I (mid 20s F) am getting married in 2026. My fiancé (mid 20s M) and I are paying for the majority of our wedding ourselves and are budgeting very carefully. We have never received financial assistance from our families before not for college living expenses or anything else. We have always handled things on our own.
Traditionally in my family and culture the bride’s side helps pay for the wedding. However my mom simply does not have the financial ability to contribute which I completely understand and do not resent her for at all.
My fiancé’s parents have offered to contribute what they can which we are incredibly grateful for. That said we are still covering most costs ourselves.
Here is where I am conflicted. My grandparents are financially comfortable. They have paid for big family vacations helped other relatives with large purchases in the past and are generally generous. However they have not offered to help with wedding expenses.
Recently my grandmother came dress shopping with me. When I got up to the register I honestly thought she might offer to help pay or contribute in some way but she did not. I paid for my dress myself which is totally fine but it made me start thinking about whether it would be inappropriate to ask them for some level of help with the wedding.
I do not feel entitled to their money and I do not expect them to cover everything. Even a small contribution would help. I am just torn between not wanting to put anyone in an awkward position and feeling like it is reasonable to ask especially since my fiancé’s family is contributing and we are doing everything we can on our own.
So AITA for considering asking my grandparents if they would be willing to help contribute to our wedding?
YTA it seems like you planned a wedding you can’t afford under the assumption that people would be chipping in.
Personally, I would not ask for this. Any monetary contribution of something of this nature should be offered willingly rather than in response to being asked, and by asking you could put them in an uncomfortable situation of either agreeing because they feel pressured, or having to turn you down.
They already know that weddings require money, and could easily have offered if they wanted to.
I’m going to say YWBTA, but in a soft sense because you’re considering their feelings by asking here first if it’s appropriate.
If it isn’t offered outright, you should not ask. Doing so would make YTA.
In today’s economic climate, wedding traditions don’t seem to bear up well, so, if you can’t afford it on your own and if no one else offers – plan accordingly. Asking = entitlement and that’s not a good look.
It’s very nice your new In-laws want to contribute, however, just because they are doesn’t mean anyone else is expected to.
YTA. It’s your wedding, you pay for it. Any gift towards it is a bonus. You will 100% offend your grandparents and will likely be left off of future things with them if you ask. (aka looks greedy).
“Recently my grandmother came dress shopping with me. When I got up to the register I honestly thought she might offer to help pay”
“I do not feel entitled to their money”
Um, you do seem to feel entitled to their money.
They haven’t offered, and it would be extremely rude to ask. Just because they have paid for other family events or helped other relatives in the past does not obligate them to help you pay for your wedding.
They know you are getting married. If they wanted to offer to help, they would do so.
YTA
YTA. If they wanted to offer, they would have.
YTA. Your grandparents are getting ready for retirement. Don’t take their money for something as selfish as a wedding. If you can’t afford it, WAIT. Their ability to continue making money to live is fast coming to a close.
YTA- you are the one that wants to get married, if you can’t afford the wedding you want, change things so you can afford it.
Asking someone else for money to pay for your wedding is entitled.
YTA. You are planning to have a wedding that you cannot afford? It’s time to learn how to spend money and when to save it. Keep smaller parties. And how can you know what your grandparents financial situation truly is??
You are the one choosing to get married. You could go to city hall and pay like $100 if you really can’t afford it. And if you expect your grandparents to pitch in, it sounds like you can’t. This is on you. I don’t know anyone whose grandparents have paid for any part of their wedding, especially in this day and age. It is usually the parents that help, and even that is becoming an outdated tradition. You don’t HAVE to have a wedding. Your choice, your money.
YTA-you’re the one getting married, not them. You don’t ask people to contribute.