I (16M) am from Nepal and my family is Hindu. In our culture during major religious festivals, elders give money to younger family members (generally given to girls, but we boys get it too sometimes) as a blessing.
Since I was a child whenever I received this money my parents would take it and say they were keeping it safe for my future and all of that sorta things. I never really questioned it before because I was younger and didn’t feel like I had a choice. I never got the privilege of pocket money. Its not that we are financially weak, but idk what my parents think.
This year I received money from several relatives and the total amount was more than usual. I felt that at 16, I’m old enough to start managing at least some of my own money. I told my parents I wanted to keep it myself. My parents got upset and told me that the money is basically family money since they pay for my education and daily needs. They also said I’m too young to be responsible with money
I understand that my parents support me financially but I also feel like this money was meant for me personally.
AITA for refusing to give the money to them?
NTA, no you are not an asshole. Your parents have to support you financially, you are still a child and that is the law.
NTA, I think it’s absolutely ok for you to want to keep it. Do you have your own separate bank account that only you have access to?
I think you also have to accept that the money from previous years has already been spent, it doesn’t sound like your parents actually kept it safe for your future.
I don’t have a bank account.
Yes, I as well don’t think they kept the money. But I stopped giving the money to them. I was just thinking if I did smt wrong by denying to give the money for everything that they’ve done for me.
it’s their responsibility to do what they have done for you as you didnt ask to be born. Raising your kids isn’t a favour, it’s the parentsbjob.
NTA but I do think your parents have already spent that money you’ve gotten over the years. Did it ever go to your bank account or are there records that the money was intended for you?
No it didn’t go to my bank accounts (not that I know of)
There are no records. They just used to say that we have given you everything that you want, why would you even want the money?
NTA. Financial enmeshment is rough. You might ask them how they expect you to become an adult if they always manage all your needs.
NTA. It’s important for teens to start budgeting and learning financial responsibilities early, besides you’re old enough to handle it yourself going forward. How can you do that if your parents never let you have any. Keep it, it’s yours.
NTA. Yes, this is \*your\* money, not your parents. Feeding and educating you is their responsibility, with their money – they are the ones who chose to have a child.
Arguing will not work here. Just say ‘no’, and if possible, don’t be drawn into an argument. Hide it where they will not look; maybe keep a chunk of it on you.
A lot of time when stuff like this happens, your parents are not actually well off; they are spending more than they earn. This could be to stay in a safe apartment / pay for school, or it could be to have a nice car / clothes. You are old enough that you should know which, or be able to figure out which. If you do think it’s for school, then maybe use some of it for tuition, but pay it directly to the school – do not give it to your parents.
If you do get drawn into arguments:
1) This is a great chance for you to start learning about how to be responsible with money.
2. This was a gift to you, not a gift to the family. Why does ‘the family’ need your money? Do your parents owe money to other people? (this turns it around on them, and maybe gives you the chance to learn about your family’s finances)
My son is 18, US, middle class. We started a small allowance ($20/mo) when he was 14, so that he could go to movies with his friends, or buy a video game or two. He never spent the whole amount, and now that he’s 18, he has a few hundred $$s of his own, and a start at understanding a budget.
How long ago did this happen? Dashain was months ago.
NTA…… While your parents see this as family funds, at 16, wanting to manage your own gift money is a healthy step toward financial literacy. Try proposing a compromise where you save a portion for the future and keep the rest for personal expenses to prove you can be responsible.
NTA. Your parents raising you is their responsibility. They should’ve started talking to you about money and finances, you’re young but it’s a good time to start. Wanting to keep an amount that is rightfully yours doesn’t make you an asshole, and if your parents think you’re too young to handle your money, they’re missing out on the opportunity to teach you about it. You have every right to refuse to give them your money
Your parents aren’t keeping it safe. They’re spending it. NTA.