My wife considers me to be disorganized. She’s not entirely wrong about that, but quite frequently if something goes wrong, and it is in any way due to a judgement of mine then it is treated as a sign of my disorganization or poor judgement. I’d like a second opinion on whether I showed poor judgement in this case or if I was being an overconfident asshole.
Earlier this year, on the first -30 degrees Celsius (~ -22 deg F) day of the year, her car’s battery died. She told me she’d have the mechanic look at it after we got her car running again from jumping it. I know a few basic things about car batteries, like looking for visual signs of corrosion, that they don’t do well in cold temperatures, and of course that they age. I said her battery looked fine, honestly on visual inspection it looked better than mine. It was a particular cold day. Sure she could have it looked at by a mechanic but it was probably fine.
During the polar vortex this year her battery held up fine.
Today, we had another -30 deg C day and her battery died again. This time, when we jumped it, there seems to now be a problem with the blow motor (AC fan) – possibly a relay tripped by the car-jumping process. It is remarkably bad timing though this time, and we don’t know if there is anything else wrong with the car. She blames me because my optimism she feels lulled her into a false sense of security that her battery was fine. My feeling though is that: (i) when I said it, it was the first time she’d ever had to get her car jumped, (ii) the car made it through the polar vortex fine so obviously the battery wasn’t that bad, and (iii) the new (possibly relay) problem is not something I could have predicted, and which the mechanic might not have even predicted being the consequence of jumping the car, so again, not bad judgement to not expect it.
Am I talking out of my ass, or did I make a reasonable judgement call & it is being used to blame me just because I was there when something went wrong?
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” If a battery is dead, it’s a failed battery or a bad alternator almost every time. ”
What? Maybe you are a much better better/perfect person than me. But I would say an overwhelming majority of the time when a car battery has died is because something was left on.
I think only once/twice was maybe the battery that needed to be replaced, even then it initially died because of a light left on and a later test showed the battery was on the last legs.
I think if it was your car and you were taking the risk then what you did was fine. Being a woman who needs to feel secure while driving for our own safety means that we might react quicker to things because it might literally become life or death for us. I have a newer car than I need based on use but it gives me peace of mind that I am unlikely to break down somewhere that would put my life at risk! And I can change tyres myself… I don’t consider myself useless when it comes to cars, but safety feels different as a woman, and a safe, reliable car is essential. So it’s a slight YTA…
Yeah, safety doesn’t just feel different as a woman, it IS different as a woman.
Unless the lights were left on, etc I always replace the battery if it needs a jump. They’re not that expensive and it’s worth knowing I won’t be stranded somewhere in the cold. YTA
She obviously cares about you and trusts you, so what you say matters. Unless you were definitively sure it was fine (you thoroughly tested it), it would have made sense to get it officially checked out. No one wants to go through the hassle of bringing it in, but now it has to go in. Just say sorry, you made the best decision with the info you had at the time, and bring it in now. Next time, err on the side of caution and you won’t get blamed for stuff.
YTA, many places can test your battery for free. You were just being lazy in not testing the battery.
YTA. You said the battery ‘looked fine’ but also you did no testing. If the battery needed to be jumped she should have gotten it tested and likely replaced. These things don’t last forever. Jump starting isn’t even always a good idea.
As an Alaskan who works on cars regularly, most batteries that are still good will have a hard time starting a car at -22F, especially if no block heater is installed and used. Once it warms up the battery will work fine.
I deal with this issue regularly and his initial assessment was a good one. A battery tester probably would have shown the battery was fine.
Also jump starting is always the right choice in this situation, and is highly unlikely to be the cause of the ac blower fan issue. But that issue does indicate it’s time to take it into the shop.
I think it is wildly unreasonable to blame him for this situation. All cars will be hard to start in these kinds of temps. If he was willing to come jump her car again later if it wouldn’t start at her work or something then there is no issue. There are so many ways to make sure she can be safe, and I think her blaming him is unwarranted.
NTA
NTA. I’ve had batteries randomly die, need a jump, and then be fine for the next 3 or 4 years. -30C is going to give any battery a hard time, CCA are measured at -18C and represent ~50% of the batteries amp output capacity, that drops to ~25% at -30C. It was not unreasonable to assume her battery having trouble once, during extreme colds, was a symptom of a larger issue.
The likelyhood that jumping the battery damaged the blower fan, without blowing a fuse or impacting other electrical systems is unlikely.
YTA. You shouldn’t have said something when you had no idea what you were talking about and you put her safety at risk when there was a free alternative: have it checked. When it comes to your wife’s safety, always err on the side of caution.
Im on the fence. From someone who has been in your wife’s shoes, and travels alot alone, if there is an issue I trust that my husband checks and tests what he can or lets me know so I can organise it. While I can understand assuming someone may have been left on or it was related to the weather, I feel if you werent sure due to not testing it should have been said. Being stuck on the side of the road, alone, with car issues can be a nightmare especially if there is noone she trusts to come get her. It can also be she feels hurt, and that you don’t value her safety and concerns if you are brushing it off by “just looking at it”. If your not sure, google it, or tell her your not sure and suggest to get it checked by a professional
Extreme weather can kill batteries. It happens. I just had to replace mine after we had a 45c day one day and then a 18c day the next. That sudden shift from hot to cold or cold to hot can and does kill batteries.
When I first jumped it, it died right away. I thought it was my alternator that had gone which caused the battery to die. Because after jumping it and taking off the leads from the terminal the car died right away. Add in lights and stuff and it did the same. But no it was just a dropped cell (or 3). It had me scratching my head for a minute.
The fan could be as a result of jumping the car if you didn’t use shielded leads or it could be an entirely coincidental things and happened just at the same time as the battery dying.
Her car her responsibility. You didnt tell her not to get it looked at. You told her it looked fine. She obviously knew you didn’t test it.
Whats the time difference between jump 1 and jump 2? Seems to me she just wants to blame you for things going wrong.
NTA.