My (26 male) and my partner (25 female) have been talking about getting an apartment together, we were wanting to get the cheapest one available as we are trying to fund an overseas wedding. One of the options we found was a $325 a month, which seems perfect, however the location is much less than desirable. Talking abandoned houses, collapsed houses and what appeared to be drug addicts around most corners. The town is also known for a larger percentage of property crimes (burglary, auto theft, etc.) Upon seeing the location, I told my partner that I was not comfortable at all as it seems incredibly dangerous and I am not willing to sacrifice my safety just for saving money. The issue comes up as my partner lives in a similar area; drug addicts, break ins, etc. The difference between her and I, is that I have many other options that are tad more expensive but a whole lot safer. Where as her living situation, doesn’t permit her being able to move, or rent another place as rent for her is insanely high. Am I the asshole for not willing to sacrifice my safety, to save money and take her thoughts/opinions into consideration?
Well as long as you can have an overseas wedding, isn’t it worth it? </s>
YTA for trying to plan a wedding you clearly can’t afford.
If you’re going to be living together, and you dislike the kind of place she is able to afford, and you can afford to spend a bit more to get somewhere nicer / safer, can’t you pick up the difference? I’m not really seeing how this is an issue, unless you’re expecting her to fund your preferences? NTA for not wanting to live in a place where breakins are common and there are addicts and dealers around. What exactly is your partner’s concern that you think you might be an asshole?
NTA
If she’s not going to be on the lease and paying rent, then I’m sorry, but she doesn’t get a vote.
No one has the right to tell you that your safety is a lower concern than the out of pocket cost. If you’re not comfortable, then you’re not required to rent in areas deemed acceptable by anybody else. Your feelings of comfort and personal space are what should be considered valid reasons and you do not need the approval of your GF to move forward.
Disagreeing on priorities is not the same as ignoring someone’s input. Seemingly, she prioritizes financial well above all else while you are more balanced with a level of safety/security at least slightly above financial. I don’t know where you go now, but it’s not because you didn’t consider her view, it’s because you’re not comfortable with what she wants.
NTA for wanting to be safe, but there’s a clear third option where you cover a larger portion of the rent in a nicer neighbourhood and y’all still live together. I don’t think being around dilapidated houses and druggies is her preference. By the sound of it, she simply can’t afford living in a nicer place. You can. So why don’t you let her pay what she’s paying now and you pay the rest? Seems like a no-brainer especially since you are planning on marrying this person
“By the sound of it, she simply can’t afford living in a nicer place. You can.”
Not necessarily OP might be able to afford half of a nicer place, but not all or majority of it. Like say half of a $1200, so $600, OP can pay. while GF is only able to afford $400. But OP couldn’t afford paying $800 while GF pays $400.
At the end of the day you can’t get blood from a stone, but it is not unreasonable for OP to refuse to a certain area.
But that’s what I’m talking about. If he can afford $600 out of $1200, why not go for $800 apartment? Probably not gonna be as nice as $1200 in their area but also not as bad as $325 one? Or even a $600 where he pays the rent and she pays the bills, groceries, saves for wedding? There are many ways to skin a cat that don’t include living in unsafe area or making someone broke
Save money by having a very cheap wedding, use money for real life.
Exactly. I thought he was going to say they’re saving money to buy a house.
Nope. They’re going to live cheap so they can slash out on a wedding.
You are not making sense here. It sounds like you are both individually paying rent, so together you should be able to swing a place in a safe area and her expenses will be lower because shared. And if you have more money than she does, you should be paying more if you are a couple.
Also, making an expensive wedding a priority is foolish under your circumstances. It’s ONE day. Better to live comfortably within your means and have a simple ceremony. But that’s your choice, of course.
NTA for wanting safe place to live.
I do apologize for the lack of info, a major factor that I didn’t mention is that she’s not an American citizen, and we are trying to have as much of a budget wedding as we can in her home country. When she immigrates to the US, then the bills will fall onto me, as we will waiting for her green card.