I am using a new account because I don’t want to make things awkward if this person uses Reddit.
I (30m) have a long-haul flight (8+ hours) coming up. An acquaintance found out we are on the same plane and messaged me asking for my seat number so he could switch to sit next to me.
Sadly, I am a total "yes" person and rarely say no to people, so I panic-gave him the number. He successfully switched seats and is now sitting next to me.
He is a friend of a friend. We have hung out in group settings a handful of times (drinks, dinners, generic social stuff). He is a nice guy, but in my head, he is still just an "acquaintance." We have never texted. Our first direct text conversation ever was him asking for my seat number.
To me, an 8-hour flight is to relax/sleep, watch movies, and zone out. I definitely do not want to entertain someone I don’t really care about for that long. However, he seems thrilled to have a companion.
So since I already said "yes" to the seat switch, I feel like I have implied that I am open to chat. But what I really want to do is to basically say "Hello" and put on my noise-canceling headphones and sleep/watch movies for the entire duration of the flight. I don’t plan on engaging in conversation.
So why I think I might be the asshole:
I feel like I might be the asshole because I "voluntarily" gave him my seat number, which implies I wanted company. However Ignoring him after letting him move his seat to be next to me just feel wrong and might be rude considering he clearly thinks we are better friends than I do.
So, WIBTA if I shut down conversation and ignore him for the flight?
Edit / Clarification:
I’m reading through the comments and want to clarify two things based on the feedback:
1. I’m not anti-social with everyone: A lot of you are saying you love sitting with friends/spouses. So do I! I love flying with my partner or close friends. The stress here comes specifically from the "Acquaintance Zone"… we aren’t close enough to be comfortable in silence, also not close enough to have endless things to talk about. It’s that awkward middle ground I’m dreading.
2. Why I’m worried: Some of you pointed out I might be assuming the worst and that he might want to sleep too. You are probably right, and I apologise for assuming. However, my fear comes from the fact that he is a very talkative guy in our group outings. He usually drives the conversation, which is why I’m panic-spiraling about being stuck in a defined space with that energy for 8 hours.
Just chat for a few minutes and then tell him you’re going to get some rest and put on your headphones. There is a long way between chatting for eight hours and not talking to him at all.
Adding to this: I would say sometime along the lines of “hey, on these long flights I tend to just fall asleep. Just letting you know that I may not be great company…”.
The other person may not mind either. Sometimes people prefer to have someone they know and somewhat trust sitting next to them rather than a complete stranger.
This. This situation is totally okay with a heads up.
YWBTA if you don’t talk to him at all. Give him 30 minutes (including flight prep and take off) then watch a movie, then another 20 or so minutes. Then sleep awhile. Don’t be totally anti-social.
Yeah the acquaintance is probably going to want to watch movies and sleep some too. He’s not a toddler. Worst case, it’s a bit awkward. Best case, you two vibe and become actual friends.
NTA – you can chat for a bit in the beginning of the flight, but you don’t owe an 8h convo on a plane, they’ll live.
Be an adult and use your words. Let him know your plans before the flight so that he can be prepared. YWBTA if you don’t say anything to him and then just blow him off.
You can be polite and chat for a bit and then say you’re exhausted and need to sleep. You could also secretly switch your own seat and blame it on the airline. Just feign surprise when you’re at the airport.
You could chat for a little (about 20 mins) then say you are feeling tired and gonna try to catch up on sleep. He wont force you to chat if ur tired.
Honestly this is the way. I have had to sit next to colleagues for long flights before and we chatted for 20 minutes while everyone was boarded and as soon as the lights dimmed for take off, I said “I am going to try to close my eyes for a bit. If the snack cart comes by can you grab me some pretzels!” And it works every time. 9/10 times when I wake up they are engrossed in a movie, asleep, or completely zoned out on their own.
Also at the gate before you board, you can mention “I hope I can catch up on some sleep on the flight, I didn’t sleep well last night.”
It is all in how you set the stage.
YWNBTA so long as you can say directly “Oh, I’m not a talkative flyer. I’m going to get into the zone with a movie and doze off.”
Warning him ahead of time would be even better. You will have to be curt, but a message that says “Hey, I know you switched seats and having to share an armrest with someone you know beats a stranger, but just so you know… I fly with headphones on. It’s a meditative thing for me. I’m not going to be good company once we hit cruising altitude.”
And then you do the normal polite chit chat stuff until the safety presentation is over and then you put your headphones on.
But to be very clear here, there is a LARGE area here where you would be the A-hole, because you can’t be a “yes” person and then ignore people you say yes to. It’s a weird space, because you feel like your Yeses shouldn’t be something you’re held to… when the answer is that if you don’t want to be held to them, you need to stop saying Yes.
“Hey just to inform you: i’m not going to be social on the flight and am definitely planning to zone out, sleep and watch my shows. I’d rather sit next to you than a stinky stranger but just letting you know not to be offended that i’m not gonna be talkative.”
Problem solved.
NTA if you just communicate!
Just write back to him and say, “Hey I should have said this in the beginning, but I’m not a big conversationalist when I’m fly, I like to veg out , read and watch movies. I’m not saying I’ll ignore you or anything, it’s going to be nice to have someone I know to sit next to, but I didn’t want you to be put off by me not being chatty. Hope that’s ok.”