I live with two roommates and we usually get along. We split rent and bills evenly and haven’t had major issues, The problem is that after work, I sometimes need quiet time to decompress. When that happens, I go to my room, close the door, and clearly say I need some space. Even then, they come knocking, come into my room without waiting for a response or try to pull me into conversations because they are bored, I have explained multiple times that it’s not personal and that I just need alone time sometimes. Recently, I asked more firmly for them to stop interrupting me when I say I need space. They got upset and said I’m being rude, antisocial, pushy and that living with roommates means being available and part of the household, Now things are awkward, and they’re acting like I’m the problem. AITA for asking my roommates to respect my need for personal space
NTA.
Being roommates doesnt mean they are entitled
to unlimited access to you all waking hours you arent working.
Thank you so much
100% this. It also doesn’t mean that you have to be best friends. You are absolutely entitled to you own time and space.
I am actually going through something similar, but from the other perspective. My 17 year-old daughter is a Senior in high school who takes college classes, plays a sport, and has a part time job. On evenings when she is home and not doing schoolwork, my husband and I would like her to spend time with us. On many occasions, she wants to decompress and be by herself. It has taken awhile to get to the point to see, as a parent, that not spending time with us actually doesn’t have anything to do with us. Rather, it’s what she needs for her mental health.
NTA but your roommate is. Can you lock your door?
NTA i’d be petty and wake them everyday at 3am to ask random question and do conversation, and throw back at them their excuses.
But the mature things is to lock your room when you don’t want to be bothered
thank you so much, i needed this
NTA. You’ve given them a clear boundary and explained the reason for it. It’s not like you’re demanding they stay silent in shared spaces, you’re taking yourself off to your own room. They’re being rude and entitled.
NTA. You spoke to them that you need space, you arent cutting them off as well. You deserve space when you need it. they need to understand boundaries. Just because you are their roomate doesnt mean you need to entertain them 24/7. You arent being pushy, they are being too needy.
NTA. I would say, as someone who has to decompress after work, that they’re not taking you seriously and that’s disrespectful. It’s unfortunate but it seems they’re either not empathetic, or misunderstanding on purpose.
NTA. Your roommates sure are, though.
We learn the truth about our relationships when we say ‘no’ about something. When they disrespect or disregard or try to negotiate the ‘no’, they don’t respect the person saying the ‘no’.
Get a wedge or stopper blocker for you door if you don’t have a lock. Get some noise canceling headphones and be at peace.
And, no, being a roommate does not mean that you are ” . . . being rude, antisocial, pushy”. You also don’t have to always be “available and part of the household”.
As the lease comes up for renewal, find someplace else to live.
My general policy is that a roommate is someone I live with.
If we happen to become friends, great! If not, then we are polite and respectful to each other and that’s fine.
Everyone needs downtime, even if you are friends. Declaring you “antisocial” just because you need to decompress after work is ridiculous. Especially since it sounds like you participate in the social life at other times.
Use your lock, and tell them you’ll see them in an hour or so.
NTA. That’s not how roommates are supposed to act. Lock your door.
NTA. Do you have a lock on your bedroom door? USE IT. If they won’t respect your boundaries you’ll have to find firmer methods of enforcing them.
When I lived in a shared house we had a rule. If we closed our bedroom door, it meant we didn’t want to be disturbed. If the door was ajar, then it was ok to come in for a chat.
Maybe you could have a system like this, or get a do not disturb signs to hang on your door handles.
Just tell them again that you love them but your social batteries run out quickly at work and travelling home and you really need the quiet time when you reach the sanctuary of your room.
NTA