Many things in the post such as job titles will appear vague for privacy reasons.
I (28F) attended an event yesterday with an unrelated acquaintance ‘**J**’ (17F) to eat, socialize with personal and professional acquaintances, and spectate some sports
We ended up getting roped into cleaning out the venue at the end of the day by our close acquaintance ‘**S**’ who has some standing agreement with the venue staff to volunteer in exchange for pizza and lower participation fees. We three (J, S, and I) were the only volunteers alongside two senior staff and a couple of interns
Me and ‘J’ end up spending a good amount of time moving heavy equipment, being shouted at by multiple people sometimes giving conflicting orders, and being directed every which way including outside in the freezing cold putting things in storage
Our moods are lifted when we see the food, ‘J’ and I each end up taking 3 slices from the 6 pizzas
While we’re eating, we talk to ‘S’ about how late it’s getting and that we each have to make it home by 9:30PM at the latest for some important commitments (sick pet and work stuff), and ‘S’ agrees that I should drive ‘J’ home and she’ll stay.
Around this time, I notice that the remaining few people are starting to gather into a group and pass around a sheet of paper between them. ‘S’ goes over to see what it is, and I once again go to ask her in a *joking* manner if we’ll be blacklisted for leaving if there’s more stuff left to do, but ‘S’ reiterates that we can go
10 minutes into the ride back I get a text from ‘S’ saying that the venue staff team leader ‘**A**’ (F50+) who me and ‘J’ have never met and didn’t recognize in the group, is apparently not very happy with us for ditching the remaining work after eating the pizza, but that she’s trying to smooth things over with ‘A’ on our behalf. I text back asking if if there’s a number I can venmo for what ‘J’ and I ate, or whether they want me to order more pizza for the group, and ‘S’ tells me that she already offered to cover for us but that they won’t take the money on principle. I offer to to come back as soon as I’ve dropped off ‘J’ seeing as I could have made it back in about 12, but ‘S’ tells me they’re already done so not to worry
Today me and ‘J’ go back to the event and get approached by the team leader. ‘A’ tells us that, while she’s not angry with us, she thinks we lack empathy, behaved in a calculating and conniving way, ‘grubbed up as much as you could eat’ and left her out in the cold
I don’t feel like dragging ‘S’ name into this confrontation so I simply tell ‘A’ that we misunderstood and would like to rectify the situation. She tells us that it’s not possible because we clearly planned our actions and hoped to get away with it since we didn’t ask her directly and instead ‘snuck out’
**AITA?** As the adult responsible for ‘J’ that evening I feel horrible that she had to sit through the following confrontation
Some critical information is too vague here.
Did you volunteer to clean the venue and sign up for that duty ahead of time in exchange for lower admission?
or
Did you attend the event expecting to spectate sports and socialize, pay the entry fee in full, and then respond to a plea from your “close acquantance” S?
How long is a “good amount of time” spent moving heavy things and putting them in storage?
If you paid in full expecting to just spectate and socialize, you are NTA and in fact, you need to strengthen your spine and cut “A” off. Tell her you attended to spectate, you volunteered to clean the venue only at the request of your friend S, and that you do not appreciate your gracious willingness to spend X hours moving heavy objects and working in the cold being repaid with insults and accusations, over a couple bucks of pizza you offered to repay. Tell A to “check herself” and back off.
Sorry, I ran out of characters! Both myself and ‘J’ attended the event only to watch our friends and socialize. There’s no admission fee to this type of event, you only pay to participate.
Basically ‘S’ was supposed to take ‘J’ home at first, but then ‘S’ promised to volunteer and I felt bad that ‘J’ was having to stay late to wait for her ride home while she had a cold and was tired. That’s when I ended up offering to join in. In hindsight I could have just taken ‘J’ home and bought food on the way, and let ‘S’ work off her participation fees with the group
My estimate for the amount of time we spent was about 1hr 45 minutes give or take from the end of the event until we left at about 8:45PM.
I don’t actually know this ‘A’ person at all, I only recently moved to the area and have only attended events at this venue as VIP at larger events, so never been involved in the volunteering aspect or spoken to venue staff. In this sport people usually only volunteer with our home venues, I’d never heard of a venue letting outside people/competitors work off their fees before
Unfortunately from what I gather this ‘A’ person is pretty high up in the organization that arranges these events, and unlike myself ‘S’ is somewhat dependent on working off her fees to participate so I felt uneasy bringing her into the conversation at all. While I hope I wasn’t actually an asshole (hence why I’m asking this sub!) it felt pretty pointless to argue with ‘A’ in the moment since she already had the notion in her head that I stole from her
After reading this NTA, I’m unsure what the level of fees were for participating, but I’m sure it was more than the cost of 6 slices of pizza. And regardless-they got 3.5 hours of unpaid labor (combined) from two people who didn’t have any agreement, if anything they’d owe you.
