A bit of background, I used to date a girl ‘Jade’ (21F). We were in the same friend group before we started dating but we sort of drifted apart after we broke up, no bad blood or anything, it just got awkward.
Two months after we broke up, a friend, ‘Luke’ (22M) told me that he and Jade were sort of talking and he asked if I was okay with them dating, I wasn’t jumping for joy at the idea but they’re both grown adults and I didn’t want to dictate what they could and couldn’t do.
They’ve been dating for about three months now and it’s been totally fine. We all still hang out as a group with the rest of our mutual friends, I don’t care if Luke talks about her or their relationship, and me and Jade are cordial. My problem only started a little over a week ago when Jade started texting me again, she didn’t block my number but we hadn’t really talked up until then so it surprised me.
Not anything flirty, just random questions like how I’m doing, even some inside jokes from when we dated. Sometimes she asked for advice about Luke, which I told her I didn’t feel okay giving since I didn’t want to interfere in their relationship, especially considering I was an ex and in turn, didn’t want to make Luke uncomfortable. She never pushed on this but sometimes implied that I was being distant for no reason.
Then, Luke started talking to me me about aspects of their relationship. Normal, if not for the fact it was about stuff like their sex life, their arguments, etc. If not that, he’d also ask me for advice about her, like "she hasn’t responded to me for few days, did that mean she was mad? Did she do that stuff with you?" things like that, or he’d tell me stuff that she said about me, like how she never loved me & how she was just settling, things like that.
Yesterday, I told them both that, though I’m completely fine with them dating, I didn’t wanna interfere in their relationship in any way, ‘nor did I like hearing about the in-detail stuff about it.
Luke got mad and shouted that I still obviously had a thing for her and that "if you’ve got unresolved feelings, deal with it like a grown man, don’t run off and hide just because you’re uncomfortable being around us." Meanwhile, Jade only told me to get over it and then her & Luke left together.
To clarify, I have no feelings for Jade of any kind. I don’t hate her but I’m not in love with her, like I said, I’m cordial with her, I don’t leave her out of anything, ‘nor have I ever even ignored her, in public or when she started texting me again. If I’m in a situation with her where I’m uncomfortable, I don’t announce it or make a big deal out of it, I just tell a mutual friend and dip. I’m also not trying to get back with her, we broke up for a reason.
I’m not asking if I should cut them off because I really do care about the both of them, I’m just asking if I’m being as sensitive and weird about this as they’re saying.
I don’t think so. It’s weird and awkward. A reasonable person would find this uncomfortable
nope. NTA . they didn’t like you being honest.
this is weird.. like they’re trying to rope you into their relationship.. like.. a threesome..
NTA, but I don’t see why you need to keep your friendships with them.
I didn’t have a problem with either of them up until this incident. Luke is a great guy and though me and Jade didn’t break up on a good note, I’ve always thought good things about her. I think this might just be some kind of one-off but I’m not totally sure.
Regarding the threesome thing, I really don’t think that’s the case but thanks for the insight.
NTA You’re not being overly sensitive, they’re being inconsiderate.
NTA, you handled it much muchbetter than most people would (including me)
NTA. Setting boundaries is a mature, healthy thing to do and the way they keep trying to bring you into their relationship is weird. I think any reasonable person would find this off-putting and uncomfortable. How they don’t see their behavior as being unhealthy is beyond me. I hope you are able to set reasonable boundaries in the future. The next one might need to be not seeing or speaking to either of them unless there is at least one other person there, a person who understands that your boundaries are reasonable.
I have asked our other mutual friends how they feel about it and though they do say it comes off a little intrusive, they think it’s just them trying to include me and lessen the awkwardness? I don’t know, but thank you.
NTA. They’re trying to have you play relationship counseling. Next time they cross your boundaries, tell them it’s not your business and walk away.
Why not say your hourly rate for relationship counselling is $120 per hour.
NTA – If you are friends with both of them, it is super awkward that they want to talk about each other to you. Even without the ex-girlfriend angle. You have a right to set boundaries.
NTA. You’re not being weird at all. They need to stop putting you in the middle. She needs to stop texting/reaching out to you and he needs to stop asking you about how she was during your relationship with her.
I have similar boundaries for friends when they start dating even when I haven’t dated either of them. You’re not their relationship counselor and they should not be treating you like you are. This would make any normal person uncomfortable and they are being immature about it and not very good friends. Even if you did still have feelings for her that wouldn’t make it okay, in fact it would make their behavior towards you even worse. Honestly I don’t think these people are your friends, not when they behave like that.