My (41m) spouse (42f) and I had plans to go hiking and have dinner with friends. We made our kids (16m and 12f) sandwiches for lunch and called my spouse’s mom and ask to bring the kids dinner because we would be gone into the evening. We also told the kids we would be out late. We have left our kids at home alone multiple times and we fully trust them. We just wanted to make sure they had something decent instead of warming something up, hence asking MIL to bring food. Not once did we ask her to stay nor did we expect her to. We have told her many times, you can stay and watch tv (due to her not having internet) if she wants, but she never has to stay.
My spouse and I have an amazing day with great friends and after dinner, they wanted to go back to their place to hang out more, next thing we know, it’s super late and we get a call from MIL asking where are we. We were just about to head home any way and said we would be home soon. Flash forward to arriving home and my MIL is sitting in the living room of my house fuming. No TV on or anything. I’d love to say she was sitting in the dark, but she wasn’t that dramatic. She starts getting angry at us commenting what time it is and how our 16 year old shouldn’t be up that late. \*Side note, we don’t let him stay up that late all the time, but trying to manage a 16 year old is hard enough as it is. 12 year old had already called it a night and was asleep.
Now I’m a little upset because I don’t like being accosted in my own home and being treated like a child sneaking in. I proceed to tell her she did not have to stay, she was only supposed to grab dinner. She then tells us how disrespectful it is for not telling her where we were and why we were coming home so late. Now, if she had said this in a caring tone, or even worried, this would not be a problem. This came off in a very angry tone. Even when leaving she slammed the front door. Now today she is saying it wasn’t about when we came home but rather she was worried and we did not tell her when we were coming home or where we were. She said “you said you were going hiking and to dinner!” That statement is truth, we just went with the flow and added more onto the evening.
So are we the assholes for not calling her and telling her we would be late even though we had no idea she would be staying past getting them dinner?
NTA 16 and 12 are more than old enough to be left home alone if you believe them to be responsible enough. By 16 I was regularly babysitting other people’s much younger kids overnight by myself. There’s no reason she should’ve been so worried about the kids home alone at that age. MIL is overreacting big time. I just 2 short years fhat 16 year old could be living on their own in an apartment. No reason they can’t be left with their younger sibling while you and the wife have a date night.
NTA, but why cant your 16 cook dinner? When I was 16 I was already making dinner for the whole family a couple times a week.
NTA
I do find having the MIL bring over food odd. If they’re old enough to be left alone they’re old enough to feed themselves. Or order them food next time. I’d also feel weird dropping off food and then just leaving them. Though I fully support them being left alone.
Just don’t involve MIL next time. She overstepped but you kind of asked for it involving her
Not wrong, won’t make that mistake again. Just thought she would like to see them. Usually order pizza, but my son works at a pizza place now. They can cook if they want, was trying to save them the trouble. MIL lives less than 10 mins away. Figured she would bring them food, hang out for a little and then get back to her dogs.
Why didn’t you text your kid when “be home after dinner” became “going out after dinner”?
I mean, updating your ETA is basic good roommate behavior. You messed up.
I never told my roommates when I would be home. JFC.
Um, children are not roommates. This is a reasonable question.
NTA. There’s a few things here. 1 you asked if she could feed the children, not babysit. 2 she is perfectly capable of calling or texting you if she’s so worried about where you were. 3 her assumptions about how long you should be out for a hike and dinner are a her problem, not a you problem. 4 she wants to shame you, specifically for control. Shame uou for being out so late, shame you for making her worry and im sure she will insinuate your children were worried too. Thats all bs, cuz she never once contacted either of you.
My advice, both of you need to sit her down and be very clear woth her that her behavior is absolutely unacceptable. Going forward, please dont ask her to bring dinner again.
*Edit. Thank you for the award.
Oh yeah, won’t ask her again. Lesson learned.
NTA, but don’t ask her to bring dinner over if a similar situation arises in the future. If your kids are old enough to fend for themselves, let them, without MIL’s help/interference.
Also, you should ask your kids about that night. How MIL acted, what she said, whether they felt comfortable, etc.
No, they sent my son spiraling. He kept saying it’s ok to leave. He doesn’t like when MIL and us “fight.” Next time I’ll get them Uber Eats.
Teach the 16 year old to cook a few basic meals. My older kids (13, 16, 19, 21) all can cook independently because we started teaching them at around age 8-10.
NTA
But 12 and 16 is plenty old enough to make their own dinner, thus avoiding this problem in the first place.
You didn’t let your kids know? That’s where I think the problem is. If your kids thought you were on a hike/dinner outing, they probably thought you’d be home no later than 10. In this day of “everybody has a cell phone,” why didn’t you let them know? They could have informed Granny and set her at ease. YTA.