My friend, let’s call her Paige, invited me to her birthday party about two weeks ago. The invitation was a group text the day before the party. I texted her privately telling her that I couldn’t make it because I had work and telling her I wished that I could make it. Paige texted me back asking if I could just switch the shift, and if that didn’t work, just call out. I told her that I needed the hours right now and wasn’t willing to miss work and she responded with, "Well at least I know you’ll get me a great gift!". The next day when I saw her she told me she wanted a board game called Wavelength, and I said okay sure, not realizing the game was $40. But I went ahead and ordered the game and it arrived yesterday.
Now I’m feeling like she was sort of rude towards me about the whole thing and I don’t really want to give her the gift, I want to return it and get my money back, but I don’t know how to go about it. I already told her that it was coming and I would give it to her on Monday and I feel like a dirtbag and a liar for wanting to take it back now. AITA?
NTA. Honestly, if you were having doubts you shouldn’t have told her that you already got the gift, but I fully understand wanting to return it. I do think the comment was a bit rude, nobody should ever just expect a gift and with comments like that, I usually don’t gift.
Goodluck
So you weren’t at her birthday party, but at the same time she demands a $40 gift from you? I think it’s not rude, it’s just stupid. I don’t care about her resentment, the world is not fixated on her alone, just tell her everything directly that with such an attitude as she has, she doesn’t want to give you anything at all. Why did she even demand a gift, it’s stupid, lol. And who even warns about the birthday the day before the holiday itself, she knows what it means to «warn in advance»? Not an asshole.
A gift should never be demanded. Also, the fact that she told you specifically what to buy is ridiculous. This friend is greedy and entitled. Id give her the gift as a going away present and then cut her out of your life. NTA
NTA. You don’t have to give a gift to anyone, one shouldn’t be demanding it of you. Does she also get you gifts for your birthday? Seems she wanted the party last minute for a gift grab. She’s an AH aside from the gift, bc who tries to convince their friend to call out and risk their job for a last minute birthday party
I bought my car with some help from my parents around six months ago, and I have to make car insurance every six months, which is coming up for me. She doesn’t have a job and her parents bought her car, pay her insurance, and give her gas money, so I don’t think she understands the importance of having a job or even the value of money very well.
NTA
Here some choices:
You can return it and tell her the shipping was delayed.
You can give her the gift and consider it a parting gift. Then block her on everything.
You can return the gift and tell her exactly why. The “friendship” will be over but it would be a loss I’d be willing to take.
NTA but you cant really demand back a gift if you’ve already given it to her, the best course of action would have been to reiterate money was tight and maybe offer to treat her to coffee or something if your feeling generous.
I’m curious if gift giving is huge in your friend group that it would be expected?
I mean we did do a holiday exchange back in December, but I would have thought more than anything she would have liked it if I came to her party. Maybe in her mind because I didn’t come to her party I need to get her a more expensive gift. Also just to clear things up I haven’t given the gift to her yet.
That is kinda of an expensive gift.
Personally, I would never dream of telling someone they had to get me a gift. That is Rude and Entitled.
It doesn’t sound like she’s a real friend. A true friend wouldn’t ask you to “call out” from your work or try to get you to switch shifts, especially at the last minute.
However, If you don’t give her the gift, it will cause a rift with her and possibly the friend group.
So you have to decide how important this friendship is to you.
You could tell her that you hadn’t realised the board game she wanted was so expensive and that it’s really out of your budget, which is why you’re putting in extra hours and that you’ll get her something more within your budget, but I don’t think she will happy.
Again, you have to decide how important this friendship is to you. But, moving forward, you’re going to have to learn to manage expectations, gift-wise.
NTA
NAT, i thing its weird to demand a gift from somebody ,wtfff ?
NTA, but don’t lie to her. Tell her straight out that you’ve considered it carefully, but you simply can’t afford to get her a gift this year, and had to return the game. Tell her you’re sorry to disappoint her, but you’re in a tough position right now.
She’ll probably kick up a stink however you handle the situation so keep the focus on the fact that you can’t keep the board and need to return it. Don’t let the dispute drag on, walk away and/or temporarily block her if needed. Keep in mind that it is extremely rude to demand a gift, and even worse to demand that a friend you know needs every shift she can get to make ends meet to buy a $40 one. She’s not the kind of person whose opinion of you deserves respect.
Learn from this so that you will be less susceptible to this type of pressure in the future.
NTA who demands someone get them a gift? Especially someone who is at “group text the day before” level of friendship
You’re NTA for not wanting to buy your friend a gift (what is she, 12?).
However you’ve dug yourself a hole now by committing to it and would kind of be an asshole for lying if you didn’t give her something you already said you would.
The lesson here is to only buy things for people you won’t feel resentful for getting them. Same goes for lending things.