Me (15M) and my best friend "Mark" (15M) had a basketball game over the weekend and some older kid I think maybe 17 from the other team invited Mark to a party.. Mark is kinda shy and he’s only been out a few months so I tagged along as a buffer. We got to drinking and I ended up flirting with some girl and I saw him talking to that guy and they ended up upstairs. I found him later sitting in the room by himself really quiet..Some of the stuff hes said since then leads me to believe something happened but he doesn’t think that happens to guys like that..
I’ve been trying to get him to talk about it or report it or at least talk to the school counselor..He just waves me off saying nothings wrong and how I wouldn’t understand cause I’m straight. We got into an argument earlier today when I again said he should talk to someone and he snapped at me yell at me to leave it alone crying and that he just didn’t want to think about it..AITA?
NTA. What happened to him is not your fault, however when people are in traumatizing situations they tend to try and point the blame on someone else (it tends to make people feel better and blame THEMSELVES less) Be there for him, don’t patronize him, and give him time. When he wants to speak up about it, or talk to you, be willing to listen.
NTA. You very well could be saving his life and future mental health by encouraging him to talk. Just be prepared for whatever he ma end up telling you and, by all means, LISTEN.
YTA you’re pestering him too much. Give it time, let him know you’re going to drop it but if he ever needs to talk about anything you’re there.
I guess NAH so far. Leave it alone now. He has said quite clearly that he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. He gets to go through this in his time and by his choice. Do not take away his choice in sharing HIS story. You don’t get to force him to do anything.
It may just be that your friend doesn’t feel like his consent was violated. Not everyone interprets things the same way. He may decide later that this was a problem for him. Don’t force the issue or plant feelings for him.
I got drunk at a pool party once with my soccer team. A guy I really didn’t like was hitting on me. Reached into my swimsuit and tried to grab my dick. I pushed him away, he apologized. My friends took me home because they didn’t like it. Was his behavior unacceptable? Yeah it probably was. But it wasnt really a big deal to me.
Another scenario, I’m drunk in a hotel room. It’s me, a cute guy, and a bunch of sorority girls playing two truths and a lie. He gives me that look, leans in for a kiss, and he was right. We started making out. He got a little handsy. So we adjourned to a more private area. We fucked for 3 months straight like horny collegiate rabbits. But I recall a moment before we stumbled out into the hallway one of my girlfriends snatched me up and was like ‘he wants to fuck you, you know thst right?’ And I said “yeah and I’m gonna let him”. Good for her looking out, making sure I understood his intentions,
Scenario three. I was having a session with a dom top, we were doing heavy kink. We had discussed the scene before hand thoroughly. He broke a clear limit during the session. Something he had asked about and I had clearly said I didn’t want. But he did it anyway. Definitely bad consent behavior. It took me quite awhile to process the violation. Like several months. I could have said no and stopped him in the moment, but it was too unexpected for me to react in time. That one ended up bothering me alot more. It was 10 years before I tried that limit again on my own terms.
So these kinds of things come up and how you react to them kind of depends on you. What is to be best learned for yourself in this is what not to do. Do not put yourself in a situation where consent is not clear.
You can see how alcohol can muddy that clarity, consider abstaining from drinking until you are of a more mature age. And if you do, drink socially, not to binge.
Make sure you have a clear agreement before initiating.
Mark can decide for himself how to feel.
Yeah, Mark needs to come to terms with whatever happened on his own time. He may well have consented but not actually been ready (15’s young, tbh), and be feeling a lot of shame or overwhelm about anything happening at all. And if he didn’t consent or feels confused about whether or not he consented, then that’s another level. Give him time and tell him you’ll be there for him no matter what. You’re a good friend. NTA