I’m a senior in high school and something happened in class recently that’s been stuck in my head. A classmate told me I have white privilege and that their accomplishments are somehow more impressive than mine. Honestly, it frustrated me because I know they’ve worked hard, but my life hasn’t been easy either.
I grew up in poverty. I’m white, raised by my mom and my stepdad who is from Honduras. My parents never went to college and my stepdad did not finish high school. I have had to work for basically everything. I saved money for college, juggled responsibilities at home, and kept up with school while dealing with challenges they did not face.
We come from a town where most of the population is Hispanic. Even so, trying to navigate school, life, and preparing for college was really hard. Sometimes it feels like people just don’t see that.
We are both at the top of our class and have associate degrees. My classmate had more family support growing up so some of the obstacles I faced were not part of their experience.
We were talking about college. They got into a really prestigious school with a full-ride scholarship which is amazing. I am genuinely happy for them. I got into a well-known in-state school for biology and pre-med and I got a full ride through financial aid. But they kept putting down my school as less impressive and it made me feel like all my work did not matter.
In class, they told me my accomplishments were easier because I am white. I told them I do not think I have benefited from white privilege and I feel like I have had to overcome a lot too. I am not trying to compete with them or take away from what they have done. I just want people to understand that hardships come in many forms and mine have been very real.
I feel guilty for how I said it. I do not want to come off as arrogant or dismissive. Some classmates overheard and seemed to side with me, but my classmate feels I invalidated their struggles. I am left wondering if I handled it the right way.
So Reddit, AITA for saying that I have faced serious challenges too even though I am white?
ESH.
Your classmate sucks for needlessly bringing race into this topic and assuming you never struggled a day in your life.
You suck to yourself for entertaining such nonsense.
As black man, I always found it odd some people of different races and cultures try to compete on who has the worse struggle. I would think that people would come together and support each other through their struggles but that’s wishful thinking
I agree with you, I should’ve reacted differently and just not entertained his behavior
Soft YTA.
Saying “I dont think the difficulty of our lives was different” is NOT the same as saying you haven’t benefitted from white privilege. Saying that you haven’t benefitted from white privilege when it was brought up when you say you are white makes YTA.
If youre white, its often very dismissive to respond to the idea that your whiteness might have given you benefits by denying it. Its probably true, in some ways. But youre also right that it might not have had the power to make your life super easy on the whole. Instead, Saying “yeah, Im white, but that doesnt mean Ive had an easy life” may have put the focus on the actual issue: that the achievements are of a similar value regardless because you both faced barriers you needed to overcome.
NTA
There’s no right or wrong way to handle arguments like this. You each had your own struggles. Them trying to invalidate your route because of your race is a bad move. But a common blunder of “white privilege” is that we don’t know when it does and doesn’t apply right? Like Im a blonde haired blue eyed white decently attractive man, I go sit at a bar in the south where I live? I can try to talk about sports with older guys next to me and they have no problem being plain racist, slurs and all. We can have a minority as an active participant in the conversation, they go to the bathroom? “Don’t tell that boy this but if you need a job, here’s my card, I don’t trust his kind”.
That’s white privilege. Them being potentially harassed by LEOs is different. I’m not scared of ICE grabbing me, they’d look me up and down and smile at me and wave me away. You’re white passing enough where race things aren’t an issue, and that’s what I, when I was in HS, didn’t understand. You had a tough life growing up, and it’s no one’s place to tell you other wise. It’s no one’s place to say your route was easier because you were white either. But it’s important to understand it’s the unseen things you don’t see as a white person that do make life just a bit easier to move through any environment.
ESH. Misery is not an Olympic sport. No one wins when competing for who has it worse. Everyone faces different challenges. Even two people who face the same issues can have very different experiences based on mental health, socioeconomic upbringing, how much social support they have, ect.
ESH. This cheesy video is what I always think of when I think of privilege. The color of your skin matters. Your economic background matters. Your family structure matters
You should be building each other up and not just competing
Check out this video, “privilege race video”
https://share.google/nrPppWctrACzPtesP
Is this quantifiable? Is it a competition?
