I (30F) have known Suki (30F) since we were 20. She’s always been the party girl, drugs, reckless hookups, unstable jobs. After uni she lived at home, waitressed to fund her lifestyle and partied constantly, met Meg then and they were inseparable. I built a career in healthcare and met my husband Connor (30M) at 24, start was rough because of his trauma and past addiction but he healed and we built a strong marriage, I’ve always been open about it because it’s not something anyone could just copy. Suki’s life stayed chaotic, she dated Jason (30M) and it was a mess, fights all the time, silent treatments, comparing him to Connor constantly, Fiona her friend enabled everything. After they broke up she started microdosing, hung out with Jason more than before, mixed messages about assault but then posting cuddly videos of them. I’d been through near-death health stuff and postpartum depression, Suki had seen me in hospital but didn’t support me after that. Then she started attacking me over text, basically saying I was lucky to have Connor, I had no personality, my near-death and postpartum meant nothing compared to her apprenticeship and breakup, I was gatekeeping pain and a perpetual victim, threw past people who harmed me in my face because I pointed out something she did wrong, and called me self-destructive while acting like she and Jason were fine. After days of this, including a meltdown after Connor took me on a rare date night, I finally snapped and told her “You’re not capable of real change. You’re just upset Jason isn’t a functioning addict like you are.” She blocked me immediately, ended a decade-long friendship.
I know it’s harsh but she minimized my trauma, attacked my marriage, weaponized my experiences and rewrote reality to protect her own behavior. So… AITA?
I have no idea what happened here.
They both sound unpleasant
I say this as someone in recovery.
NTA
YTA to yourself.
why are even friends with someone like that? keep her away, don’t see she’s adding value to your life.
Info: what did I just read
Honestly does it matter? If she did all those things you said she did, AND removed herself from your life then she’s done you a massive favour and you can be at peace now. I’m getting the vibe you are attracted to the dysfunction/chaos/drama of it all
IMO, no matter what you said or did, that friendship was heading towards a rock wall at 200 mph, seconds away from impact.
NTA but I don’t see friendship anywhere. Sounds like you two should have ended your interactions a long time ago
she is NOT a functioning addict. her behaviour is very disfunctional. You need to get this toxic person out of your life. NTA
Lots of people classify holding a job as “functioning” addiction.
You need better friends
Good thing the _friendship_ is over. NTA.
>past addiction
Addiction is addiction. It never goes away. I’ve dealt with addiction in my family, so I feel safe to say: not feeding addiction is a daily choice.
NTA. You grew up, she didn’t. Try making friends with some adults.
You both sound exhausting tbh. Sounds like you really don’t like her at all. You’re both aholes.