I’m not sure where to begin with, 5 months ago I joined a uni to pursue my masters degree and I met two girls names lia an mary whom I became friends with. At the beginning of our friendship it was good and I felt that I belonged with them. But as months passed, I noticed that I’m being ignored and avoided and they would hang out all the time leaving me out. Not only this, they don’t involve me in their inside jokes and always leave me on read whenever we talked on the group chat.
I actually did not make this a big issue in the beginning cuz I’m a very passive person and don’t like making fuss about something like this. I was planning on not being friends with them anymore cuz the more I was with them, the more I was getting hurt. One of the things they always did was shit talk about people in my class and body shaming them and mock their dressing sense which I did not like but they were comfortable enough to do it in front of me. They were hating on a person named Brianna from our class and everyone knew there was some tension going on between them and Brianna… One day this Brianna came and talked to me and we were chit-chating about random stuff and she asked me about these girls in particular and their opinion on her cuz they were aware that something was going on between them. And I told them everything that they talk about and the way they treat them behind their back and I did not add anything new to this and I was just being honest and told her to stay away from them. And when I said that, she were deeply hurt and she directly asked those 2 girls about this issue with them and why they were shit talking about her on that day which I didn’t know happened but I did tell Brianna not to ask the 2 girls on this issue and that I told her this stuff cuz I didn’t wanna get in trouble and just wanna be left alone at that point. But they did not say that I told them but did ask on this stuff which very obviously points the finger at me that I was the one who told her.
The next day, mary said "Someone from our class told Brianna about something me and lia never did and shit talked about me and I wanna know if it’s you who said that".. I was actually taken aback… And in a hurry I said that I did not do it and that I didn’t know who would do anything like that and tarnish your and lia’s name like that. For a few days nothing happened, but after some days everyone from my class stopped talking to me including Brianna. They were all ignoring me even more and this is stressing me a lot. But now Brianna is friends with both lia and Mary which is kinda shocking to know. But I just wanna know if I did anything wrong cuz it is making me feel really bad about myself and that I wasn’t loyal to my friends. I would like your opinion on whether it was my fault here that feeling lonely now.
My guess is that those other girls told her that you were the one who made the hateful comments and they distanced themselves because of your shit talking everyone. Unfortunately there is no way to counteract their lies. However, you accepted their behavior as long as you felt included. You only spoke up about their comments after it was clear you were no longer part of their group. It was not nobility that made you out them to Brianna. ESH
YTA for lying. I find it hard to believe that you are a college student with your spelling, grammar and childishness. You are either in Middle School or High School at best.
In the future, choose your friends better. Anyone who gossips about others is gossiping about you when you aren’t there.
This on all counts. As I read the post, my first thought was how could this possibly be graduate school? Masters degree students? More like 14 year olds. Seriously, OP, why did you continue to hang out with people who were clearly rejecting you and were terribly mean about others? And then gossiping to Brianna? 14 years old is why.
You haven’t shown good judgement in hanging around with people who gossip, are mean, and leave you out, and then by gossiping to Brianna. If you find yourself some nicer friends, stop being silent when your acquaintances trash others, and stop gossiping behind people’s backs, you won’t be in this position again.
As for being a passive person, nonsense! If you go along with meanness and don’t stand up for others the way you’d want others to stand up for you, you’re complicit. It’s a very poor excuse. Work on developing more of a backbone.
YtA
> But as months passed, I noticed that I’m being ignored and avoided and they would hang out all the time leaving me out. Not only this, they don’t involve me in their inside jokes and always leave me on read whenever we talked on the group chat.
mmmhmm
> I’m a very passive person
I get your saying your passive in confrontation, but its very possible this passiveness is why you feel ignored. If you have two more outwordly people in a throuple, the passive one will naturally end up kinda silenced. Just point it out, may have nothing to do with your issue.
> which I did not like but they were comfortable enough to do it in front of me.
Possibly cause you being passive felt like you co-signed.
> I did tell Brianna not to ask the 2 girls on this issue
Not everyone is passive like you.
> I was actually taken aback… And in a hurry I said that I did not do it
YTA. Passive and a liar is a bad bad mix. So you only speak to betray confidences?
> They were all ignoring me even more
As they should. You can’t be trusted.
> Brianna is friends with both lia and Mary which is kinda shocking to know.
Its not shocking. They are truthful people. If you speak open and honestly, you can recover relationships when you make a mistake, intentional or accidently. When you are a snake though….
ESH. You really shouldn’t have gone into detail about what they said since it clearly hurt Brianna, and it’s not really your business. You should have just left it as them not being good people that she shouldn’t hang out with.
YTA.
Why were you friends with them in the first place?
If your opinion of them is so bad you tell others to stay away: Take your own advice.
I’m not friends with them anymore. I distanced from them a long time ago.
NTA, abusers spoil everything around them.
1. Abusers will always be looking for their next target
2. They have done you a favor, because the best response to abuse is to leave – get as far away from them as possible. Check your syllabi for classes; if there’s one with a group project, let the professor know that you will not be able to work with Mary, Lia, or Brianna. Just those words, “I will not be able to work with them, please don’t assign us together.”
3. Their target is you for now, but they won’t stop. Other people will figure it out when they hear all that Mary and Lia have to say.
4. Stay professional, polite, calm, friendly.
5. If you need classwork help, work with your teachers and their assistants, not classmates.
6. If anyone asks about what’s going on, say “Brianna asked me if I knew why there was tension with Lia / Mary. I explained there were a couple of things Lia / Mary said about Brianna and others that made me not want to be their friend, but I guess they told Brianna I was lying. I’m sure Lia and Mary will repeat themselves at some point and Brianna will figure it out.”
Do’t pay much attention to all this drama. I did a masters. As soon as we got our degrees, the social groups broke up. Jobs came from professors or career fairs + really good grades, not your classmates.
Thanks for your reply. I’ll look after myself.
So, this two girls are bad news. Stay away from them is the good choice.
But Brianna also used you to get info about them/what they say.
By telling her, you spread gossip too.
Stay away from the 3 of them and do you.
Btw, you are doing a masters, focus on that. This sounds so high school. I mean it well, I am not judging you.
Right. Thanks 🙂
❤️