I (21F, turning 21) am married to my husband (22M). I moved to his hometown for him. He has family and friends here. I have no one. I lost contact with my own family after serious conflicts and abuse, and I’ve been struggling emotionally and with my health.
My mother-in-law strongly pushed us to move to her city and live with her to save money on rent. We agreed. We lived in a small three-bedroom house with her, my husband’s sister (30+), brother (30+), and a cousin.
None of them worked. My husband financially supported everyone.
I did all the housework alone: cleaning, cooking for everyone, baking, and laundry. My mother-in-law constantly criticized me and said I was doing everything wrong. We even offered to use the money we saved to renovate and build extra rooms for the house.
Later, she kicked us out of that same house.
After we moved to our own place, the criticism continued. Recently, she visited and said I didn’t prepare a “rich enough table,” even though I had only 3–4 hours’ notice. She said she would come more often so I could “learn how to host guests properly.” I stayed polite.
When I told my husband how lonely and hurt I feel, he said I’m “too aggressive” and always defended his mother.
My birthday is coming soon. I asked for only one thing: to spend it quietly, without guests and without visiting anyone. I just want peace.
My husband insists we must go to his mother’s house. He says: “It’s not only your day, it’s also my day as your husband. It’s our marriage celebration.”
So my birthday becomes about his family, not about what I want.
AITA for refusing to go to my mother-in-law’s house for my birthday and wanting to spend the day in peace?
NTA but this is so rage inducing it does not feel like it could be real. How is your birthday to celebrate your husband too. I’m sorry but you need to grow a shiny spine and say no, to this and the rest of the crap you’ve written that you put up with.
I’m so sorry, but it seems that you’ve traded one set of abusers for another. Think really hard about whether or not you can live the rest of your life like this, as your husband seems to prioritize his wishes. You are so young; you shouldn’t sacrifice your life for people who don’t properly care for you.
NTA. Nobody else can claim domain over your birthday. Period.
Go out and do something away from these people who don’t respect you. A walk in a park, a movie, a manicure, a library for some quiet reading or doom scrolling.
Also, you need a better husband.
For fun, I think I would turn every criticism she gives you back on her son. Food is inadequate? “Husband didn’t care enough about your visit to help.” House is messy? “What can I tell you? You raised a lazy son.”
NTA – Unless your anniversary is on your birthday, how is it also his marriage celebration? If anything, it would be the last day of marriage if he continues to put his mother first.
It sounds like you’ve been putting up with other people’s bullshit your entire life, and thank goodness you’re still young enough to break free of this oppression.
It’s your birthday, and you have every right to celebrate it where and with whom you want.
Agreed. NTA
You seem to have traded your abusive family for his controlling family.
NTA . Why are you in this family ? They all sound horrible.
NTA. Your birthday is absolutely NOT about him nor your marriage. It’s YOUR birthday and you should spend it how you want. Your husband should be ready to accommodate you for your birthday. I’d be rethinking this whole marriage and consider moving back to where your support network is (friends etc)