my sister (19f) and me (21f) live in the same 2bedroom apartment for more than a year now. last year September my sister and her boyfriend (19m) got together and at first he came over for movies or dinners, sometimes she goes to his apartment and stays there. I didn’t mind if she decides to stay at his place and him stay at our place sometimes.
but it starts to be annoying when he stayed at our apartment everyday. he did not once go back to his apartment for a whole month even. and on top of that he likes to slam doors and pees while the door is open, never throws the trash out or wash his own dishes. he has no manners and walks around our apartment half naked a lot. I told my sister so many times, he is not allowed to stay for too long because in the end of the day, this is mine and her apartment, not his mine and her apartment. I pay the rent, the bills, clean the house.
so one day I’ve had enough and I told my sister that if he stays at our place one more time I’m going to let my parents know. we’re international students and when parents are not around she can do what she wants. she got upset but he’s still here. i don’t know what else to do, I can’t just yell at her boyfriend to go back to his apartment, but he overstayed. he has his clothes here, even sometimes his PS5, literally everything he owns is here.
today I yelled at her again that he is not allowed to come back, ever. no staying over unless she goes to his place.
should I be more of an asshole or am I already an asshole for kicking him out? was I too strict? she is an adult so she should know what’s best for herself and me, just like how I am respecting her space and not letting my partner come stay over.
edit: to add to all the bad things, I have a cat, and he constantly scares the living hell out of the poor guy. he stomps and runs after my cat, making loud noises suddenly to make him jump. that’s also one of the things I didn’t get to realise after thinking about this post for a while, and it makes me feel like I’ve failed as a pet owner to keep my cat happy and feel safe in my home. I also set some boundaries after I read all the replies on this post, and I decided to still allow him to be here only twice a week, and then I’ll lessen it to not at all.
NTA I’ve had the same issue with my sisters boyfriend but to wayyy less of an extent. She wants him to stay more I put my foot down bc I’m the one paying rent not him.
Honestly he sounds like a huge pain an definitely don’t feel bad for kicking his ass out 😁
Since you are international students and it sounds like your parents are they helping, I am guessing they are on the lease? Having a person not on the lease stay is usually going against the lease.
Sounds like either you or your sister need to move out. Can’t let her interfere with your education. You obviously are both in different timelines and have different needs.
NTA
I would be pissed too.
okay I know this is bad but let me reiterate. I graduated and I’m looking for a job, she’s still in uni. my parents pay most of the rent and bills but if anything goes over, it falls on me to pay. but I have to deal with the whole paying part, processing transactions, deal with broken things in the house, contacting landlord for anything etc.
I didn’t think about him staying for periods of time mean him not being on the lease. this is illegal then right?
Most apartments have restrictions on how many nights people who are not on the lease can stay over. Read your lease and if that’s the case use it to limit the guy coming over. The landlord can raise your fees or even evict you if they find out. And you should just tell mom and dad since it appears they have sway. Let them handle it first.
NTA clearly not respecting the place. I’d say I’ll be getting my own place then see how quick she backtracks.
Tell him to leave. Remind him he is NOT a paying tenant. If you there with him alone tell him to get out. Whenever you get home and he’s there tell him to get out don’t give him a single minutes peace. Be constant and repetitive. If he’s in your sister’s room go in and tell him to get out! If he’s in the kitchen tell him to get out. If all else fails tell her she has two weeks to find somewhere else to live as you are no longer putting up with her total lack of respect Then call the police and have him removed/tresspassed! Escalate. NTA And definitely tell your parents that going forward you’re not prepared to live with her.
NTA. This is not about you being the morality police. This is about her being a horrible, inexcusably rude roomate.
Any other roomate would be the AH for allowing their partner to not only kind of move in but also treating the space with no respect.
If bf is staying every night and all his stuff is there, he doesn’t have his own place, he has moved in with you.
NTA. Your sister is abusing your living arrangement. You should not have to tolerate living with his lack of consideration, his loud behaviors, and his failure to even clean up after himself.
If may be time for you to move out on your own and for them to live together.
Why can’t you tell her boyfriend to leave. Its your apartment too. You didn’t agree to live with him. He’s basically moved in and thats not fair to you.
NTA
Sis and dude are so very very wrong. Three people on a two person lease is grounds for the owner to kick you all out. And if your parents own the apartment – they should know that three people are essentially living there.
If sis feels so confident in her decision to move dude in – then why would she be nervous for parents to know?
NTA. he’s not paying rent and he’s using the space as if he is. the fact that he’s dating your sister doesn’t make it any less of your space.
have you previously communicated with him or your sister about what bothers you? if I were in his shoes, I’d want to know what I could do to be a better guest (but some people lack self awareness and respect for others). if this is communicated and he accommodates your requests (taking out the trash, not walking around half naked, etc.) then maybe this could be reconsidered
Next parent conversation: “Hi Mom. Oh, things are going great. Sister is fine. She’s got a boyfriend now and he’s over almost every day. They get a little loud having sex multiple times a day but I can deal with it. What? Oh, sure. Sister’s right here. Let me get her.” NTA. Do whatever you can to get rid fo that cat abuser.