Hi I’m a \[24 F\] and I have epilepsy , I still live with my parents even though I wish I didn’t . I don’t have my own license or a car because I’m terrified of driving and have a bad habit of thinking worst case scenario as well as usual most girls had a bad experience with learning how to drive with their mom’s as it was the same for me but this is not the case. Basically, what happened tonight is I was going over notes and writing more for class, I’m in a total of 5 classes this semester making me a full time student. Ever since the beginning of this semester I have had no time for myself. I work two days a week as I had to cut down on hours at work to be able to attend these classes and I also have classes 2 days a week, One on Monday and one on Thursday . As well as the rest of the days, I have homework and I’m working on homework everyday all day (Literally). While writing down notes as it was also a key to help me study for an exam, my mother comes in to tell me a “life hack” she heard about from some guy she’s been watching on Facebook for quite a while and it’s been getting annoying as that’s what she mainly talks about. Furthermore, she tried to show me what she heard from this “hack” and proceed to attempt to explain step by step what she wanted me to do. Meanwhile, I’m laying on my bed tired and worn out and just simply tell her I don’t want to, she gets all pissed off and shouts “fine go ahead and be stupid” then walks out of my room and heads back to the living room and tells me to find another way to get to my class tomorrow as she refuses to take me since I didn’t want to do whatever she was trying to get me to do. Later on after I get done with my notes, I hop on a transportation app and make a reserved ride to get to class tomorrow, I then decided to head to the living room where my mom was at on her phone and my youngest niece was watching tv and flat out said I’m going to let her do the honors of confirming the ride as I had it all set up as I just needed to confirm it but was waiting on her to confirm it to see if she would really stoop this low. After still not budging and giving me the could shoulder she tells me not to talk to her.This is where I couldn’t even hold back any longer where I finally snapped back “well too fucking bad, you came in while I was busy so I’m doing the same thing while you’re too busy on your phone” . Then she continued to give me the cold shoulder and ignore me. Once I was walking down the hallway I confirmed the ride and made a comment loud enough for her to hear “great mother , warn your kids about stranger danger but don’t give a fuck when your own kid has to rely on a stranger for a ride” then disappeared into my room.
ESH you both need to grow up
Yeah idk the way u dealt with that kinda making u seem like the asshole.
Like ok sure its annoying when ur tired and ur moms trying to show u something i get it but instead of telling her “i dont want to” u can say ur too tired to and maybe she should come back later when ur feeling a little better (or maybe even the next day). Tbf shes also an asshole for saying “go ahead and be stupid” but atp just learn to ignore it. My mom was the same and they have their own issues sometimes u just have to accept theyre flawed.
As for u being the asshole, u rly didnt have to go to the living room just to get her to “confirm” the ride for u. U dont have to prove anything to her, ur just putting more fuel to the fire. If u had just left on ur own with a ride the next day, ud seem more in the right and more the victim. Ur mom would feel bad and ud maintain being the bigger person
I wanted to make sure she still wanted me to go through with the ride as that’s why I went to the living room to talk to her because it would’ve been awkward for the ride to show up tomorrow morning if she had changed her mind . Needless to say, realized she was still standing her ground so that’s when I confirmed the ride and left her alone.
INFO: Are these ‘life hacks’ remotely relevant? Interrupting someone’s studies because you have to tell them about this great way to clean baking sheets (for example) is mildly AH. Interrupting you with some sort of woo-woo hack to ‘treat’ your epilepsy would be major AH (and more than likely dangerous, if you followed it.) The snap-back might have been a little over the line, depending on the provocation.
I’ve had friends with epilepsy, and while it does make independent living difficult (even petit mal seizures are problematic, and you need to be seizure-free for a certain amount of time to even get a license where I’m at), it is by no means impossible.
EDIT: NTA – you are currently dependent on other people for rides, and your mother’s behavior is impacting your studies/education. Grey-rock the life hacks as long as they aren’t the dangerous ones – minimal interaction and general deflection. ‘Mm-hm’ ‘Maybe later.’ ‘That’s nice.’)
(As an 80’s kid, however, the whole ‘stranger danger’ was grossly oversold. even to the target audiences of parents and pre-teens.)
I try not to stress much as my seizures are mainly caused by stress (which are mainly from my mom stressing me out) and these videos she believes and takes personally , I try to tell her she can’t believe everything she reads on the internet and once I told her that she got all offended and gave me a warning look before going quiet and walked out. She knows I’m constantly swamped with homework and I try my best to get it all done so I can at least have 1 free day to myself but regardless of what I do , she builds on tasks for me to do around the house while she does nothing as I’m basically doing housework she could be helping with (laundry , putting away dishes , getting the mail, bringing the trash can in, feeding the dog) all of which takes more time away from my studies and I’m doing the best I can to not stress myself out to the point I go into another seizure.
Sadly, it sounds like she’s the classic “old person who think people are somehow legally not allowed to lie on the internet.” It’s a weird world for those people, and they believe everything they see online. Your mother also sounds like a bit of a narcissist since she wants to force you to listen to her when you’re busy, but doesn’t give a damn about YOU when she’s busy.
100% NTA. I hope you’re able to finish school soon, and get the f\*\*\* out of there, because the most likely scenario here is that she’s just going to get worse as you continue to set personal boundaries and become more independent.
ESH. You’re both wildly immature. Wow.
Its fucked up to just refuse to drive someone that cant drive legally over something so petty. I cant drive either I have autism and apparently its pretty common for us autists to not be able to drive something about it just dosent click right with our brains and I hate being dependent on people for rides and specifically try to only work places close by my home to where I can walk or Uber if I had to. You definitely overreacted tho just order the ride yourself and let it go. Your mom would have been more mad if you just did that and proved you didnt need her and she doesn’t have that power over you like she was expecting.
NTA, also your mother crossed the line, she is your parent, and she knows how much is on your plate. Nothing wrong with saying “I dont want to” but her response after that was uncalled for, you didn’t deserve that one. She clearly starts confrontation and throws attitude, not very mature.
NTA, you didn’t do anything wrong.