Throwaway account.
I (18F) am living at home with my family while attending college. For some context, I’m the oldest of four kids (my siblings are 15M, 12M, and 10M), so I’m the only "adult" child in the house.
My parents (45F and 48M) have always been incredibly strict with me, with ultimately lead to our relationship being pretty rocky. This has gotten a lot worse now that I’m older. They said they would kick me out of the house if I didn’t go to college, so I enrolled in university right out of graduating high school, and it led me into a depressive spiral. A few months ago, when my first semester ended, my grades came back horrible and my depression got worse. So, this semester, I managed to convince my parents to switch me to online school while I try and better my mental health. I’m now in therapy now and taking medication, so my depression has definitely improved.
As part of my mental recovery, my therapist encouraged me to start making meals for myself. Before this, I was awful at eating, and would usually snack throughout the day and eat whatever my parents made for dinner that night. But now, I’ve started getting into meal prepping, usually making myself at 1-2 meals a day.
Naturally, when I make food, I end up dirtying a few dishes that I leave in the sink. I’ve been pretty good at cleaning the dishes I use, and I never leave dishes in the sink for more than a day.
As a kid I hated washing dishes (undiagnosed autism and sensory problems), but I’ve bought myself a pair of gloves to use so that it doesn’t trigger my sensory issues. I’m now perfectly fine with doing the dishes, but I think my parents still see me as the kid who’d cry if they were forced to wipe soggy food off of wet plates left in the sink.
My mom will constantly hound me about leaving dirty dishes in the sink. She says she doesn’t like her kitchen dirty and expects me to uphold the same level of cleanliness. I clean my dishes regularly, so I brushed her complaints off and ignored them, until now.
A few days ago, I made myself pasta, and put the sauce pot I used in the sink to soak. I was busy with school and forgot about it, which led to me leaving it in the sink for over a day. This set my mom off completely, and she told me that, if I ever leave dishes in the sink for more than a few hours, I would have to pay my parents a "cleaning fee" of $50.
I find this to be absolute bullshit. I know it’s their kitchen, but I don’t think I’m making that much of a mess. We got into a huge argument the other night about this topic, with them snapping at me that I’m an adult and I should start acting like one. I argued back that an adult doesn’t have to pay someone every time they leave dishes in the sink. In anger, I told them I wouldn’t be paying them anything, and they called me ungrateful and rude.
I can’t tell if I’m being overdramatic or if this rule is reasonable. AITA for refusing to pay my parents a "cleaning fee" for leaving dishes in the sink?
Edit: I should have clarified, I always clean up after I use the kitchen. The only time I leave dishes in the sink is when I’m leaving a pot or pan to soak before cleaning it out, which I’ll usually do about an hour or so later. Only on rare occasions have I left dishes in the sink for longer than that. I also should have clarified that this rule doesn’t apply to my siblings, only to me.
Edit 2: Thank you all for your feedback, I understand I’m the asshole. I’ll tell my parents that I accept the cleaning fee and I’ll stop leaving anything in the sink. I think it also might be best if I stop making meals as frequently for myself (maybe 1 every other day), so I don’t leave much of a mess. Thank you.
YTA for leaving dirty dishes in the sink. You should clean up after yourself before leaving the kitchen.
YTA. Clean up after yourself. You’re an adult and you live in their space. If your mom still has to clean up after you, that’s a problem, and I can’t blame her for charging you. She’s trying to get you to build better cleaning habits.
I get being neurospicy sucks and makes life more difficult, but you have to learn to manage basics like cleaning up after yourself, especially in a shared space.
YTA- you shouldn’t be leaving dirty dishes in the sink for even a day. Do them after you finish your meal, then it won’t be an issue. Charging a cleaning fee is silly, but I am assuming she is so tired of having the same conversation with you that she didn’t know what else to say at this point.
You don’t have to like your parents rules, you just have to follow them until you are able to move out. When in your own space you can leave dishes for as long as you want.