White privileged doesn’t mean you don’t struggle or have to overcome anything. It means that your struggles are not due to you being white.
ESH for the oppression olympics though
Everyone’s the AH.
First, You do have white privilege whether you feel it or not, and to deny that is dismissive. It’s not something you can change and is inherent. You’ll learn more about this during your premed studies, but that’s not to say you “didn’t work hard” or aren’t “as deserving,” because you are and have. I am deeply sorry your life has been filled with such friction. But your perseverance and resiliency is what is going to make you an excellent premed.
The other person is being an AH (fur sure!) but you didn’t need to stoop to their level and be defensive. It does not matter at all what they think. You let their arrogance and ignorance make you act in the same manner. Hopefully, with reflection and time, you will see this and this situation will be a growing opportunity (hopefully, for the both of you bc it sounds like both sides are making some incredibly biased judgements about ses and cultures).
So if they are an AH, so are you.
ESH: Congrats on getting into college that’s awesome and I understand how difficult it can be, especially when family life can be a struggle. With that said your classmates sounds dumb.
But keep in mind that in the world we live in it’s almost impossible to say “my white-privilege is non-existent” because that’s untrue. While you struggled and worked hard socially, politically and statistically being white gives you an advantage. Even if you don’t necessarily feel it. Because how do you knowwww your white privilege didn’t positively affect your life in any way. You can’t!
Be proud of yourself and your accomplishments. Don’t let people talk you down butttt also don’t forget to recognize the privileges you do have. There is ALWAYSSSS going to be some level of privilege recognize, respect and be grateful for it.
For you are alive and to many that alone is a privilege
I think the point they were trying to say is that if a white person and a POC grew up in exactly the same circumstances that the POC would have it harder because the world is built for white people.
White privilege exists even for people in severe poverty.
I’ve had to explain this to my dad a bunch. He grew up EXTREMELY poor with an abusive drug addict for a father. He’s a doctor now. He really did make it through some serious hardship, but the truth of the matter is that if a black man grew up exactly the same way and became a doctor too, it was likely significantly “harder” because he had even more odds stacked against him. This just gets even more difficult-with the worst odds as a woman of color.
NTA. And now you understand intersectionality and why the class struggle matters. Please understand that poor kids of color have the burdens you face PLUS the burdens of racism.
People don’t seem to understand what white privilege actually means. It does not mean that you necessarily have it easier than another person because of your race. However, it DOES mean there are certain struggles you will never ever face and thus cannot ever understand. For example, if you’re straight, you will never ever go to a bakery and be told that you can’t get a cake for your wedding because the baker doesn’t agree with it. That would be an example of straight privilege. When you’re straight, other people do not feel entitled to an opinion on whether you should legally be able to get married.
Race has its own version of that. Just one example: it has actually been proven that people of colour are significantly less likely to be hired for a job. It will ALWAYS be easier for you to get a job than a person of colour, regardless which of you is actually more qualified (and this is the exact thing DEI was supposed to fix). This is the whole reason anglicised names are a thing. It’s not because they think you won’t be able to pronounce it – it’s because companies will hire the person with an English sounding name over the person with a foreign sounding name every single time, even if the former is less qualified for the position. If you’re in the US there is also now a very real threat to people of colour, that I can’t really go into on this sub. But look it up. That is also something that is unlikely to impact you directly.
ESH. You’re both playing the oppression olympics. It is TRUE that he has struggles you can never understand. It is also true that you had your own challenges. Both of you need to cut it out.
Hey, sorry things were so hard for you. I don’t think anyone should put down your school or anything else (btw, state colleges tend to be great academically and socially). However, every White person has White privilege, even if they don’t realize it.
When you get to your great college, you’ll probably read novels by POC and take some social science classes. You’ll learn what it is like for minorities in the U.S. Studies show that compared to Whites, Black people:
*Experience racism almost daily, including children;
*Get less medication from Drs bec Drs don’t believe Black peoples’ complaints;
*Get more job rejections;
*Get arrested more, found guilty more, and get longer sentences for same crimes;
*Get rejected by banks more and pay higher rates on same types of mortgages.
That’s just off the top of my head. There’s much more.