Hey yall, something is bothering me and i wanted to get everyone’s input.
i celebrated my birthday about two weeks ago with a group of small friends. we went out to dinner together. I was supposed to have a bigger party but that didn’t work out. Anyways, someone that I consider to be one of my closest friends,Jenny, was there and she didn’t get me a birthday gift. I know that sounds like a stupid thing to be mad about so let me explain why it’s kind of bothering me.
I’d say that I’m one of her closest friends and vice versa. Last year (2025) I invited her to my birthday dinner but she canceled on me last minute. Her cancelling last minute was becoming a bad habit and she was being very flaky at the time so I finally confronted her. She gave kind of a half assed apology. Eventually I found out months later why she was acting weird during this period (surprise it was related to a guy), and while I thought it was kind of a cheap excuse, I let it go. I’m not the type to hold grudges. She never gave me a birthday gift, but like i said it was a one time thing at the time so I didn’t care that much. I will also add she didn’t display this behavior with her other close friends.
Anyways, about a month later one of our other friends, Lauren, had a birthday party and Jenny went OUT OF HER WAY to get her the nicest gift ever. We went to three or four different stores and the gift was worth well over $50. flowers, gift cards, everything. I wasn’t salty at the time; i thought it was sweet but i couldn’t help but feel \*\*a little sad that she hadn’t done that for me. But like i said we resolved the earlier conflict and I wasn’t gonna make a huge deal out of it. Her and Lauren were equally as close as me and Jenny, \*\*maybe slightly closer.
A couple months later Jenny had a birthday party and i got her a gift. it wasn’t the most glamorous, but it was something.
Anyways, flash forward to January 2026 and i have a small bday dinner. I wasn’t expecting gifts from everyone, but admittedly I was expecting something from Jenny, especially since I had went out of my way to get her something. At the end of the night a couple of my other friends had given me a gift but i didn’t get anything from her. She DID pay for my meal, which was like $25, and i genuinely am not trying to complain. I’m grateful she thought to do that but i guess i just wish she would put more effort into our friendship. i feel like i care more sometimes. I understand that she’s probably busy with work right now, but we all have stuff going on. I’ve gone out of my way to do things for her, she’s gone out of her way for others, but I feel like she doesn’t go out of her way for me.
Idk guys, AITA for feeling this way? Or is Jenny justified for paying for dinner and no gift. Any advice would be appreciated!
So no one should be obligated to get you a gift AND she paid for tour meal which is a gift.
I get that you feel you should have equal to more money spent on you than she spent on someone else, but that isn’t how gifts work. You shouldn’t expect anything and you shouldn’t expect someone to spend a certain amount. You also shouldn’t give a gift to get one in return, you give a gift because you want to.
It sounds like you’re really cut up about it, so speak to Jenny, let her know that you’re upset not to get a gift. But what she does with that information is up to her.
Looks like you she’s not that much of a friend to you while you cling to her
I would start matching energy.
Pay for her dinner next birthday with no gift and see where the friendship goes. Doesn’t sound like she values you the same as you value her.
You sound very immature.
Stop having birthday parties. Stop giving and expecting gifts. You don’t know how to be a good friend if you’re not only tracking money spent between the two of you for birthdays, but also what she has spent on others.
If you don’t hold grudges, why are you online posting about it?
YTA. Not because you care about the birthday gift. Birthdays are very special to people, including myself, and it hurts to feel uncared for. You don’t deserve that.
You say that you don’t hold grudges, but this entire post is a grudge. You have kept a mental record for a whole year of what you and Jenny give. So much so that now you feel owed a $25 debt. I know you don’t ACTUALLY think that, but your pain from her lack of friendship is causing you to actually sit down and think about how a free dinner might not be enough.
It sounds like she might not be a great friend, but YTA in this situation. She bought gifts for the other friend because she hosted a party; she didn’t buy one for you because she paid for your dinner and her own. Hospitality-wise they’re opposite situations.
I’m not going to say don’t do birthday dinners like this, they’re common in my circle, but you don’t get that *and* gifts. Pick one.
You got a gift — dinner. Say thank you and get over it.
Yta birthday dinner is a gift.
My boyfriend’s gift to me some years ago *was* a meal. I would assume the meal *is* the gift. YTA for expecting something else as well.