For context I am f(19) my mom is f(73) and my aunt is f(53). My dad died in march of 2025 and since then it’s been me and my mom in the house. My aunt had come over to help my mom in the beginning with cremating and bank stuff. (I have also helped my mom as well with all of the stuff after) but lately my aunt has been taking control of my life. When I am late with a bill to my mom or if I want to go somewhere I get an angry text from my aunt even though I didn’t even tell her about it. I started to also receive threats to shut off my phone because I didn’t answer my aunts calls (even though I pay the phone bill) I feel like my mom isn’t advocating for herself and whenever we make a decision together my aunt barges in and changes my moms mind. And when I ignore my aunts text messages I get threatened to get my phone shut off. I feel like the only way to get away from this stress is to move out. Aita?
NTA. Moving out sounds like a healthy boundary. Your aunt is overstepping in ways that aren’t hers to control, and your mom isn’t able to advocate for herself. Protecting your mental space and independence doesn’t make you mean, it makes you responsible for your own life.
NTA, but you should keep on eye on your mom and make sure your aunt isn’t taking advantage of her. And also you shouldn’t really be sending bills late to your mom, she presumably is on fixed income or savings so if you agree to pay something but then pay it late or don’t pay it it could be a big financial stressor.
Also, this is kind of a big swing but is your aunt perhaps your biological mother? If your mom is 73 then she would be 54 when you were born, which is very unlikely biologically and I would guess also unusually old for a non-family adoption as well. That might explain why your aunt feels like she can tell you what to do.
No my mom is actually my grandmother she adopted me from my real mother because of drug related causes. My aunt literally just came into my life a year ago. Before my dad died she literally never contacted us
If your aunt your mom’s sister or dad’s sister?
You’re just 19 so it’s a lot of handle but your mom is old enough where I am concerned about her being scammed or taken advantage of and just generally needing more guidance/protection. Its possible that your aunt is trying to help/protect your mom (which doesn’t mean that your aunt’s decisions are necessarily correct) or its possible your aunt is trying to take advantage of your mom.
this, your mom is vulnerable right now, be wary of the aunt controlling her.
Since the phone bill is in YOUR name, you pay, you can contact the phone company and arrange a special code word or pin # to ensure that only you can change or close your phone service. Then aunt cannot touch your phone service.
I suggest you also Talk to your mom, see if she will let you do the same for her at her bank, utility bills, and so on. To keep Aunt out of your Mom’s business.
And call your state or county office of Aging Services (or similar title). Tell them you think your aunt is financially abusing your 73 year old mother, and Mom needs help keeping Aunt from taking over. Ask them to send a social worker to help.
Or call the cops and tell them your Aunt is financially controlling your mom, which is elder financial abuse and is a crime.
I don’t think the phone bill is in OP’s name. If it was, aunt wouldn’t even know when OP is late.
Playing devils advocate, it could be that OP’s mom is stressed with bills and leaning on the aunt to help. 73 likely means fixed income and if the dad just died that’s one less income to pay the same household bills.
Often people don’t make it a priority to pay mom and dad on time. If that’s the source of all of this, then OP ITA.
OP – what does your mom say about all this? she’s the one who keeps telling your aunt everything.
NTA
If you can swing living independently, go for it. You’re in the right age to go off to college or get roommates. Switch your phone to an account you fully control.
Don’t discuss personal finances with any of your family. Ensure your accounts cannot be accessed by anyone else. Keep your plans on the downlow until it’s too late for them to sabotage things.
You want to look out for your mom, but you can only do so much. If it seems to get worse, check in with Adult Protective Services and ask for advice.
NTA. Taking a break to protect your mental health and boundaries isn’t wrong; it’s responsible. Your aunt is overreacting, controlling, and manipulating, and that’s affecting both you and your mother. Creating distance is a healthy way to regain autonomy and reduce stress.
If you can afford to move out, you can afford to pay for bills on time. Do the second one for practice, then try the first
I mean open your own phone plan.
NTA, talk to your Mom, and/or both of them together. Some boundaries need to be established and your Mom needs to stand up to your aunt