I (M) was on the phone with my girlfriend (F) when she suddenly said her mom texted her “get in the room now” and hung up. She was gone for about three hours. When she came back, she said she and her mom had a long conversation about her life plans.
The issue is that she has a history of lying and doing things in the past that seriously damaged my trust in her. Because of that history, I didn’t fully believe her explanation and felt uneasy about the situation.
I asked if she could send me a screenshot of the text from her mom, explaining that I needed reassurance because trust had been broken before and was still being rebuilt. Instead of answering directly, she stalled for about five minutes repeatedly asking why I wanted to see it, even though we’ve had past issues specifically related to trust and honesty. Eventually, I told her honestly that I didn’t trust her.
She then sent a screenshot, but the messages didn’t match what she originally said. The text said something different (“step into the twins’ room”) and later mentioned sending her location, which made me more suspicious.
I asked if she could share her screen so I could see the conversation directly. Each time she was about to show it, she claimed her mom was suddenly calling her, entering her room, or “acting crazy.” I didn’t hear anyone else during these moments. When I asked simple clarifying things (like to confirm where she was), she got very defensive, insulted me, and refused.
From her perspective, she says I was controlling, invasive, and wrong for asking for proof. From my perspective, I felt the stalling, inconsistencies, and defensiveness made things look worse, especially given the past trust issues.
So, AITA for asking for screenshots and screen sharing to verify her story, or was my reaction reasonable given the context?
YTA. Holy controlling. Get a grip.
Im gonna guess youre teenagers. When you have to take these steps the relationship isn’t a healthy one. As hard as it will be for you, you need to just walk away. There is someone out there that will be perfect for you, where the relationship seems effortless and happy. Find it, cause this isn’t it. Im gonna say esh, because youre both not being fair to yourselves by staying in this.
ESH
You’re being too controlling and she’s being too shady. You may as well just call this now and stop delaying the inevitable. Doesn’t sound like you’re going to trust her again or she’s all that worried about regaining your trust.
YTA if you don’t trust her break up, but you don’t get to control her or her phone. Go get therapy and work on your issues. There is no context where your behavior was acceptable.
YTA you’re too intense and controlling. She has to make up reasons she can’t talk & has to go because of it. I hope she figures it out quickly!
Holy jesus. “Get in the room now” and “step into the twins room” – and you’re quibbling over how that’s different? It came from her mom at the time she said it did? And you’re saying it’s not the same thing?
You’re really controlling, and you don’t trust her. Maybe you have reason not to, maybe you don’t. It doesn’t matter because this is so unhealthy. Neither one of you deserve to live like this.
You need therapy. She might, too, but you’re the one asking questions here. Deal with your trust issues before getting into another relationship.
Relationships can’t survive without trust. If you have to demand all sorts of proof from someone with whom you already have trust issues, you don’t need to be in a relationship with that someone.
NTA for asking for proof given the past history.
Whoa.
You do know that a relationship isn’t mandatory, right? If you’re in a relationship where you feel the need to have the person *share their phone screen* with you so you can *read their texts* because you do not believe the words that come out of their mouth, what is the point of that relationship? You cannot possibly be having any fun.
ESH. At the end of the day, you either trust your partner or you don’t. If you don’t, it’s unkind to continue a relationship with them.
YTA
You have trust issues? Break up with her and move on.
This? This is abusive, controlling, and raises nothing but red flags.
I don’t know what she did to hurt your trust in her, but even if she was a full blown cheater this is not healthy. Nobody deserves to have a collar around their neck and putting one around her neck will not heal trust.
Either forgive her for the past issues and choose to trust her or break it off.
ESH. Ngl, if she has a history, I can understand the fear. Also, she was acting pretty suspicious at first. As a dude with trust issues from a history with cheaters, you gotta work on yourself. If you genuinely can’t trust her anymore, leave. Not for her, but for yourself.
ESH you sound like you’re teenagers. Break up – you really don’t seem to be a good match for each other; she’s not being completely honest with you (about her mother’s verbiage, I guess?) and you don’t trust her.
She doesn’t owe you an explanation about where she is every minute of every day. What were you imagining? You sound extreme.
YTA. Being suspicious of literally everything your partner does and says is a sign that you shouldn’t be in a relationship. Either you trust or you don’t, and if you don’t there’s no point in wasting your time or hers.
Asking for screenshots of their conversations with other people is controlling and abusive.
ESH
She could easily have given you peace of mind, or just ended it. Instead she’s just keeping you on the edge of disbelief, so that you feel like absolute crap, but you feel you don’t have enough evidence to leave. It’s inhumane. It’s crazy that you’re still with her despite it all.
And you, you’re really unstable, and way too indecisive, you shouldn’t be in a relationship at all. I highly recommend you end it. Just so you can work on yourself and healing from whatever caused your trust issues.
This isn’t the time for you to be in a relationship, especially a toxic one.