My bio dad (M 62)is getting married to his girlfriend (F 48) in about 6 months, and every time I learn something new about this wedding, I dread it even more. Additionally, the financial implications of this wedding are starting to really stack up. Official wedding invitations came out today, but I have known details about the wedding for 3 weeks now.
For starters, the wedding is a destination wedding and happens on a Tuesday. The plan is for close family to all stay in a large Airbnb for three days starting Sunday. For those three nights, it is about $500 per couple. My fiancé and I are very tall people, and the majority of the beds in this Airbnb are twin beds. It is not confirmed, but since I am not comfortable sharing a room with another couple, my fiancé and I may end up spending more for a private room. The thing is, I can get a decent hotel room for way cheaper, but the expectation is that we stay in this Airbnb.
The wedding is themed and requires both myself and my fiancé to purchase specialty outfits to match the theme of the wedding. The theme is very specific, and the type of costumes we would be expected to wear is not something that I have. My dad’s girlfriend is sending me links to custom costumes from Etsy that are over $900.
My bio dad and his fiancé are not doing a traditional reception. The reception is being held at a restaurant, and they are going to provide a single champagne toast, but guests are required to pay for themselves if they want to eat. For their registry, they are asking for cash for their honeymoon.
For 6 months’ notice, this wedding is already extremely expensive for me and my fiancé to attend.
I know traditionally the guide line for a wedding gift is whatever the cost of your plate is so since we are not being fed would it be okay to not give a gift? WIBTA?
Just don’t attend… NTA … Also never heard of this… I know traditionally the guide line for a wedding gift is whatever the cost of your plate
It was something that Bride Magazine tried very heavily to make happen. When in reality, a guest should never know the cost of their plate. And etiquette just says to spend what you can reasonably afford to get them something they would need or want. At least in my culture
NTA and no, I would not buy a gift in addition to everything else they’re asking.
Your presence is your present.
NTA. Just don’t go.
NTA but also don’t go. Seriously, do not go. You can’t afford it, they aren’t being good hosts, you won’t be comfortable.
NTA pretty sure most couples who destination weddings they know the trade off is not getting gifts because of the expense to attend the event
But I wouldn’t even go if I were you, you have no interest or faith in your dads relationship
NTA requiring all that of your guests is ridiculous. I would think it’s fine to not give a gift, you shelling out money to attend and wear their costumes they want and pay for your own dinner? Yeah, no gift.
Personally I think I’d try to get out of going all together, it’s too expensive and inconvenient.
NTA. But if I were in this situation. I would send them a gift now and let them know you can’t afford to participate in the wedding, but wanted to send a gift. Then send them what you can afford.
No need to attend. Just send them a card and let it go at that. An invitation is not a demand.
There’s inconsiderate and then there’s your dad’s wedding in it’s own special category of mega-inconsiderate. A $900 themed costume and an extremely expensive single bed in a room with another couple? I think not.
I would suggest that you tell your dad that while you’d love to attend, you can only do so if you stay at a hotel of your own choosing and don’t wear costumes. Ask if this is OK with him and his fiancee. If it’s not OK, decline the invitation politely and get them a really nice gift.
If you go, buy a costume, and stay at the Air B&B, forget about a gift.
NTA
I’d find a way to nope out on the whole thing. sounds awful.
NTA. You are being asked to shell out hundreds, possibly over a thousand dollars, to attend a themed, midweek destination wedding where you’re expected to pay for your own lodging, meals, and even elaborate costumes, and now they want *cash gifts* too?
You are absolutely not obligated to give a wedding gift, especially when you’re already paying for travel, accommodations, outfits, and food. The traditional “cost of your plate” guideline doesn’t apply when the couple is not even covering the basics. Gifts are a gesture of goodwill, not an invoice to be paid for attending.
$900 for a costume but they won’t spring for a meal? And they want cash for the honeymoon? Who are these people?
NTA And save your money for your wedding!
YWNBTA
IMO getting married at their age should not expect wedding gifts at all.