Just clean your fucking dishes and you never have to pay, simple as that. YTA
A good rule for being an adult is to leave things as, if not more, clean than you found them. If you go into a clean kitchen, with no dirty dishes lying around, you shouldn’t leave the kitchen until it’s in the same state that you found it in. At some point in your life you are likely to share a place with unrelated adults, and they aren’t going to cut you slack because you forgot to clean up your mess.
To you, it’s just a saucepan soaking in the sink. But your mother may have needed that saucepan to make the evening meal. She comes home after a long day at work, and has to clean up her previously clean kitchen so she can start to cook dinner.
It’s not fair for her to charge a cleaning fee, but it’s not fair for you to create more work for your mother, simply because you were ‘busy’ and forgot to clean up after yourself. Start making it a habit to clean up within 1 hour after eating.
YTA for leaving dishes in the sink. As soon as you’re done eating and have put the food away, wash the dishes. News flash: It’s not autism/sensory issues that makes doing dishes gross and unpleasant. It’s gross and unpleasant for everyone. Your parents are over your slovenly self. Mom has asked and nagged, now she is resorting to a financial penalty. Grow up and clean up after yourself. Talk to your therapist about why you can’t do simple adult tasks when you should.
That’s what i said. What is it everyone claiming undiagnosed autism and whatever other bs they don’t have. Sucks for those that do actually have these conditions
YTA. Leaving dishes overnight breeds bacteria and odors. All dishes should be taken care of by the end of the day. This is also a case of their house, their rules. They’re only charging you so you take it seriously. They’d much rather have a clean kitchen than $50. If you want to leave dishes around, you need to get your own place, but that’s going to cost a lot more than the occasional $50.
YTA. I really think you’re underestimating how inconsiderate you’re being. Clean up after yourself. From your own recounting of events, your behavior does sound rude. I really hope you’re open to feedback and self reflection.
YTA, but this is an easy one to fix. There are 6 people in the house you live in for free, and you need to take up the kitchen sink for a full day, everyday? The way you’re operating is forcing others to clean up after you before they can use a communal space that they share with you. Your parents have tried to talk this out with you and you’re refusing to adapt; having had nasty housemates in the past I can understand how they’d escalate because you’re not responding. Plate your food, rinse/soak your pots and pans before you sit to eat (before the sauce has dried onto the pot and it’s much harder to rinse off), then wash, dry, and put away when you finish the meal. Sure it’s an extra step (while your food is probably too hot to eat anyway), but you’re an adult now. It’s not fair to continue expecting the people who pay for your housing to clean after you too.
You’re living in a house with 6 people, there is no leaving dishes for a day in the sink. That shit gets full fast, clean up after yourself. Your mom is “charging” you in order to motivate you, because clearly asking doesn’t work. If you don’t like it, move out.
YTA.
I’m sure your parents have been after you for quite a long time to clean up after yourself and since you haven’t figured it out by 18, they’re sick of it.
An adult cleans up their messes. A 12 year old can clean up after themself. Suck it up and clean your mess or pay the fee.
YTA. Don’t leave dishes in the sink. Wash them as soon as you use them.
Yta. It sounds like a lot of your issues with your parents are just from them trying to push you into normal adult things and you don’t want to do it. When you described them as being really strict I wasn’t expecting “wash your dishes” and “don’t sit around the house doing nothing” to be your big examples.
This is just a growing pains thing, you’re becoming an adult and these are just normal things expected of adults. Whether you lived with your parents or not, you’d still have to do these things. Just be grateful that at least right now you’re doing it without rent. Without your parents your situation would be a lot worse and you’d still have to do these things.
Edit for OPs edit: if you’re not leaving anything in the sink for more then an hour like you claim then the cleaning rule doesn’t effect you so you shouldn’t be worried. I don’t think 10, 12 and 15 year olds should be treated the same as an adult. This feels like a what aboutism so you don’t have to take responsibility. It also highlights how you still see yourself in the “kid” category even though you’re leaving that.