I live in a household with extended family, and growing up I have often been expected to help more around the house because I am the youngest. I do not mind helping at all, and I have never refused to do chores when asked. On a normal day, I already help with cleaning, washing dishes, and running errands when needed. I understand that helping out is part of being in a family, and I try to contribute as much as I reasonably can.
Recently, we had a family gathering at our house with several relatives present. After everyone finished eating, I was told to clean everything up by myself. This included clearing the table, washing all the dishes, and cleaning the kitchen. While I was being told to do this, the older relatives went to sit down and relax, some of them watching TV or using their phones. I had already been tired from a busy week at school and had helped earlier in the day preparing for the gathering.
Because of this, I calmly asked if the chores could be shared instead of one person doing everything. I was not trying to argue or avoid helping. I just thought it would be more reasonable if a few people helped clean since everyone had eaten and there were many capable adults present. I made sure to ask politely and did not raise my voice or act disrespectfully.
One of my relatives immediately got upset and said I was being disrespectful just for asking. They told me that younger family members should not question instructions and should simply do what they are told. The situation became awkward, and I felt embarrassed for even speaking up.
To avoid making things worse, I still helped clean up. However, I did not do everything alone. I focused on a portion of the work and stopped once it was clear that no one else intended to help. Since then, some relatives have been acting cold toward me and have made comments about me becoming selfish, ungrateful, and unwilling to help around the house.
I feel conflicted because I do not want to cause family tension or be seen as disrespectful. At the same time, I do not think it is fair that helping always means one person being expected to handle all the work while everyone else rests. I genuinely want to know if I handled this the wrong way.
So, AITA?
NTA. I realize this is likely cultural to some extent, but some customs need badly to change, this being one.
When “culture” equals abuse- its just abuse.
NTA, not sure if this is a tradition thing or just lazy older family. As much as my step father and I didn’t get along, he would usually cook (mom did as well sometimes) but he shared dishes with me. We alternated days washing and I believe he would do the larger pans anytime he used them.
If this is a tradition thing based on where your from, I’d say stick to it and once you are out and living on your own, make a new tradition and have people alternate or just all work together clearing the leftovers and dishes.
IMO certain traditions (women must cook, etc.) are antiquated and just plain wrong to begin with. They are a product of the past and society should move on from them.
1000% NTA. It pisses me off to no end when the bulk of housework is conveniently left to one person, usually the sister, and everybody else gets to relax as if they’re on vacation.
Any culture that values age of treating all parties with common decency and respect is garbage and i don’t care who downvotes me. All people are people and we should never allow people to degrade someone because they happened to be born after someone else. To say otherwise is low class.
Exactly this. Just because someone is older than me, doesn’t mean they deserve more respect than I do. If they are able, then they can help. If they were disabled or struggled in some way, then of course they don’t have to help. Being an elder doesn’t mean the younger generations become your slaves.
Definitely NTA for asking for help.
What’s the cultural context here? I think you might receive more helpful feedback or advice from people who better understand your family’s expectations.
No one should be doing all of the chores at a family gathering. NTA
NTA.
This is why some kids move across the country and go low or no contact. Resentment is a heckuva motivator
That was me. Well into adulthood I was the clean up person. Never my older brother or his wife.
Until the Thanksgiving I showed up on crutches. My husband got me situated and said I had to stay off of my knee. The house still got cleaned.
There was nothing wrong with my knee.
😯👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏❗ I hope you kept your husband.
Because he knew the assignment and acted on it ❗
40 years this November!
We just celebrated our 34th last October.
Mine put my sister in her place! She is six years older than me. I am a Celiac and she said I was using it for attention.
He told her that if she hid wheat rye or barley in anything that she said was gluten free.She would personally have to follow me to the bathroom and help me clean up. Everyone’s mouth dropped open.
So yes I am keeping mine until the very end.
Nta op
Your female, aren’t you. This is the other half of why they treat you like crap. Not just because you’re the youngest.