My husband and I, both 25, have been married for 4 years and are expecting our first baby.
Today was our very small and close family only gender reveal. After the reveal we all go out to supper to celebrate. At this supper, in a public restaurant, she begins telling us about the birth of my husbands brother and his wife’s baby that she was in the room for. She goes into detail about how badly my SIL smelled while giving birth, how she held a bag for her to puke in and how disgusting it all was. I immediately told her to stop after registering what she just said and she continued so I forcibly said “No seriously just stop.” She then proceeded to later say “Well she’s already told me to hush so I can’t say anything else.” She did not even tell us goodbye before leaving and later texted that they would get the things they have stored at our house from a recent move.
For context I have always been very afraid of giving birth and still am so this bothered me tremendously. Especially this being said in front of my family and a close friend. Also, my MIL is in fact in health care and often brags about the grossness she deals with on a day to basis so this seemed out of pocket for her to even bring up. I have since lost all trust to come to her for anything medical because this feels like a major violation not only to my SIL in a vulnerable time but to future me.
NTA wtf why would she even do that to you she’s on something or she hates you. I’d be careful how much you let her round your kid
NTA. Some stories aren’t meant to be shared and I hope you plan on keeping your birth & delivery room between you & your husband. Your MIL isn’t trustworthy.
NTA—why would she do that to you OR SIL? That’s bananas disrespectful.
NTA. How tacky of your MIL to speak of your SIL in this manner. She had the privilege of witnessing this supremely private moment, and this is how she behaves? Gross.
NTA, how did she even get in the birth room. I feel sorry for your sister in law she is probably traumatised and making sure MIL wont be in the next one.
In the end you did the right thing, its not her right to tell this story. Anyways keep her out your birthing experience.
If ever there was a person needing to be grey rocked, it’s this MIL.
Make sure you tell the hospital she isn’t welcome to the birth.
Nta
Nta. Hey. Op it’s OK to be scared of childbirth. It’s a serious medical event. It’s not pretty. It’s heckin painful. My wife couldn’t walk for a week after giving birth to our son. Your mil is a massive ah. I would inform your sil about mil said, because I doubt sil gave her permission for that story to be told. It was a private moment between your bil and his wife, and mil distilled it down to a smelly, gross mess. Inform your nurses mil is not be allowed into the ward, limit your child’s time with mil if you even decide it’s safe to leave your child with her.
NTA – It’s bad enough to traumatize you with the gory and personal details, but to do it at a restaurant?
NTA! I hope this punched MIL’s ticket that says, “I am not welcome, nor allowed, in the room with OP when she gives birth to my grandchild.” Reason: I’m an Asshole!
General rule is NOT to share birthing war stories with first time mothers. You can swap horror stories after baby has safely arrives if that’s your thing.
NTA
How dare she??
Giving birth is a messy, painful, and extremely vulnerable process. If she can’t be an adult about the whole process she shouldn’t open her mouth or be in the room.
Keep setting those boundaries. Accountability is difficult for difficult people. She owes both you and SIL an apology.
NTA! She’s unbelievable and truly, just cruel. I hope you will have your husbands support and can keep that beast at bay as much as possibly!
NTA – and keep her away from the delivery room when your baby is coming. Maybe tell Hubby to keep his mouth shut when you go into labor. She sounds like the kind of nightmare who will invite herself in.
You will find that some women are closet SADISTS. They LOVE to tell birthing horror stories to pregnant women, ESPECIALLY if they are expecting their first child. Tell her F I R M L Y that birthing stories are OFF LIMITS. Have your husband tell her. Then, when she begins a story…..and she WILL….Leave. At a restaurant just excuse yourself to the restroom. Interrupt her to excuse yourself. Any other place, your home, her home, the park, JUST WALK AWAY. She can’t perform if her target audience is absent.
I’d ALSO interrupt any other gross descriptions of medical experiences she has had with, “Why do you feel that you need to tell all of us this? If I was your patient I’d be EXTREMELY offended that you shared my very personal experience. If you were my family or friend and you shared such private information about ME, I would definitely feel very betrayed, and it would affect how much access I allow you in the future.”