Throwaway account.
I have been friends with "Justin" for several years. At one point a few years ago, we were hanging out several times a week. I had some feelings for him and I was pretty sure he had feelings too, but I realized that we likely weren’t compatible for a lasting long-term relationship with one another and so I began to out distance between us (this was equal parts the fact that I realized that we probably weren’t compatible long-term, and because of my own issues surrounding relationships).
It’s been about four years since we last hung out one-on-one, but we still see each other a few times a year in group settings, and every time I see him I realize I still have feelings for him. I think he might still feel the same. I still think we would not make a good long-term match, but we’re both still single (I have not had any relationships, he has had a couple of short ones).
I’m very likely moving across country this summer and currently don’t intend to return to my home city after. Would I be the asshole of I told him my feelings and see if he would be interested in pursuing something for the remaing few months I have here, with the foreknowledge that the relationship would end when I moved? Or should I just let things stay how they are?
NAH but what are you hoping to achieve by telling them now?
If they turn around and say the same then what? You realise you can have a relationship then move across the country?
This seems like something best left in the past
I’m getting vibes that OP just wants to hit it lol – which no judgment go for it OP! Just make sure you’re on the same page
What I hope would happen is that we could have a couple of months of having casual, low-pressure dates with the knowledge that it won’t last more than a few months so that we don’t have to worry about long-term capability, and then we’d have a respectful and amicable parting at the end.
I worry that there’s an even more likely chance of one or both of us getting hurt by the whole thing.
I get why you’d want that, to fill the time before you go on with your new life, but why would he want to invest time in a relationship with a clear cut off date?
Sorry, I commented above before I saw this. If you think it’s going to end up with hurt feelings don’t bother. You could however have an adult conversation with them about whether they’ve ever felt the same, if they share your feelings it wouldn’t work etc. If it were me I wouldn’t do it (what’s the point really at this stage if you haven’t already). If however you want to draw a line under it and can’t unless you explore it further that exploration should be a conversation .
NTA as long as you’re totally upfront about this being time limited.
NTA. Do you want to spend the rest of your life thinking “What if…”. Bring up you had a bit of a crush on him years ago and see where it goes.
YTA. *Hi, I have feelings you. I have for years. By the way, I’m moving.* You’ve let it go this long, what difference would it make now?
NTA. We only get one chance at this life and nothing is guaranteed. I think it’s worth telling him as long as you have an open mind for what the future may bring.
NTA. There’s nothing wrong with shooting your shot just make sure you’re okay with it potentially not going anywhere because a relationship with an expiration date isn’t exactly appealing to everyone.
A big chunk of the missing story is why you think you aren’t compatible and has that changed? I mean you’re 37, not 17, so expect you have a pretty good handle on what you want in a relationship. If you are still incompatible but you find him attractive be honest, this is then really about permission to find out if he’s interested in a physical relationship in the few months you’ll be there. As long as nobody ends up feeling used or gets hurt, why not! NAH
What is with everyone saying NTA? That means the guy apparently is the asshole? For what. Sorry, just grinds my gears when people probably mean NAH.
Utofts. Ur too old for this shit.