So I’ve taken over the family business along with my sister. Recently a friend of mine, who I always considered a very good friend, started just distancing himself. Yesterday I found out what it was.
A few months ago we opened a position in our company and one of the resumes was [friend’s] gf (she did not know when she applied that it was my company). In order to keep it professional, I wasn’t involved in the process. My sister did the interview. It was actually kind of awkward because as she was leaving the building, I was walking in but I pretended I didn’t see her because she faltered in her step, clearly recognizing me and said hello and I just said hello back and kept going like I didn’t recognize her which could’ve been genuine since I have not been in a lot of gatherings with her honestly.
Anyway we ended up going with another person for the job. Apparently friend’s gf sent an email asking for any updates a few weeks after the interview but we never responded to her. My sister deals with the e-mails usually. My friend is mad at me and said he is greatly disappointed in my handling of the situation. That he was fine with her not being picked but that me not even bothering to send an e-mail and tell her she didn’t get the job is unaceptable in his opinion, considering we are such good friends. I told him I was just keeping it professional and unbiased. He said it’s totally fine that she wasn’t picked, it was about the fact I didn’t bother to send the feedback and that I pretended to not know her when she was just saying "hi". He is one of those people that when he is done with you, he is done, he doesn’t want to fight but he clearly doesn’t want to associate much with me anymore. I think he’s just salty on behalf of his gf but I need opinions on this.
YTA. Why did you ghost an applicant? That’s super unprofessional.
Yeah, I think YTA. Removing yourself from the process was the right thing to do, but there was no reason to pretend not to know her. I also would have told my friend that I saw that she applied and that I was letting someone else do the interviews to remain unbiased. Instead you were weird an evasive. Sis is the AH too for not following up. It’s super rude when companies do that.
Info: did you know that your sister ghosted the gf?
I’m leaning toward mild YTA for pretending not to know her. That wasn’t necessary.
Your company policy to not let candidates know they weren’t chosen sucks, so I agree with your friend. Getting all the way to an interview and then being ghosted while waiting and hoping for a positive answer is really hard. It’s not that difficult to even just send an email saying “thank you for applying but we went with someone else.” Don’t leave people hanging like that. It may not be a big deal to you when considering new hires, but it is a very big deal to the person who applies and then comes in for an interview. I have to wonder what other ways you are cluelessly inconsiderate to those you hire?
Kinda sounds like OP and sister have no clue what they’re doing
To get to the interview stage and be ghosted is crazy
Especially when she also followed up via email. *Super* unprofessional to not respond to an applicant even when they specifically reached out afterwards.
It isn’t professional to not notify applicants whether or not they’ve been chosen.
AH move.
Yta Who pretends they don’t know someone and ghosts applicants after an interview? People with no integrity.
YTA Your ex friend is absolutely correct and I don’t blame him one bit for cutting you off. The professional thing to do is to say ‘thank you for your time, however the position has been filled’, or words to that affect. And how in the world is it ‘professional’ to pretend you didn’t know her? Are you new at this line of work? Perhaps you should take classes in public relations.
YTA- it’s so straightforward to notify people that the position has been filled. It’s a full lack of respect that employers don’t often notify people that they’re moving forward with someone else, because it leaves the applicants in limbo for far too long.
YTA.
But your friend’s reasoning – “*considering we are such good friends*” – is misguided.
The reason you and your sister are assholes is NOT that this particular applicant deserved a personal reply based on her status as your friend’s girlfriend.
The reason you and your sister are assholes is because *this woman was a job applicant* \- what’s more, an applicant good enough to make it all the way to interview stage! – and STILL neither of you could be bothered telling her that she was unsuccessful. Not even one line via email or SMS.
I’ve applied for many jobs during my working life, and I came to detest employers who never bothered to reply. Every applicant deserves a reply, no matter how brief. It means they can then stop holding on to hope for that job, and direct their efforts elsewhere.
Three times you said that you tried to be professional. True professionals don’t ghost job applicants. Only assholes do.
Do better.
YTA. Removing yourself from the hiring process is fine and even admirable. But that does not excuse how you apparently treat candidates.
It takes nothing to send a simple decline email — and for candidates who actually made it to the interview stage, it’s just common professional courtesy to acknowledge and thank them for their time even if (perhaps especially when) you’ve decided to go with another candidate. And given the personal connection, it was even more imperative that your company be intentional in your communications. You needlessly exacerbated the situation by practically ignoring her when you ran into her.
You were under no obligation to hire your friend’s girlfriend (or even interview her), but you absolutely should have treated with her respect. You missed the mark, big.
YTA in both cases. Ignoring someone you know shows a lack of character, especially as a company leader. Ghosting a candidate that has interviewed sends the message that you’re probably not a company where people will want to work. It is really classless.