To smooth things over in the future, because it sounds like you want to, I’d clarify that you all volunteered separately from those that were paying off fees, and you were responsible for getting a minor home at a reasonable time. If they still have an issue, consider that dealing with that person will likely be more of a headache than it’s worth and avoid them when possible.
NTA. It sounds like S covered her ass and didn’t fess up that she told you guys to go, honestly.
They’re lucky to have had volunteer labor in the first place. I guarantee the 6 slices of pizza cost a lot less than the hourly rate of an employee doing the work you two did. If S was coordinating/liaising then she should have taken on the responsibility for the communication.
You say you got a text 10 minutes into the ride and that when you offered to come back they said they were done. So, are they upset about 15 minutes or so? By what you say, there were about 7 of you and 6 pizzas, so slightly less than half a pizza each doesn’t seem wrong. So, I’ll go with NTA.
Sorry for not clarifying! I ran out of characters in my post and the timeline is a bit jumbled looking at text history and driving distances.
But yes, 14 minutes after my car left the premises, when I had dropped off ‘J’ at her place and offered to come back to the venue and help since I was heading back the same direction, ‘S’ texted me back saying it was done and that I should head home.
I guess if we’re being petty about volunteer time in exchange for pizza, was each slice of pizza worth approximately (or exactly if you’re cranky!) 15 minutes worth of work? Did you complete 30 or 45 minutes worth of work (please equate that to slices per quarter hour when responding 😆). If you did 30 minutes of work, dropped a teenager off to do homework or other high school duties and committed to returning, only to find the work was already done, at most you “stole” 15 minutes of work, since they were already finished.
My basic question is, did you plan the great pizza caper of 2026 for 1 slice of pizza? If so, and you offered to repay the stolen goods with an immediate donation, what was the monetary value you placed on the stolen slice, including tip (always gotta tip where pizza is concerned). Did you offer more after your plan was foiled and for the obvious emotional distress this caused?
NTA and this supervisor lady is a control freak basket case. I hope you don’t have to interact with her in the future as a function of your job.
NTA
Definitely NTA. You got roped into it, were doing a good deed, and were a volunteer. They should appreciate that you spent your time doing this, and that you offered to make up when you learned that organisers weren’t happy.
If they want someone to bitch at for leaving late, they should hire people with contracts and rights that they can boss around with their rudeness and inability to communicate.
I would not be returning to this group. Speak to your friend and tell them that you don’t feel welcome. Hopefully they get the message, and if they don’t then you’ve dodged a bullet. You shouldn’t be worrying about giving your time to for free (or a few slices of pizza).
I’ve volunteered for scouts formally and tidy up after board games informally. I’ve volunteered with authentication organisations before and I didn’t last long (won’t name them).
Info. How long did you help out for? How long did everyone else help out for?
1hr 45 minutes of helping, including pizza break and some standing around waiting for tractors and instructions, from the info ‘S’ gave me they did about 15 minutes of work after we left. We helped clean out, the last 15 minutes were putting things in for the next day and making some measurements.
Since people in this sub have inquired about the timeline it has lead me to wonder if maybe they weren’t finished by the time I asked, and if instead ‘S’ just thought it was better if I didn’t come back to avoid a potential confrontation? But that’s honestly me playing guessing games, and it’s probably not helpful or productive to make assumptions based on stuff I don’t know.
So what I know from written down sources is that most people left after 2hrs, I left after 1hr 45min
If you didn’t sign up to volunteer, any help you gave should have been gratefully and graciously accepted. That said, if you weren’t expected to or planned for volunteering by the staff, you did take a lot of pizza from the volunteers who they DID plan for. 3 pieces of pizza is too many unless everyone else has already served themselves and there is extra pizza left. The staffer scolding you, needs to be reminded that you did not sign up to volunteer. You did this spontaneously and you will not be volunteering again for their organization since they clearly don’t treat volunteers respectfully (remind A of the disparate instructions and disrespectful way you were spoken to).
To my understanding no one outside (Not including the senior staff and interns) had signed up to volunteer, that’s why ‘A’ brought in ‘S’ at the last second and roped us into it. There is a facebook group I found dedicated to volunteering at this venue that has about 800 members in it but none of them were there
We were definitely super hungry after a long day of work and then moving equipment, but I can for sure see how this attracted negative attention our way and in hindsight it feels thoughtless.
From what I observed there were one and a half pizzas left when the food break was done as the senior members didn’t eat with the rest of us
Seems to me that ‘S’ tried, and succeeded to get you in trouble. And she’s the hero for staying. There’s one in every group.