Getting married next month and my sister’s boyfriend wants to propose to my sister who’s my bridesmaid at my wedding.
Now we don’t even have a good relationship to begin with, I mean everyone knows how I feel about him with my sister but my sister loves him and he has managed to make my parents become fond of him so there’s nothing I can do. He only wants to do this so he can get the spotlight which he craves on a daily so No he’s not doing it because there’ll be ‘love in the air’ lol. Last year my sister got a promotion and at the party he decided to announce the completion of his second book. This wasn’t planned and not even my sister knew he was going to do sth like that but it seemed like I was overreacting when I got mad with him about it later.
I spoke with my fiancé about his request and he asked me to uninvite him because ‘you know he’s going to go ahead with it, he doesn’t need your approval’. And he’s right, it isn’t far fetched. He can decide to go ahead with it no matter what I say and I can’t uninvite him to my wedding because there’s going to be questions. Can’t tell my sister about it because she probably doesn’t even know he’s planning to propose.
Now I feel like I’ll be the asshole if I don’t let him do it, will I be hindering my sister’s happiness somehow?
NTA proposing at someone else’s wedding is a real Jerk move. I’d suggest having someone while making announcements make a joke about proposing during the wedding and how gauche it is. “Ladies and Gentlemen please no cameras out during the ceremony as there will be professional photographers. Please switch your phones to silent mode to not cause a disturbance. And for the love of god don’t be so gauche as to propose at someone else’s wedding” Then your friends and family laugh and say can you imagine being the type of person that would do that?
That is an awesome idea!
NTA
I’m with your fiance on this. As far as the questions “He wanted to do something I was uncomfortable with, and made it clear he’d do it anyway, after I said no.” If they push too much, spoil the surprise for her.
He will definitely propose.
Either uninvited him or, if you have a DJ, make them aware to immediately start playing music and redirect guest attention away from his spectacle.
You’re NTA, but he definitely is!
Tell the sister his plans. If he doesn’t care about your plans why would you care about his?
Also recruit a snappy cousin on the husband’s side of the family to tell them how trashy they are for being too cheap to plan their own event.
If some guy was going to hijack my brother/cousins wedding I would boo the shit out of them. At least half of the people at your wedding don’t give a flying fuck about sister or her trash boyfriend, make sure they know it if they try to steal the show.
Bonus points for this plan: your parents can’t get mad at you because it’s your HUSBAD’S family, what are they going to do about it??
Honestly? You absolutely CAN un invite him, yes there will be questions but you can simply say that this is something you and future husband have decided on due to matters that you are unwilling to discuss at this time.
That being said, no you would NOT be TA for not letting him propose. Regardless of any reasoning he may have for doing it if you don’t want someone proposing at your wedding then that should be respected. You may not be able to talk to your sister but you can talk to the rest of your wedding party to run interference on making sure it doesn’t happen.
NTA. It’s your wedding. If you don’t want him to propose, then take steps to make sure he can’t. Uninviting him would be one, but you’ve said that’s off the table to avoid questions. Okay, so on to other options. One might be to give the groomsmen (for example) a photo of him and a heads-up that this might happen and instructions on what to do (get him out of the venue space as quickly/inconspicuously as possible. And tell the DJ to not give this guy (again, share a photo) a microphone so he can’t get everyone’s attention; also, you could give the DJ orders that if it looks like this guy is going to try to do it even without a mic, to play a really loud/high-energy dancing song as a distraction.
Info: would your sister even want a public proposal? Would she want him to co-opt your wedding this way? (How did she feel about him taking over her promotion party?) Not that any of it matters, because, again, this is **your** wedding day, not his proposal day.
Do not uninvite him. Way more waves – he will be family soon and your sister won’t understand rn.
Tell him he may NOT at your wedding.
Tell the DJ or MC that he might try and to not relinquish the floor to him.
If he starts, ding your glass and announce you are about to kiss your spouse and everyone should take pictures.
Set someone to remind him at the start of the reception he must not and that he’ll be asked to leave if he does, and that you’ll tell your sister why at that point.
This is your party. He’s TA, YANTA.
NTA. I don’t think you can uninvite him without ruining your sister’s surprise and causing tension between you and her.
I would suggest letting the DJ know. Have him keep an eye on her bf and any time he seems to be about to propose, play very loud music, start a game of some type, play a club anthem, cut the mic, anything he can do to take the attention off your sister’s bf. Have a $200 tip if he does well.
At the best, you pay $200 for nothing to happen (seriously, pay him to keep an eye). At the worst, either he won’t get to propose, or it will be a lot less public than he hoped with all the distractions.
>Can’t tell my sister about it because she probably doesn’t even know he’s planning to propose.
Yes you can.
Be sure to frequently mention in front of boyfriend and sister how bad you feel for women who get proposed to at someone else’s event because they’ll always know they weren’t worth even the cost of a nice dinner in their boyfriend’s heart.
Yeah. Like “I feel so bad for those women ya know? Their boyfriend doesn’t even think they’re special enough to merit their own party!”
I photographed weddings to 10 years. I only saw a handful of these, but every single one of them got weird. The attention shifts and it isn’t your wedding anymore, it’s their engagement party that you paid for.