I’m M17, homeschooled and live in a very remote area, I don’t see people my age and there aren’t any local places to meet others, the nearest towns with social activities are far away, and I feel extremely isolated. Over time, this has hurt my mental health, and I’ve been feeling depressed and close to a breaking point.
I decided to try something social, and swimming felt safe since I used to enjoy it. the closest club for my age is about an hour away (or 2 hours by bus). Public transport is terrible, it requires leaving around 10:20 am, waiting at the pool for 1.5 hours and coming home around 6pm. That adds up to 8 hours for just 1 hour and 15 minutes of swimming. It’s exhausting and totally unsustainable.
I asked my parents if they could drive me once a week. My dad’s work is flexible, so he doesn’t have a rigid job that makes it hard to help. After some hesitation, they agreed. The first week went well, and I loved being back in the pool.
The second week was different. My parents were annoyed from the start. My dad tried to get my older sibling to drive me, which led to argument I didn’t want to be part of. Eventually my dad drove me, but around 15 minutes into the ride, he said:
“You’re 17, not a little kid. We’re not going to drive you everywhere.”
“What will we do when you’re 18? Should we drive you to work or university?”
“We already drive you to exams.”
“What do you have to do that you can’t take the bus?”
“Fuel costs money. I have work too.”
“Nobody drives kids to activities in the middle of the day. What do you expect?”
I tried to explain the bus situation, but he dismissed it. I went quiet, I felt like a burden, I didn’t deserve care, love, or support. I said "I feel like I’m a burden. I’ve felt this way because there were numerous moments like this especially with my mom, and it’s all built up over time. In that moment, something in me just broke. I felt like I shouldn’t ask for anything at all. Like I should just disappear into my room and not be a problem.
Every time I ask for something, I feel like an inconvenience. It seems that your love is only there when it’s convenient" He brushed it off and shifted the conversation to his new expensive phone and travel plans, which left me confused was this about money, or was I just being inconvenient?
Thank you all for replies, the legal driving age in my country is 18, so i can’t do that yet, I could go to a public school but It’s also kind of far away which means long drives everyday by bus, and the school system is very stressful, none of the options seem good
Man, this hits hard. You’re 17, isolated, trying to take care of yourself, and your parents are making it feel like a crime. That’s rough. You deserve support, not guilt trips.
Ntah
As long as you aren’t sitting there with headphones and treating them like chauffeur. But heaven forbid they have to have a little bit of quality time with their kid. Listen to a podcast that you might both enjoy. Or some music. In this day and age where everybody’s on their own devices, they are lucky that they have an opportunity to be in the car with you for an extended period of time. And before they know it, you’re gonna be a grown-up and they’re never gonna see you. So they should enjoy it while it lasts.
NTA, I’ve been there and it sucks. I was “homeschooled” because I was too sick to go to school, but it got my family really used to not having to do anything for me. When my health got a little better and I needed rides to start doing community theatre, my family was angry and complained all the time. Do not quit just because they complain. You need to interact with other people and be active. Bring headphones and listen to music for most of the rides to tune them out until the day comes that they adjust to the new schedule (hoping that happens). Take care of yourself, put yourself out there, and work towards independence. Don’t let them ruin your life.
NTA. Driving kids to activities is something parents do, especially if the child has no way to get there by themselves. People shouldn’t be having children if they can’t be bothered to drive them to a weekly extracurricular activity (when they are not working).
INFO – Have your parents asked you to learn to drive before now?
Yes, can you learn to drive? How did your sibling learn?
NTA: but it’s time to take charge of your life. Get your drivers license. Change how you view the bus trip. Make it fun and use the time to plan or study. Make friends and perhaps spend the night before or after swimming.
Taking the bus uses up 8 hours of your day but some of it is fun. If your dad is driving it is using up almost 4 hours of his day and taking time away from work.
Have you thought about getting your license so that you can do the driving? It would be a long stint for your parent to hang out and wait. Other option is to do something else while you wait for the bus. Can you pick up another activity while you are in that area to use up your time?
NTA.
Your father home schools you (a not good idea, but who am I to say anything) and is not willing to drive you to an activity?
Can you ask to get your drivers license so it dos not annoys them and give you a bit more of freedom
?
Normal parents are not like this, I want you to know. Normal parents are happy that their kids have wholesome activities and will encourage them. Your parents are being assholes. NTA.
NTA. They chose to live in BFE and homeschool you, so they are responsible for your isolation. It’s incumbent on them to help you become a healthy adult, physically, mentally and emotionally, and that includes helping you develop socially. They moved you to the middle of nowhere; they have to cope with the consequences.
Absolutely NTA. If you don’t want to drive your kids places, don’t live in the middle of nowhere.
If you don’t want to facilitate your kids’ social lives, don’t home school.
If you do want to be a parent, don’t be a d***.
It’s pretty simple really, so I can only assume that your parents aren’t very bright. Or they’re deliberately AHs. Could be both.
NTA that’s part of being a parent. If they don’t want to drive you they can assist you with getting your license and a car.
NTA for asking.
1) get your drivers license. Will they allow you to drive one of their cars/ get you a car later?
2) what’s the college plan? Are you expected to go off to college without any social interaction at all prior? Or are you expected to do online college only and stay home forever?
3) can’t they group grocery shopping and any other errands around your weekly swim time? I assume big grocery shopping is necessary at least one a week right?
4) take the bus, find other activities during the time you are there. Go to the library. Shopping mall/area. Any other places teens may hang out? Where is the high school located in relation to where your swim classes are? Try other classes that take place at the same location on the same day. Try something new.