I, having not read much since I finished college, was very excited at the idea of some of my friends doing a book club type thing. We are (were) reading a science fiction book that all 4 of us were extremely thrilled by.
The idea was for us to all read to certain chapter numbers (20,36,End) and have a little discussion surrounding the subject matter that we had just read.
The first crack was when one of our members maybe 5-7 day into us having just ordered the book let us know that he, in fact, had no self control and continued to read the entire book. My immediate thought was “great now it’s a 3 person thing I guess” but he was good about not spiking when speaking at the first stop at chapter 20. I was even ahead and waited at 20 for the other 2 at this point.
Now we are moving onto the next section, and one would think there would be a similar pace or casual nature behind the club. As my birthday was in the middle of the week I was counting on this being the case. What actually happened was different: The other 2 participants not only immediately read the next section of the book and discussed it with the person who had already finished completely ignoring the fact I was not there yet and would not be able to participate (Yes they were aware I was in fact, not caught up and planned to discuss anyway).
This all then culminated in them immediately finishing the book completely while I had to avoid reading the messages they had sent within a week prior.
The entire idea behind this was to make it an interactive progressive experience where we can all share our thoughts and how they changed over time. Now I have been made to feel very insignificant and I don’t see the point in the discussions if I wasn’t there for half of them. I have not said anything to anyone as I see it as I am just reading the book on my own now. Maybe I could have asked more for them to stop, but every time I would mention anything they would say “it’s too good to stop”.
I don’t see that as anything but a weak excuse for an outright lack of self control and disrespect. The entire idea behind this was that you waited and we could meet prior to finishing the book to make it more of a social experience. Now it feels like either I’m the asshole, or the other 3 have no self control whatsoever. There was never a deadline that was made for the completion either, just a standard of respect for the others time that seems to have only gone 1 direction but not the other due to a complete lack of respect. The ironic part is the person telling me to my face that they “couldn’t stop” was pissed the first guy did the exact same thing.
I’m a bit frustrated and depressed thinking about it now so I’m sorry if this was incoherent.
TLDR: 2 of my friends ignored me and finished/met about a book we were all reading together, when there was a precedent set by us that there would be pauses. 1 of them ignored it from the start and was unable to follow basic instructions from the start.
This is an incredibly bizare and stupid way to do a book club. You aren’t in English 11 learning how to analysis and preparing to write an essay, it’s an adult book club. You read the book, you get together, and you talk about it. Come on.
Yeah, I’ve never heard of a book club operating this way. You read the book, and discuss.
If I’m into a book, there’s no way I can stop at an arbitrary chapter and put the book down until other people catch up.
You’re screwed either way, OP.
In my opinion, you’re not wrong for feeling glum. The idea of a book club in general is for everyone to get to sit and discuss what they read on (relatively) equal terms. You even went a step further in that direction by saying “Hey, let’s make sure to only discuss certain parts at a time.” Again, the goal was clearly for everyone to be able to connect together.
It’s fine if one, or all, of the other attendees wanted to read ahead, but then they should have refrained from starting a side chat, as now you’re just going to be getting their re-heated discussion. The polite thing to do would have been to admit to reading ahead but then stick to the agreed-on schedule to discuss it (without spoiling anything). It’s crummy of them to do it the way they did as they’ve now isolated you, intentionally or not. As you say, the goal was to make this a social experience, which they did, and then excluded you from.
The problem is that you can’t make too big of a fuss here without seeming like you’re overreacting. And TBH, some of your comments (like: “one of our members maybe 5-7 day into us having just ordered the book let us know that he, in fact, had no self control and continued to read the entire book. My immediate thought was “great now it’s a 3 person thing I guess””) are particularly sharp so I wonder how you’re expressing that in person.
Ultimately, the goal of a book club should be to “have fun with your friends.” You have to be careful not to rob them of the “having fun” aspect, just as they should respect you and not steal the “with your friends” part.
NTA for feeling the way you feeling, but YWBTA if you approach this too aggressively. Tell them you loved the idea but next time you guys should maybe just commit to discussing when you’re all done reading or something. It’s ok to tell them you felt bummed that you didn’t get to join them for the discussions, and when you did it was like watching a rerun.
So like. You know normal book clubs have you read the entire book before meeting. Right?
YTA. It’s ridiculous to just read the book a little at a time anyway. If it’s a good book, why would you want to wait a week or however long for the next meeting to read it? Like, I thought the whole point was you read THE BOOK for BOOK club. It ain’t CHAPTER club.
ESH
You were doomed from the start, OP.
Telling people to only read up to a certain chapter and then wait to read more doesn’t work. There’s a reason that format isn’t used outside of school, and even in school you’re not punished for reading ahead – the book is just assigned in bits to make sure everyone actually gets through it.
NAH. I don’t know how most book clubs work but I wouldn’t have a get together until everyone had finished the whole thing. If you want to discuss certain chapters then make notes as you progress through the book. To me it just kind of silly to expect everyone to stop every few chapters, especially if the plot is getting interesting.
Typically how a book club works is the entire book is finished before the meeting. That’s why book clubs tend to be more of a monthly meet up, or biweekly. If it’s your first month, make some adjustments, see if you can change the format the following month. Don’t let this take the joy out of it for you.
NTA, but in the future, just plan on discussing the whole book. It is unreasonable to expect people to stop reading a good book in the middle.
This approach doesn’t make sense. I think you all need to restructure and pick a book then discuss that entire book.
No one’s an AH here. It’s a book club. People read ahead or even before the book is chosen. Finish or don’t finish the book (if you haven’t) and move on to the next book. Letting the progression of a book from a book club make you mad os a waste of your time and energy. If you want to keep those friends you’re going to have to let it go. Personally end a friendship over a book club isn’t something I’d do.
Just change it to a discussion after having read the whole book. Your setup is not realistic, everyone reads at different speeds and once you’re into the book it can suck to now have to pick up another one while you wait for everyone else to catch up. This is not going to work.
Unpopular opinion, but ESH/YTA. I’ve been in a ton of book clubs and I am in two right now, the way you set this up is crazy.
Those are way too many rules to follow for reading a book, and for me personally it would take the fun out of reading to be told I can only go to a certain point and then I have to wait for all of my friends to catch up while we’re all in different schedules and moving at different speeds. I would lose interest and have difficulty staying attached/motivated if I had to keep stopping and waiting for everyone else to catch up.
Have you considered using an app like fable? It allows you to provide chapter specific feedback, commentary, or notes, and you can only see your what other club members said about that chapter when you finish it yourself. It’s a great way to have the same collaborative introspective discussion while allowing everyone to move at their own pace and stay in communication.
YTA. When you’re reading something that’s real drudgery, having artificial stopping points (e.g.: chapter 10) is a real relief.
If you have a good book, you want to finish it. This whole thing was a really bad idea for how to run a book club.
Imagine that it were a movie club instead. You’ve selected Avatar, and you’re supposed to watch just the first half hour, then wait to discuss it, then watch the next half hour for the next meeting. Can you see how bizarre that is?