angry with you. Whether her anger is justified or not is something I am curious about but it doesn’t really affect the next steps. You need to get a neutral third party trained on how to export the files and get them to you and that person has to contact her and get it done.
I mean I had an ex who cheated on me. I would love to have made him miserable by letting him worry about how to get his stuff back. But I understand the creative process so there is no way i would ever be able to delete anything and I’m also an adult so I would not actively be so childish as to threaten to delete it. At the most I’d just not reply and leave him on read so he could worry. But eventually I’d have replied and given it to him through a third party.
Are they backed up on the cloud by any chance? Could you log into that app on another computer and get them? I’m not sure how Garage Band works so I might be totally off base.
This!!
Dude if you have an iPhone or iPad and log in with the same Apple ID then you’ll be able to get anything that you have saved or backed up in the cloud.
But if you literally just have it saved on the laptop then you’re at her mercy, and probably shouldn’t get loud or angry.
Just curious, as someone who doesn’t yell- what do you hope yelling will achieve? Are you trying to scare the person into do what you want? Or elicit sympathy? or…what exactly?
NTA. Sometimes yelling is appropriate. Sorry about your songs.
Consider if you can contact any mutual friends, her parents etc to put pressure on her.
I actually was pretty close with her brother. But I’m not sure she would appreciate me reaching out to him. If it comes down to it I might say something to him.
ESH as I’m suspicious of what exactly you said.
Those files are legally intellectual property. Call the cops/sheriff, email yourself the files and leave the laptop
So she’d go through all the trouble to find them to delete them but not to send them? Karma will come her way unless you did something in yall relationship that validates her lack of sympathy
She probably just sold the laptop or wiped the drive and I seriously doubt her motive went any deeper than “this is mine now.”
if those files included .wav audio files (or any other uncompressed format), they’ll be waaaayyyy too large to email
ESH, but what you need to do is get a lawyer to send a demand letter for your property on the laptop.