Before I get to the main topic here’s some background. When I was 18 I moved 2 hours from home for uni and got a part time job. It was retail and in the mall. laid back and the pay was actually good. The job is located in a small booth in the center of the mall.
The problems started about a week in. I adapted pretty fast to the job which made my manager think it was okay to just ditch me for multiple hours. He would be flirting it up with girls at other stores while I’d be doing the job by myself. I would work the morning shift and would be scheduled to leave at 4 but he would either be late or he would arrive and say he had to do something real quick and leave for hours. I know I was pretty dumb for not saying anything to corporate but I didn’t want to create tension.
I almost snapped once when I was supposed to leave within the hour, he went for his 30 minute break and was gone for 3 hours. I left the booth and went looking for him and where was he? talking to some girls. He told me he hurt his toe that’s why he was gone so long… he literally lost his toe. Yeah his toe was gone and he took his shoe off and bled all over the booth. A few weeks after that incident we were just standing around when he looked at me and was like “hey thank you” all smug and I responded with “why?” And he literally looked at me dead in the eyes and said “I made my girlfriend orgasm 17 times last night and it’s all because of you” WHAT. I remember being dumbfounded and was like what do you mean. It was because I had talked to his girlfriend when they were fighting which made her forgive him which lead to the.. you know. But like is that not insane to say to someone? Especially your employee who is significantly younger? I know this all is kind of off topic, maybe, but I just needed to vent about what I went through with this manager.
So I ended up leaving this job because I moved back home and returned to my old job. 4 months go by and I’m sitting on my couch at 3 am when my phone starts ringing. It was my old manager. I ignored it because why are you calling me at this time. Then I got a text, “please answer I really need a friend right now”. I felt bad so I asked what was up. He responded saying that his girlfriend had been arrested. At first I was thinking okay what’s this got to do with me but it did also peak my interest so I asked what happened. All he said was that she was drinking and didn’t give me more info. But along with that he said he didn’t know what to do and that he needed help. When I saw he said he needed help i stopped responding and ignored him. This was because I assumed by help he means help bail his girlfriend out. This angered me because why are you asking me? Your 19 year old ex employee. After this he kept blowing up my phone. I finally texted and said I’m at work can’t talk. After that he hasn’t tried to reach out again. Some people have told me that I should’ve just tried to help because it seemed like he was going through a lot. AITA for not helping? Or for assuming he was going to ask to bail her out and not learning more first before reacting?
NTA
In fact it sounds like you escaped a deeply unprofessional and frankly, predatory work environment.
You don’t owe this man a single second of your time, let alone your emotional labor or financial help.
NTA. You don’t owe him anything, obviously, not bail money, and not listening to his stories.
NTA. this guy crossed so many boundaries when he was your manager, treated you like free labor, and said wildly inappropriate stuff to you. you don’t owe emotional support to an ex-manager who only reached out when he was in crisis, especially at 3 am, especially when you were 19. it’s reasonable to assume he was about to dump responsibility on you, and it’s okay to protect your peace and not engage.
NTA. Sounds like your ex-boss was much older than you. If he can’t figure out how to get himself out of his predicament, then how is a 19 year old going to do it? You are right that he probably wanted you to bail his GF out of jail. The reason why he can’t is either he is broke or married. Block his number.
Does the part about the toe not sound like a fever dream to anyone else?
NTA. You were his employee, not his therapist. It’s ok to want boundaries
NTA. Your friends are people pleasers and you shouldn’t take on that trait. No one is EVER owed your help. Period. Even under the best conditions. Best to learn that now, it’ll keep you from doing things you shouldn’t and don’t want to. You aren’t friends, he was your supervisor and a trash one at that.
The fact that you (who is much younger and no longer associated with him) appear to be the only person he can talk to and about his problems is telling. I bet he’s burned many bridges and doesn’t have friends his age and in his town because they discovered he was an AH. Think about it. Why are you so concerned about someone you only had a casual relationship with at best and who fully took advantage of you. I bet he’s believes because you didn’t rat him out that he can continue to manipulate you because you liked him. Stop feeling guilty and continue moving on with your life. NTA
Good job, this post just made my top ten WEIRD Reddit posts…ya know, the old roulette: ROUND AND ROUND SHE GOES AND WHERE IT STOPS, NOBODY KNOWS!