He’s 15 and started to take an interest in the gym, much to my pleasure because it’s my hobby too.
He has came with me a few times and he’s legitimately naturally good at it.
Problem is getting him there. Most of the time he says he can’t be bothered, even when he’s done nothing all day.
Now I don’t mind paying his membership for him.
It’s not that expensive, but to be paying it and him not using it is a slap in the face.
I’d cancel it and let him pay for it, but he’s still at school earning no money, and even if he was, it seems like he wouldn’t bother.
Do I just cancel it? My gym doesn’t have a day pass option. You’re a member or you’re not getting in.
Every time you join you have to pay a joining fee *on top* of the first month’s installment.
Cancel
Cancel. He can pay for his subscription and don’t go in some months, when he can jave a job to pay for that. NTA.
Cancel it.
If he wants it again he earns it and pays himself. He’s old enough to understand the concept of money
Potentially YTA for *arguing* with him about it. He’s the billionth person to start a gym membership he doesn’t use. It’s not that big of a deal is it? He’s a kid who is figuring things out. Don’t make a drama out of this and just cancel it.
I’d just sit him down and explain how it’s wasting money and that you’ll have to cancel it if it’s not being used. Fiscal discipline is an important lesson to teach, just as much as health and exercise – maybe even more so.
Do it without anger though, 15 year old are full of hormones that tire them out, growing and developing takes a lot out of them.
It may not be realistic to have him go to the gym at his age. If he’s in to sports, that should be enough for him at his age.
I’d bet the real reason he thinks he needs to go to the gym now is wanting to look good to his peers (that’s all teenagers think about).
TLDR; no one’s the asshole. He’s being a teenager and you can be the good parent gently teaching him about managing finances and closing his membership.
Slap in the face sounds a bit much. Hes a kid. Hes figuring himself out. Just say you will cancel it and he has to earn it next time. Be a nice calm parent that teaches consequences. Teaches them to be calm to this children one day.
NTA
Many years ago, when my kids were in high school, they convinced their mom to get a gym membership because they were all going to start to work out. It cost me about $400 for the year, and I knew I was throwing away money, but I didn’t want to discourage them. My wife is a couch potato and I was hoping that she would accompany them. She even paid the extra fee for the child care play room because our youngest son was just a little dude under 5.
When my wife had her appointment for her initial membership thingy that they do, she dressed up in her standard mom jeans, did her hair and went out like she was going to a parent teacher conference.
I was confused because I assumed they wanted her in workout gear, yoga pants, stuff like that and mentioned it to her. You know, stuff you’d wear when they teach you how to use the gym equipment and kind of figure out your physical level is so they can develop a plan for you.
She goes all dressed up anyways, and of course, they were expecting her in workout gear. I think she’s embarrassed, but I’m not sure. She never went back, and this place is maybe 5 minutes away. I’m sure my daughter (whose idea it was) never went either.
I didn’t want to cancel it, because I didn’t want to discourage them…but I wish I had and got some of the money back since they never, ever used it.
I spent a lifetime in the Army and had almost unlimited access to the gym, but I tended to just do some pushups and situps in the living room, and go out for a run in the mornings and afternoons. It was free.
The problem here is that you want him to keep using the gym so just cancelling the membership doesn’t really help with this.
You need to find some way of motivating him to want to go. How about setting some (realistic) targets with a reward when he hits them.
NTA – this shouldn’t be an argument as you’re the parent and hold the purse strings. When you say he’s come “a few times”, what time period is that in? A few times/month is quite different than a few times over 6+ months.
You said that it’s not that expensive, so it sounds like part of the issue is disappointment. This would’ve been a great way to spend time together at an age where kids want to spend as little time as possible with us.
Don’t argue or get frustrated trying to coerce him into going. Instead, set the expectations (if you want to continue w- the membership, you need to go X times/month — making the number reasonable, maybe 3-4x/mo). Also, let him know that if he misses the goal X number times, you yank it (also see if the gym will pause his membership. Some do that).
Now you’re back in control. You can offer him to join you w/o frustration, but actions have consequences.
NTA-ish. The gym is about habit. Getting B.I.G. (butt in gym) can be really tough for a lot of different reasons. What worked for my son was finding out he excelled at it. He didn’t know because I had him on a program that allowed him to learn to feel the work, rather than worship the numbers. He attended his first team lifting session and expected everyone to be stronger because of my “limiting him.” Now he’s a minimum of 3 days/wk when not team lifting.
Be curious about his staying home. Let him know it’s not about the money, and you were really impressed with his lifting. It could be a lazy thing, it’s not happening fast enough, hormonal, or whatever. Just let him know you’re there, and would love it if he could join you from time to time.
NTA
I’d suggest telling your son to go x number of times a week or month (whatever frequency the two of you find reasonable), and if he fails to meet that, you will cancel the membership.
This way he knows it’s on him that it’s getting cancelled – it’s reasonable that you’re not going to pay for something that isn’t being used.
If he fails to go often enough and you cancel the membership, and he later decides he wants a membership again, he should have to pay the joining fee.
Give him a 30 day notice. A warning that this is coming and if he really wants to go, you’ll see it in this time. If not, cancel, but he’s been fairly warned that if he changes his mind he has to pay for reactivating and monthly dues himself, and he can figure that part out. At 15 he’s allowed to change his mind on preferred hobbies, but he’s old enough to know money doesn’t grow on trees and it isn’t unlimited. NTA as long as you give him a warning
NAH
How about asking *him*?
Next time he’s not doing anything but refuses to join you at the gym, ask “do you still want this gym membership? It’s expensive if you’re never going to use it.”
But also consider: he might want to go but not *with* you. There’s nothing like having a parent watching your every move to take the fun out of anything for a teenager. If he can’t drive himself, there’s not a lot you can do about it, but maybe take a class while he’s working out (and vice versa) so he has at least an illusion of independence?
NTA, but have you asked what he wants? Because if you ask and he says “no, please don’t cancel it”, then you have a perfect opportunity to relay your concerns about it being a waste of money of he doesn’t use it. If he says to cancel it, then it seems it got more complicated than it needed to be and you guys should have just communicated.
One more thought. There is a difference between him *never* using it, and him not using it as much as you. Be aware of your own feelings – if he still goes with you on occasion, then are you just hurt that he doesn’t always want to join you in your shared hobby all the time and so now you want to use a membership cancellation threat to get him to spend more time with you? If this is the case, I would change my answer. Otherwise NTA.