My wife got into a car accident a little over a month ago. It totaled her car, but she wasn’t at fault and the only injury she got was whiplash.
But since then she’s been extremely paranoid about when *I* drive. And I don’t know why her fears are becoming *my* problem. Her old car was a sedan and she got t boned by an SUV. It was some old ass lady who shouldn’t have been driving anyways. My wife’s new car was an SUV because she thinks it’s safer. That’s fine. But if I go out with the kids to do anything that may result in us getting back late (I/we take them out to do random stuff 1-2 Saturdays a month) she insists I take the bigger car (I also drive a sedan) because what if someone driving a (lifted) pickup truck/those 8 seater suvs/a semi-truck "doesn’t see me" and they hit us and we die. I can’t control other people on the road, and that shit will never happen. She doesn’t seem to get the second point.
I thought it would go away after a while, but she’s still been making it a big deal whenever I want to take my car whenever we go do something. Last time it came up when we were supposed to go tubing last weekend with the kids, and she insisted on taking her car, because "Safety" but I wasn’t budging and said she ever got in the car or stayed home. She was cold with me the entire time we were there and at home because I didn’t follow her bs "Rules."
AITA?
I know this post sounds cold, but typing this made me frustrated.
EDIT: Obviously SUV’s are safer than sedans. But if an 18 wheeler crashes into *any* of our cars, driving an SUV or driving a sedan isn’t going to change anything,.
Man, your wife has PTSD. Have some compassion. You both should speak with a therapist about how to deal with it. YTA
YTA. ” I don’t know why her fears are becoming *my* problem.” You’re married. Bare minimum is being caring and compassionate towards your significant other, if you cant comprehend that then you don’t deserve to be married.
Agreed. I can’t imagine being so cold to my partner after a traumatic event. She’s only asking for a small inconvenience from him, and he can’t just make that small adjustment for her. Hopefully she’s in therapy to get through this, but, regardless, he’s not helping. It seems like he’s disregarding her very real trauma just to prove some kind of point that he doesn’t have to do so. YTA.
100% agree. She needs to seek individual counseling/treatment for ptsd and anxiety surrounding driving and this car crash, but OP’s attitude is disgusting. I can not imagine my partner being so cold about my traumatic experience and the resulting anxiety.
I mean ffs my husband was way more accommodating and understanding to my anxiety surrounding my toddler eating mangoes. OP’s wife is probably looking at the backseat thinking about the “what if’s” every day.
They need couples counseling just to hopefully get OP to get his head out of his ass.
Being in a car accident, especially one that was severe enough it totaled your car, will absolutely cause PTSD. It’s a very common cause of death. And it’s a real scary way to realize you could have just died. It’s sudden, frightening, and completely out of your control. It is traumatic. Don’t downplay her feelings. It is scary. And if she wants you to drive her car with her kids so she feels that they are safer then why not do it to give her a peace of mind? It hurts no one to drive the car, and at best it helps calm her nerves.
YTA, for sure as this was recent, she clearly has PTSD, and your attitude of “she should be over it by now” completely sucks.
However, for the sake of argument, what do the actual crash test ratings say?
First of all, whiplash is exTREMEly painful. Second, my dad was always a tailgate driver, finally hit someone and I went out of the front windshield and under the front car. I was 4 yrs old and even now, and I’m 66 years old, if the person driving gets even a little close to the front car, I get freaked out. Sympathy, empathy please.
This isn’t about her rules.
Your wife has trauma from her accident. She needs some therapy to help her stop panicking.
This is a UK page, but it’s a guide on [how traffic accidents can cause PTSD, and how to recover from it](https://www.ptsduk.org/what-is-ptsd/causes-of-ptsd/road-traffic-incident/).
If you want to be NTA, don’t dismiss her “bullshit rules” – help her to recover.
YTA just for this “And I don’t know why her fears are becoming *my* problem”.
Also “that shit will never happen”
You say that “doesn’t happen” but it did, to her. This is now part of her reality. Give her some time
Do you even like your wife?! She has PTSD from getting in a traumatic car accident where she felt she could have died and cars scare her as a result of that. You don’t seem to have any empathy for that experience at all, YTA!
Admits he can’t control other people on the road ..still says that will never happen. I’d say take the bigger car till she feels better.. why do you gotta be the asshole about it.
I used to like using those plug-in air fresheners because I like when the house smells nice. But my husband is super afraid of house fires and worries that they’re a fire risk, so I don’t use them anymore… because we’re married and his fears are my problem. YTA