I’m T, a high school student, and I’m honestly really conflicted.
I recently transferred to a new school and socially it’s been rough. V is currently my only close friend in my class. If we fall out, I’m pretty sure most of the class would distance themselves from me too. So this isn’t just about a project, it affects my everyday school life.
Earlier this year, V and I started a youth-led environmental NGO together. In the beginning, I agreed to call both of us founders. I already had experience working with around 15 to 16 NGOs, while V had none, but I thought she had potential and I wanted to be inclusive.
Pretty quickly though, the responsibility became uneven. I handled the structure, documentation, outreach, content strategy, volunteer coordination and long-term planning. I recruited about 95 percent of the active team members, expanded the organization and made sure things didn’t fall apart.
V helped with the first drive, which I genuinely appreciated. After that, her involvement dropped a lot. She was supposed to help with social media, but I ended up creating and posting most of the content myself. When she did help, it was usually only after I gave very specific instructions and ideas. She rarely took initiative on her own. When I brought it up, she said exams were coming, but at the same time she was constantly doomscrolling on Instagram and making reels.
Another complication is that my parents don’t always allow me to go out for on-ground work. Because of this, I coordinated everything remotely, finding volunteers who could execute drives, managing logistics online and following up so the work actually happened. The drives continued mainly because I planned them and found people to carry them out.
I also helped V get into another NGO separately, which she later left due to lack of commitment.
Over time, I started feeling uncomfortable with the co-founder label being used equally. I had accepted it earlier partly because she would say things like you’re the real founder-type and imply that I should handle most of the responsibility anyway. I ended up feeling guilt-tripped into doing almost everything while still sharing the title.
When I later tried to explain that founder-level recognition should reflect sustained leadership and execution, she got upset and said I was undermining her.
I did all the work, its going good because of me, I make sure all events happen, I did everything and she thinks making one post is amazing
I don’t want to hurt her, and I’m scared of losing my only friend in my class. I do have friends in other sections and classes, but this feels different. At the same time, I’m starting to resent that my work is being treated as an equal partnership when it hasn’t been.
AITA for wanting founder recognition to reflect actual contribution, even though we technically started the NGO together
YTA
Why would you lie about that?
YTA
You agreed she was a co-founder.
That isn’t something you can change or remove retroactively, because you can’t change history. A statement of who the founders were, isn’t a statement about who did more work, it is a statement of who was involved in founding the organisation – which you agreed she was.
You’re welcome to *now* say “well, she doesn’t actually work with us anymore” but it doesn’t make sense to try to change history based on that.
Ronald Wayne, co-founder of Apple with Jobs and Wozniac, fully sold his $500 share and ended his involvement 12 days after founding the company. He is still a co-founder decades later, because that is what the word means.
Who cares? It’s not a business. You’re not getting shafted. It’s an NGO. What’s important is the work that’s being done and that someone is doing the work. It’s not that important who started the ball rolling. V did found the organization with you, even if she was not as enthusiastic and you did most of the work. Why throw away a friendship over something so petty? Be the bigger person and share the credit, even though you deserve it more.
yta
You are conflating two different issues. At the beginning you both agreed that it was both of you who were starting things as co-founders. That’s what happened you can’t change the past. Her not pulling her weight is a different issue that doesn’t have any bearing on how things started. You can change things going forward but the founding is what it is.
I’m gonna be honest, it doesn’t matter at all. And YTA for letting resentment build over doing optional work you made the choice to take on. Why doesn’t it matter? You’re in high school and regardless of how far you take this NGO, it’s likely not going to be anything more than an entry on a resume for V after highschool. Just let her have that. That is probably why she is concerned about the title, because she wants to be able to put it on her resume. You also agreed to make her a co-founder and said she did do work to help set the NGO up for success in its infancy. Not allowing her to claim founder status would be going back on your word. I think you’re not a massive asshole because you’re self aware enough to make this post, but you need to be more aware of the resentment you’ve let build. That’s on you
YTA. You aren’t the sole founder, you can’t change history just because you are putting most of the work. However, you could try going for an ownership title, like president.
She is the founder whether she did work afterwards or not. Whether the father is present in a kid’s life or not, he is still the father of that baby. You just can’t take that away.
Words having meaning. You’re co founders. You need to grow up.
YTA – and your belief that you would not be is likely why you do not have more friends.
They founded it with you by your own admission. They stepped back afterwards and did not contribute equally, but that has literally nothing to do with being a co-founder.
You value a title, that has no value, no merit, no anything attached to it other than your ability to say – I did this all by myself (when you did not) over telling the truth and maintaining a friendship.
SO you would rather lie, and take all the credit for something undeservedly – over a friendship?
You sound like a great person.
YTA. Lots of organizations have founders that don’t continue working for the organization. They are still founders. You look petty and insecure when you try to alter history by claiming your friend wasn’t a founder. A good leader is magnanimous and praises everyone who helps, even if they only help a little bit.
You can say “I run this organization, which Friend and I co-founded”. Or “Friend hasn’t had a lot of time for the organization recently, but she did help me found it.”
How about labeling her as a co-founder, which, technically, she was, and — since you’re the one who makes things happen — labeling yourself as executive director and co-founder?
Stop calling yourself a cofounder. Start referring to yourself as the Leader, Organizer, or whatever title you feel is appropriate.
Stop referring to your friend as a cofounder. If she’s not showing up for these events, there’s no reason to talk about her at all. If you do have the necessity to discuss how this organization got off the ground, just say it came out of conversations between you and your friend. When asked if she’s involved in the organization still, be honest and say she’s still involved behind the scenes, but you’re taking the helm on XY and Z.
Here’s a lesson for you. Even if you’re doing all the work, turning around and taking all the credit is not a good look. Makes you look power hungry, and unappreciative of other people’s contributions. I’m not saying you need to bring her up in every conversation but being magnanimous, recognizing her contribution, and her input in the conception of this organization we’ll go a long way.
There are tons of organizations that are run by other people, but still acknowledge the founders of the group. Lots of people move on from organizations and leave them with other people to lead.
I don’t think you are an AH but I think you are seriously undervaluing social currency.
I’m the same type of worker as you are. It’s why I generally eschew group projects and do things where I can delegate or keep hands on. So, I understand your frustration with someone who wants credit for work not earned.
At the same time, why rock the boat with the one person you have social currency with? In the long run does this actually matter?
You’ve had experience with 15-16 NGO’s and you are on track to do great things. But, you will accomplish little if you don’t also learn how to get along/work with people (including those who have lesser principles).
Yta