My husband’s sister is getting married. It’s a destination wedding in another country. She gave us a heads up roughly 9 months out. While I appreciate the invite, I make significantly less than the bride, groom, my husband, and all of his siblings and their partners. The family is naturally excited and is trying to plan extra days/a week in the country around the wedding as it lines up with time off in their jobs. My job does not have breaks nor does it give me any PTO. I feel a lot of guilt and pressure to go, but also some resentment at the thought of spending what will be thousands of dollars to attend a wedding (and vacation afterward) that I did not budget for this year and really don’t have the means to afford. Should I suck it up and go knowing that this will set back financial goals that are important to me and make things really tight, or is there a non-tacky way to decline?
Editing to add: yes our finances are separate but we both know how much the other one makes, and how much our bills/expenses are each month
is there a reason your husband who makes a lot more money can’t / won’t cover costs to attend his sister’s destination wedding and presumably a vacation with you, his wife, whose company he enjoys?
If you cant afford to go dont go. Dont put yoursekf into debt. She should understand the obligation shes making. Offer to take them out for dinner or have a party in your house when theyre back to celebrate. People shouldn’t expect you to go into debt gor them
It’s none of my business but way it’s your husband helping you with the cost of going to his sister’s wedding?
You are married, yet your husband isn’t kicking in on this? You have to budget for a trip for his family? If he makes more than you, he should pay for the airfare and hotel. You can pay for some meals and excursions. NAH unless your husband expects you to go into debt to attend his sister’s wedding.
This. Why isn’t hubby paying for his wife as it’s his family.
Why do you and your husband have separate finances? I’m not understanding how he can afford to go but you can’t? Or are you saying yall can only afford for him to go because naturally hes her brother and should be there?
NTA I’m just not understanding the financial situation here. If you cant afford to go you cant afford to go. If the bride/groom or in-laws have a problem with that then they can offer to pay your way.
I had a destination wedding. I think I would’ve been disappointed if my SIL didn’t attend due to finances, but even more upset with my brother for not ensuring she could attend (assuming he was attending without her). I don’t think YTA for not going, if you can’t afford it. You don’t provide enough details to assess if it’s feasible with effort though.
Why can’t husband help with ticket costs?
You can fly in together but you leave after the weekend (or whatever) and he can stay for the extended family time – that way you show up but won’t lose out on days of wages
Is there a reason why your husband wouldn’t pay for you to attend? I dragged my boyfriend to my cousin’s wedding so I paid for his tux rental, drove us there, paid for our hotel, paid for the wedding gift, etc.
That’s what happens when your someone else’s date.
I don’t think you have a destination wedding problem, I think you have a marriage communication problem. I get it if you and hubby have separate finances, but it sounds like you are not even including him in a conversation on whether you can take time off and afford to go to his sisters wedding. Does he know you are struggling with this? Maybe he would be happy to fund the trip and your only remaining issue would be whether you want to/could take the time off work. Just a suggestion from and old married gal….
It’s your husband’s sister. Why isn’t he covering all of your costs to go to her wedding. This makes zero sense and if he thinks this is something you should pay for out of your savings, you should really thinking about shifting how your family finances are handled.
I think you need an honest conversation with your husband. He should cover this, being his family, and in general for your general wellbeing as a marriage you should have some kind of shared finances. I can’t imagine a marriage in which both parts don’t enjoy the same economic quality of life. Makes 0 sense, that’s not a marriage.
I’m so confused by your separate finances. It is your husband’s sister’s wedding. And he is OK with you not going to her sister‘s wedding rather than paying for you? That does not seem like a solid marriage if there can’t be compromises and helping each other with finances. Is it really that strict that your finances are so separate?
NTA but actually insane that your husband wouldn’t pay for you