This morning my normal commute (usually about an hour max) turned into almost 1 hour 35 minutes because of rain and traffic. I was already in the car for almost an hour and had only made it to North Park (San Diego drivers + rain = chaos).
I texted our small work group chat (me + 3 coworkers) asking if anyone had an issue with me turning around and working from home since I could get home faster than I could get to the office at that point. One coworker said she was fine with it.
I vented in the chat that the traffic was “ridiculous” and said I was beyond frustrated. One coworker replied with “It’s not a snow day lol” and later “Yo chill.” I apologized in the group and said I was just really frustrated.
She then responded with:
“Yea totally a reason to get heated at me for a commute that you chose. But by all means work from home, no need to bring that drama here.”
For context: I was frustrated at traffic, not her. I wasn’t directing anything at her personally. I’ve since messaged her privately apologizing if my tone came off heated and clarified it wasn’t about her.
She’s also going through a messy breakup right now, so I’m wondering if emotions are just high all around.
AITA for venting in the group chat and then working from home?
ESH. Are you allowed to work from home or not? Don’t put it on your coworkers.
NTA but in the future limit complaining about commute in work environments
Where you live and work is not anyone else’s problem. If your job allows WFH just tell them you’ll WFH and leave it there
NAH. You mentioned being frustrated, is it possible that you came off as snapish in the chat? It sounds pretty minor either way, so I wouldn’t really worry about it.
Our office vibe is very SCREAMING INTO THE ETHER. We all go off on various things, traffic included. Even our boss is part of the play. And we all love our office as well… we all get along very well.
ESH. Get someone else to vent to besides your coworkers who are at work as they’re supposed to be.
Is your co worker sixteen?
I feel so bad for everyone else on your team.
Softly YTA. You can ask and explain the situation and that’s fine. But then you went off and that was unprofessional. No one wants to hear someone else complaining like that. Being frustrated isn’t a free for all. Learn to keep yourself in check.
Some YTA. Do you think your coworkers enjoyed their commute any more than you did?
NTA but I’d limit my engagement in the group chat moving forward. Not sure I would have asked permission in the chat if none of the are who you directly report to and would have just informed them.
Maybe your coworker just sucks, but if you complain or make excuses a lot with this type of thing then could be why she is being snappy.
What was “Yo chill.” in response to? Seems like you very conveniently left your texts out.
Without seeing the actual exchange, it sounds like simple miscommunication. People infer tone, etc. when they’re reading text that may or may not reflect what the writer is feeling.
Also . . . please say you weren’t texting and driving. One of the most dangerous things you can do.
ETA: “I texted our small work group chat … asking if anyone had an issue with me turning around and working from home since I could get home faster than I could get to the office at that point.”
What would your coworkers say if they did have an issue with your not coming in? It’s hard to say, “Actually, it would be far more convenient if you came in” to someone who’s as upset as you told them you were about the traffic.
Either apologize and tell them you’re not coming in, or present it like a real choice. “This traffic is terrible, I’m on the fence about going back home vs. coming in. Is there anything anyone needs me to be there in person for? Please let me know.”
Is it possible some of your expressions of frustration were aimed at emphasizing how bad the traffic was to help justify your choice to go home?
NTA. Not sure why she thought it was about her?
YTA for having an extended text conversation in traffic with coworkers that are presumably not your supervisor
Why would you ask people who do not have authority over you? Any answer they give is going to be performative because they don’t have authority to order you to come in so what choice do they really have? You’re giving them the illusion of choice which is very odd.
Then you’re venting to them when they are all in the office and you “get” to go home. Just send them an initial text to let them know what’s happening and go home without all this added texting and fanfare, Jesus. You can catch up with them when you log on.
Edit: (After seeing what OP actually texted, I am changing my judgment to YTA)
____
~~ESH~~
A work group chat is not the place to be venting your frustrations. She didn’t want to hear about your traffic irritations
>apologizing if my tone came off heated and clarified it wasn’t about her
It doesn’t matter that it’s not about her. She didn’t want to be the recipient of your frustrations.
Her passive-aggressive response didn’t help things.
YTA. Asking your coworkers in a group chat if any objects to your working from home unfairly puts them on the spot. She probably did object to you working from home but cannot say so without appearing to be unreasonable, especially after another coworker already agreed. I suspect you knew your request was inappropriate or would be viewed negatively, otherwise why the exaggerated vent about how ridiculous the roads are?. Afterall, terrible traffic is pretty normal. You need to leave not based on the best traffic but provide time for terrible traffic.
Your coworker was passive aggressive….. because she felt like she couldn’t be forthright and express her honest opinion that you ought to come in to work like everyone else managed to do. She also probably thought your vent was manipulation – just showing how unpleasant you would be to be around if anyone actually insisted you come in.