I (26M) have a close friend (27F) who I’ve known for about 4 years. We’ve always gotten along well, even though we have very different personalities. I’m more logical and evidence-based, and she’s very spiritual.
The thing is, the supernatural focus is kind of new. She didn’t used to talk about spirits, curses, or energy attachments at all. This started pretty suddenly a few months ago after she went through a rough patch in her life. Since then, she’s been saying that negative things happening to her losing jobs, relationship problems, random illnesses are caused by a spirit attached to her or someone putting something on her spiritually.
At first I just listened and didn’t really comment. But recently it’s become more intense. A few weeks ago, she called me late at night panicking because she felt a “presence” in her apartment. I went over to calm her down and stayed with her until she fell asleep. The next day she told me she appreciated me being there, but she wished I had “acknowledged the spirit” instead of saying it was probably stress or anxiety.
That’s where the conflict started. I told her gently that I respect her right to believe what she wants, but I personally don’t believe in spirits or supernatural causes for things. I said I’m always willing to support her emotionally, but I can’t pretend to believe something I don’t.
She later texted me saying that by refusing to validate her beliefs, I was being dismissive and unsupportive. She said a real friend would stand in agreement instead of questioning it.
I told her I think there’s a difference between supporting someone and reinforcing something I genuinely don’t believe in. I even suggested that stress or anxiety might be playing a role and offered to help her look into therapy if she wanted I meant that sincerely. She took that as me implying she’s crazy.
Now things are awkward. A mutual friend said I could’ve just nodded along to keep the peace instead of creating conflict. But I feel like pretending would be dishonest, especially since this all started so suddenly and feels very different from how she used to be.
AITA for refusing to validate my friend’s supernatural beliefs, even if it makes her feel unsupported?
NTA. its not that you should’ve nodded along but doubling down on the same commentary she said bothered her was not the way. You could’ve just left it at support doesn’t mean I have to agree and let her do with that as she wishes.
NTA. This seems like an unhealthy coping mechanism on their part. Nodding along to keep the peace is just feeding into the delusion.
It’s never easy to say to someone “you should seek professional help” (even typing this out, the phrase feels hostile), but sometimes it’s necessary and there isn’t a way around it.
Real friends look out for each other’s well being. And that is what you’re doing here.
So…she wants you to lie as a comfort? NTA. Friends support and don’t judge, but that doesn’t mean blindly agreeing with everything the other person says or believes. You were being a great friend imo by saying “I don’t believe this, but I believe YOU believe this and am there to comfort you through it.” You sound like a terrific friend, OP.
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When it comes to supernatural beliefs, no one should be expected to “validate” anyone else’s beliefs.
I say this as a practicing Christian in the Baptist tradition.
You did nothing wrong.
NTA.
ps> Tell your friend (and anyone else who criticizes you) that it would be TRULY disrespectful of her beliefs to pretend that you believe as she does.
Nta. I know a few people who are very spiritual, but they have never had such a strong reaction like that..if she is only seeing these spiritual things as negative ones, and not a mix of both, then theres likely a issue she has that she has labeled poorly. And as for “you should’ve acknowledged the spirit”…i..dont think a violent spirit being talked to would be inclined to shrug and walk away.
NTA but I say this as someone who comes from generational cultural practice on both sides- you are witnessing a slide into spiritual psychosis. Do you know her family well?
NTA It sounds like you’re a good, supportive friend and you handled it well. It’s hard to tell if she’s developing a mental illness or if she’s just becoming more spiritual, but she’s clearly having a hard time in general and therapy can help her deal with the things in her life that she can control. You’ve been a good friend and that’s all you can do. If she decides to take a break from the friendship while she sorts things out, that’s not on you.
Your friend is acting like a classic scam target. This is exactly the kind of person psychics, con men, MLM swindlers, and cult leaders look for.
NTA but it’s difficult to stand by and watch someone become like this, and hard to convince them otherwise.
NTA. This sudden “belief” could be the onset of mental illness, given her age.
I believe in more supernatural stuff, but it’s not anyone else’s job to validate that for me. If anything, nobody has ever validated me, but that doesn’t change my beliefs.
Truthfully she needs validation because she has doubts.
Dont change for anyone. Be yourself.
NTA!!
NTA People often feel that other people have to agree with their beliefs, because they believe they are correct and so other people disagreeing is disrespectful. Which is a fundamental problem that’s hard to find an answer to, but ultimately the only way we can have any type of free and fair society is if people are willing to limit their beliefs to only putting requirements on themselves. So she can believe that she has to do xyz about the spirit problem, but she cannot require you to do something you aren’t willing to do, including simply believing in the spirit or pretending to believe in the spirit.
NTA.
Sometimes it’s not about the stars aligning or spiritual strength. Sometimes it’s just irresponsibility and the consequences unfolding. And if someone asks you to be the biggest person during an argument, maybe you should reevaluate how often you associate with “small people”.
NTA. It could also be the atmospheric pressure in the house. My house in on a hillside that gets a strong cross wind sometimes and if the air pressure in the house is higher, it makes me feel like someone is standing over me. However, I just pop my ears and the feeling goes away. She just wants to believe what she wants to believe. You don’t have to play into her self delusions.