I (20F) am in college and so is my sister (19F). We go to different colleges though and have only one car under our names to share. Recently, I haven’t been liking going to my sister’s college to pick her up or drop her off. At first, I thought it was the location, but now I think it’s her that’s giving me bad vibes.
I’d like to preface this by saying that she has had an irrational hatred towards me, and only recently has been less hateful to me. (She figured out what was making her hate me so much and has fixed the issue.) She has had a bad habit of being bossy and snappy at me in particular. I’ve had to walk on eggshells around her, but even my presence annoyed her in the past. I don’t know if that’s still the case now, though I doubt it.
Whenever she drops me off at my college campus, I usually thank her and wish her a good day, because that’s what I’d do with my mom whenever she drops me off somewhere. But when it’s my turn to do the driving, it’s either radio silence from my sister or a disrespectful comment. She once said that she hates my driving after we got home. To which I responded that if she didn’t like my driving, she would be driving next time instead. When next time came, I enforced that and she wasn’t happy with it. Actions have consequences. I’d also like to note that I drive safely and avoid highways. My routes are slower, but I’m more comfortable with driving that way, and I don’t mind the extra time it takes to get to where I need to go. My sister prefers getting to places faster though via highways.
I brought up my discomfort about driving to my sister’s campus, but didn’t state the reason why I didn’t like driving there to her. The reason I didn’t tell her is that I know from experience that she’d get defensive and somehow blame me or redirect the topic onto how I’m not free of criticism either. I offered an alternative where we could drive to our respective campuses on days when the other needs the car, get out, and the other could switch to the driver’s seat and go to their own campus. (I hope that made sense)
The thing is, she doesn’t like this alternative and is being really bossy about wanting to be driven to her campus when I need the car. Sure, that’s the simpler option, and that’s how it’s been done for other semesters, but we’ve barely even tried the new option that could be more comfortable for me. She told me to get over it.
So, Reddit. Should I just get over it and deal with the disrespectful vibes my sister gives off? Or should I put up a boundary?
info – is this a car owned by your parents who are expecting you to drive each other?
It’s an old car my mom has owned for years. It’s fully paid off, but my name and my sister’s name is on the insurance. This is the only car we are legally allowed to drive and we split the insurance cost 50/50. We can’t drive the other two vehicles, which belong to my mom and dad. My mom goes to the same college as my sister, but my mom’s classes last all day, whereas my sister only has a few classes a day. My dad is retired and is a stay-at-home dad. While my dad could take either one of us to our campuses, he wants us to figure it out without using him.
In light of your father wanting you to work it out, it is time to bite the bullet and have a healthy conversation with your sister. If it’s helpful, get one of your parents to help mediate. If this won’t work, it does not seem you have the ability to set any boundary your sister will agree to as long as BOTH of you MUST use this source of transportation. Obviously finding an alternative ride would help, but if it was that easy, you’d have done it already.
NTA.
Bottom line, she complains about how you drive. Your solution is to have her drive, basically whenever she is in the car. Since presumably you do not comment or complain about her driving, this is a reasonable solution that would apply to any two people.
So yes, she can drive to her school, and then she gets out. You’re the only one who has to change seats, so it should be no bother to her.
I imagine, like a lot of people, she enjoys complaining about things, and she can’t complain about your driving if you don’t drive. If she doesn’t like your solution, the alternative is for her to stop complaining about your driving.
NTA. If this is new to the manner of how y’all communicate, might be worth asking to get a coffee with her and just have a calm chat. Maybe school anxiety? If this is how she always communicates, oh well.