Me and my GF have been going out 5 months now. Her 39th birthday is in December (for context mine is in march and i will be 40) and i booked her a 4 night trip to Venice for this. She says that i shouldn’t of booked such an expensive a trip for an insignificant birthday as it is too extravagant. Also this now makes her feel she needs to match it for mine (she booked a weekend in Whitby). I didn’t think of this at the time and wasn’t booking it to get something in return.
We can’t see to agree on which one of us is right, so looking for some outside advice.
Thanks
Yta. You mean well but extravagant gifts early on can create a sense of obligation and pressure
agreed. if you want to do expensive trips together, it’s best to plan it together (especially this early in a relationship) so everyone is happy & comfortable. nice idea, just a bit much
YTA
Such gift at 5 months in, that she’s going to “get” in December (which is in more time that you’ve been together) is *a lot*.
It implies reciprocity, it makes the relationship feel very serious.
I know you had good intentions but inadvertently turned into love-bombing.
I hesitate to say YTA because you do mean well, but… that’s a very expensive birthday gift to give at just five months of dating. She definitely isn’t wrong but I think youre more in the wrong. But again, not necessarily an asshole move. So
NAH
YTA…you mean well, but it’s early days in the relationship. Also, I would never book a trip for someone BEFORE making sure they actually want to go, and they’ll be available.
Yeah, maybe if everything was completely refundable and you stressed that you just booked it now because you were excited and wanted to offer it with a clear view of what it *could* be, but emphasizing from the get go that you in no way are thinking of it as a done deal and are 100% okay with her canceling if she doesn’t want to / can’t or rescheduling if different dates work better for her (and you can do those dates too)
Planning a big trip would have to be a joint discussion lol
It’s a nice thing to do but personally I have always discussed trips before booking, particularly early on in the relationship. There can be a lot of things to sort out before going on a trip and to effectively force that on someone by making it a surprise feels too much.
Especially in such a recent relationship. 5 months is early to be planning get aways.
I wouldn’t say you are an AH, but it’s a very generous gift for such a recent relationship. Plus did you confirm dates with her before you booked? It would be an Ah move if you didn’t
That’s pretty extravagant for 5 months of dating, but by December, it will have been over a year. So you are investing in the future 🙂
Tell her you don’t expect anything in return, but that you’re looking forward to a weekend in Whitby in March, and a wonderful year with her ahead. And buy trip insurance.
NAH
YTA, I don’t care if you mean well or not, it’s thoughtless and disrespectful. You aren’t in a long enough relationship to assume this is okay, what if she made other plans for those days? I hope your payment was refundable.
It would have been a VERY SWEET surprise to just tell her this is what you wanted to do, and book it together. a surprise after paying it’s taking choice out of her hands, not sexy.
> We can’t see to agree on which one of us is right, so looking for some outside advic
She can’t be wrong in her preferences. You can’t prove to her that she should appreciate something that she told you she doesn’t want. You can say “I didn’t realize, it won’t happen again” and move on. Trying to prove anyone right or wrong here is the AH move.
NAH You were trying to be nice and it’s not a competition. Gifts don’t have to match in value. It’s the thought that counts.
I think it takes a bit of time in a relationship to figure out the gift giving part. You’re in the learning phase.
YTA. People need to be consulted when you make big expensive plans that involve them.