So my brother, along with one buddy I’ve had for years were planning on going to a NASCAR race this spring break. Well, my girlfriend, who was originally going on a family vacation had a change of plans, and they’re moving their vacation to the summer. With that being said, she asked if she could come with me, knowing full well it was a sort of guys trip.
I ran it past my brother and buddy, and they obviously don’t mind her tagging along because she’s genuinely a fun person to be with, but mind you, I booked this trip beforehand. She’s not happy with me because she doesn’t want to stay in the same room as my brother and buddy. Obviously she would be sharing a bed with me, but she says she doesn’t like the idea in general, and would much prefer a private room with me.
It’s not a big deal, she still plans on going, but AITAH for not changing my reservation? I physically cannot change the reservation without losing my money since it was paid for in advance. We communicate very well, and it’s truly not a big deal, but I’m young, I’ve only been on one other trip with her overnight. Am I putting her in an uncomfortable spot? Is it weird for a group of people to stay in one room?
*Is it weird for a group of people to stay in one room?*
Not in my opinion. I used to go skydiving in my younger days, and we all used to bunk down in mixed-gender bunkhouses. (Strictly no hanky panky.) So I don’t think it’s weird at all.
But what I (or anyone else) thinks of the four of you sharing a room doesn’t matter. It’s really up to the four of you. If you’re all OK with it, it’s fine.
The real issue here is that **she invited herself along** after arrangements were already locked in, and now wants to change those arrangements, in a way that’s going to cost you more money.
In my opinion, the person who invites himself or herself along can take it or leave it. If the arrangements already made can’t be altered without inconvenience or extra cost (that they alone are not willing to pay for), then they can either accept things as they are, or they can stay home. They don’t get to invite themselves along and then demand that everything be rearranged for their comfort.
For that reason, you are NTA.
**UPDATE** and clarification, for the pedantically inclined: “She invited herself along” means “She asked to come along”.
It makes no difference that the other three said yes to her request. It makes no difference whether they greeted her request with enthusiasm, whether two of them reluctantly said yes in order not to annoy OP, or something in between. The point is, THEY didn’t initiate the invitation. SHE ASKED. Thus, she invited herself along.
NTA. Your gf invited herself along on a trip you had already booked. If she wants to go, she shares a room with your boys—it’s not that complicated. She can also just not go and let you keep your original plans.
As far as room sharing, I guess it might be a little awkward if she doesn’t know them well, but she can just wear proper PJs to sleep and change in the bathroom—it’s not that big of a deal. Of course she’d prefer a private room, but that doubles the cost for everyone which would be an AH move to brother and buddy.
I’d just say you’d love to have her join you, but understand if the room arrangement is a deal breaker for her.
It’s understandable for her to want a separate room, but since she decided to come late it should be her responsibility to pay for it. This includes any cancellation fee and/or any additional cost the other two are paying because they are no longer sharing with you.
You would be TA if you refused to switch even if she was willing to pay. She would be the AH if she insisted on you switching without paying for it.