At the superbowl party my brother in law hosted, I brought cookies because I didn’t know what deserts would be there. We also brought chicken dip, spinach artichoke dip that everyone loved, some pizza pockets and 2 boxes of garlic bread that were never opened.
There were plenty of deserts. My cookies went untouched, and I had another group event 3 days later.
I went to take the cookies and my brother in law said that they weren’t eaten because he was saving them for the next day and he wanted all of them.
I told him no, I’m taking them to share at our church group we host, but opened the package and gave him a few.
Then, when it was time to leave, my wife and I thought they took all the leftovers they wanted, so we packed up our crock pot and pan and went to the car.
He was walking his in-laws out to the car next to us, and opened our door and grabbed the crackpot and ran it back to the apartment.
He seemed to be joking in how he ran. I called after him, but he kept going and my wife told me to go get the crackpot back.
When I got back up there, he closed a cabinet door and I knew he was hiding it. I went for it, and he tried wrestling me to the ground. Everyone told him to stop, and then I, thinking it was over, went to get it. He attacked me again.
Thinking he was playing some weird game, I went to their fridge and grabbed a plate of their leftovers to level the playing field, i was going to offer a trade to end it, but he attacked me again before I could secure the plate.
With his parents help, I got the crackpot and they told me to leave.
He told my wife later that he was upset because I didn’t offer them any of them or to keep them and it was rude.
Normally, id agree, we always share leftovers. But since these were never opened, they weren’t used as intended: share during the game.
I also have never heard of a host intentionally "saving" what someone brought and saying they wanted to keep the whole untouched item.
Nor have I heard of a host going into a guests car to take back leftovers that they wanted that they hadn’t voiced a request for (again, we thought they already had what they wanted.)
So, AITA?
Update: this was not normal behavior for him, he has some other stuff going on, I was very confused.
We also have never been in a situation where there was something untouched at the end of the event.
It stays with the host. This reminds me of that Seinfeld episode where George’s parents take home the marbled rye that they brought to dinner but wasn’t served.
Where I’m from, if you bring something to a party, it stays at the party unless the host releases it to you. For a dish or crockpot that has to come home with you, you’d ask the host if they wanted any of the leftovers. This goes for friends and family unless there’s a different pattern or expectation and them not using it for the occasion has absolutely nothing to do with it.
You’re both TAH for fighting.
NTA but this wasn’t handled well. Your BIL was being over the top ridiculous though so he has no reason to feel upset that his greedy plans were ruined. I am curious though, is he always this way?
NTA. I’m just wondering if this behaviour from your BIL is out of the ordinary in anyway? Because that seems like a very childish overreaction.
ESH: It may be a cultural thing, but I do think once you bring food to someone’s home, it is almost like a gift to the host, even if it is intended to be shared.
You should not take it back just because it went untouched. Like, you wouldn’t show up with a bottle of wine and take it back if it went undrunk, right?
But grabbing items from your car and getting physical is completely unacceptable.
So if there’s a large party and everyone there brought food the host is going to end up with a dump truck full of leftovers?
This isn’t true for potlucks. You’re allowed to take home what you brought that is leftover. The host doesn’t get to keep everyone’s food or dishes/crockpots.
NTA
If something wasn’t touched, it goes back with the person who brought it.
If something is in a non-disposable dish, it goes back with the person who brought it.
Even if the dish was open and partially eaten, and in a disposable dish – the person who brought it gets to decide if they want to bring it home!
The host doesn’t get to claim all the food that was brought. They especially don’t get to try to ‘save’ someone else’s dish for themselves for the next day!
And grabbing something out of your car and trying to keep it away from you? I don’t even know what to say about that – that’s beyond ridiculous.
I’d say wine is the exception.
It’s fairly common to bring wine to a dinner party and the host serves a different wine.
I consider a bottle of wine more of a host/hostess gift, though. Not necessarily a shared dish for a planned meal or potluck.
Im sorry, this just sounds unhinged on everyone’s end. Was this all done in jest, like yall were having a good time? Because if not, then what in the world did I just read. ESH I guess?
NTA. Even if you were TA at first — an argument could be made either way — the manic behavior from this guy fully overwhelms it. This is like a Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm episode, where some outlandishly unrealistic physical brawl results over some triviality — except in real life it’s not funny.
ESH
I live in the South where food you bring to a party stays with the host, but holy cow was his behavior an overreaction!
> I called after him, but he kept going and my wife told me to go get the crackpot back.
The cooking pot or the brother-in-law?
I was taught you leave what you bring. 🤔