I’ll try and keep this brief but I really need a non friend or family weigh in here. I’m 35, my brother is (45), unfortunately we received a large inheritance recently. He built a house next our moms, on 2 acres, & her property is 8 and has horse property improvements (barn, riding arena, etc) in the middle of nowhere, just the 2 houses. My fiancé & I moved in 3 years ago in the basement because it has its own kitchen etc, she lived alone, & it would allow us to pay off debt & save money, as she only charged us $500. Shortly thereafter mom got diagnosed with cancer, which she lost the fight about 8 months ago.
She split EVERYTHING between us 50/50, including a business I had nothing to do with but my brother did, we honestly were both surprised by that, & he rather quickly bought me out because he "felt like he was working for me" even though at no point did I even ask for a dime from it, & we could just work it out way down the road. As far as the house/property, shortly after she passed I was asking my money savvy uncle about how to handle things, he said we should split it now get it over with, I said I didn’t want to even have the conversation for at least a year to let things settle down. Well, my brother pushed and pushed for us to talk, & finally I said I eventually wanted out, ideally within a year. He agreed, but then 2 days later we got in our first ever fist fight & he said "I’m not fucking selling" which fine, whatever. Since then, he has been adamant that its not fair he should have to go in to debt (each half is $1.75M) to keep things the same, & I’m selfish & just want money, & I should be trying to earn something on my own merit, he has built so much (businesses, big house, property) and I need to do the same.
Well, I am aggressively allergic to horses, and can never do anything with the house because I will always have to get his permission. Also, growing up, my dad was an incredibly abusive narcissist, so I don’t have a lot of the warm fuzzies attached to the house that he does. I loved my mom more than anything, truly an incredible woman, but the house was only special because of her, now its just a house. He says he doesn’t want a new neighbor, shouldn’t have to give up what HE has built in order to pay me out, and that I would be ruining things for the other women still using the property for their work with horse therapy for young girls dealing with abuse or illnesses.
I am not trying to sabotage anything, if I was I would just force the sale, but he keeps doing a really good job of making me feel guilty about wanting to just get cashed out and leave. Most of our family agrees with me, including moms siblings & parents, that its completely fair to buy me out if he wants to keep it. I honestly don’t think I’m wrong or being selfish, but I’m also too involved. And obviously we both have different perspectives and you’re only hearing my side, but still. Based on this, would I be the asshole for insisting I get bought out now-ish?
NTA: half the property is yours. He didn’t work for it any more than you did, your mom could only bequeath WHAT SHE OWNED, which wouldn’t be any of his stuff. Frankly HE is the one being greedy not you, don’t let him get in your head about it.
Just have him pay you rent. The property is half yours. IF he doesnt want to buy it, and doesnt want to rent it, tell him to pound sand.
Yeah, this is above the pay grade of Reddit. You need to talk to a lawyer about forcing a sale. Brother sees the opportunity to get all the inheritance for himself by making you walk away, absolutely do not let him, NTA
He’s got two choices. He can buy you out, or sell and split the proceeds. You need to be resolute, and consult an attorney if he continues to be an ass.
NTA
You may need to get a lawyer to help you out. I don’t mean a fight-it-out-in-court lawyer. Just someone who works in inheritance that can advise you.
NTA
You realize your brother is trying to bully you and HE is the one that wants the money and everything because he thinks he deserves it more?
NTA.
Get layered up if need bee and get out of that situation quickly, don’t let it drag out because “family”.
NTA, go talk to an estate lawyer. They will likely do a free consultation. There are various solutions.
NTA.
You inherited and it was your mother’s wish (may she rest in peace) to split it 50/50.
If you and your brother don’t come to an agreement that you are comfortable with I’d go to a lawyer straight away because as far as I can see from what you described, this will not be solved amicably either way.
Also: Don’t let your brothers problems become your problems if he can’t buy you out. You inherited it, you have your rights.
Your mother left you 50:50 – what you do with your half is up to you. Your brother buys you out or the estate gets sold and each of you gets your share. He only has to go into debt if he wants to purchase your half of the estate from you. That is HIS choice. He can elect to keep what he already owns and invest his half of the estate wherever he chooses
Do not allow your brother to bully you into doing what he wants. He is seeking only his own interests. And take no notice of his whinges. The bottom line is he has just inherited $1.75M. The guy’s an ingrate!
Does the will have executors – if so, who? They have a fiduciary duty to ensure each beneficiary gets whatever is stated in the will. If your equal share is worth $1.75M, you each must inherit that (after any inheritance tax, probate costs and other costs are deducted).
In my country, all estates must go through probate and taxes paid before the estate is shared. This can take time depending on how complex the estate is. Get a good probate solicitor who can support you through the journey. They also have a fiduciary duty to ensure the will is followed. They are expensive but worth it if you have someone like your brother in the mix only interested in looking out for himself.
NTA. Good luck!
NTA
Go talk to a good estate lawyer.
Explain everything and tell them that you don’t want to fuck anybody over.
But you want what’s fair and you want what’s rightfully yours.
A good lawyer can help you find solutions that get you out of this mess that don’t necessarily mean ruining the family business.
But make no mistake – your brother didn’t build this by himself.
He had a ton of your mother’s help and her property and her money…
Which is why SHE owned that business…
And she left half of it to you.
NTA and if he ‘has built so much’ as he claims, then he should have a hard time getting a loan to allow him to buy you out.
NTA I’m so sorry for the loss of your mom.
Your brother is trying to force you to stay there, where you don’t want to be, and not be able to go do your own thing simply because the other options aren’t what he wants. His wants are not more important than yours.
I do think you should consult an attorney, who can help you present several options to him, but ultimately you’re not staying there.
\-He buys you out now, and can continue letting the horse therapy happen there
\-You each keep 50% of the house and property, but rent out both portions and split proceeds, until you both decide to sell or he buys you out.
\-He buys you out, moves to your mom’s house, and sells his other house.
\-You sell the house and property and split it, and he gets over it.
NTA
His not buying you out is forcing YOU to live under his control and he clearly DOES NOT want to do this. Probably if it was sold, he’d have issues tending his horses on 2 acres instead of his 2 and 8 belonging to your mother’s estate (ie you and him). You should check with an attorney because you should have the right to force a sale. Again he may not like it, but IT is you right and he is the one being greedy.
NTA. An inheritance is not an imprisonment. If your brother wants to keep all of the property, he needs to step up & buy it. You are not obligated to maintain the status quo for the benefit of him or the woman with the horse therapy.