I(20F) am in my final year of engineering. From when we are having financial troubles to when we are investing in any property. My mum is a homemaker. She is 3rd of 4 siblings. All others job holders. My mum has always been talented, outgoing and a high scorer but luck didn’t favor her as she didn’t get a job by 1 or 2 marks each time. So, there has always been a pressure on me to perform better than my cousins. Everything is compared between us from extracurriculars to our studies to lifestyle.
When I was 18, due to covid and also my own mistakes I couldn’t perform well and didn’t get into top universities like my cousins did eventhough the university I am in now is quite prestigious too, I got the seat by merit basis with a bit of scholarship. These 4 years I’ve overcompensated by working toohard to score good GPA and do my parents proud.
I’ve been trying to get placed on campus for past year but due to all the things going on around the world it has been tough. I recently got an offer from a company with a package that isn’t too low and could increase with performance.
But I didn’t accept the job as it hasn’t been an engineering role. But I was happy for actually getting a job, proving to my parents that I could do it. You can finally trust me now. I am not going to let you two down.
Then it all started, my mum started downplaying the job saying what is the use getting a job in that company, it would’ve been nice if you got job in some other company which is engineering field like your friends, everyone who gave the interview got the job, you aren’t special etc.
I tried to explain to her how it was hurting me but she started saying you don’t understand what we’ve been through, when you didn’t get into top university, now this job and that too all the jobs you are trying to get are all of low package we’ve invested so much in you we want to feel happy too and tell everyone our daughter achieved something finally. I was beyond hurt by this point as whatever I do I’d mostly driven by the wish to make my parents proud than for my happiness. I tried explaining to her how all these is hurting me, the grind I’ve to do applying to so many jobs, getting through many rounds and losing out in interviews and I finally got a job eventhough not a dream one. She doesn’t want to hear what I say except saying that I am not trying to understand their prespective.
I had a fight today too with her regarding me "proving myself", apparently my father Said something to her regarding my interview in few days and she wants to shut everyone up by me proving myself. How many times should I prove myself?? I’ve already got a job, eventhough I didn’t accept it, I’ve already proved myself to them. I told that to her and then she started saying that I’m not understanding what she’s trying to say. (Cont’d. in the comments)
(Cont’d) And then I calmed myself down and tried not to bring it up. Then my grandma called to speak something and my mum started complaining about me once again. Giving a commentary about how I always cry. Never do any work she asks me to do until many days and how she is always afraid to speak to me because I always cry. I was devastated by the end of it and started shouting at her how she hurts me and never tried to understand me and that I never do any work. AITA for never understanding her and then shouting at her? I should be grateful for all yhe work she does and help she offers but it always seems like her jokes are important to her than the hurt those jokes deliver to me
The good news is that you will soon be completely independent from your parents. One day they will wonder why you seldom come around to see them.
Be proud of what you have accomplished. If they can’t feel the same, then that is their problem.
Is it too late to accept the job you were already offered? Because girl you need to move out and start living your life for you, not your parents. The job can be temporary to get you some job experience while you continue looking for an engineering position. NTA
I’ve already rejected it. I don’t think I can take it back. I should, shouldn’t I? But sometimes when I look back to all I’ve done, all the hardwork, everything was to see them smile, excited and be proud of me.
You’re NTA. You can only take so much nagging, insulting, and degrading before you have to push back.
I recommend you look for a job far away from your mom. Some distance would do you a lot of good.
Maybe I should. I love them and respect everything they’ve been through for my sake but sometimes I lose it. And when I lose it she gets sad which in turn saddens me more.
NTA. But do get some therapy to help you get over the pressure of trying to please your mother who, because of her own life path and her own frustrated dreams, you will never be able to please. It’s your life to live; the most important person to please with that life is yourself, not your parents.
“Proving yourself” is an endless game. Even if you become perfect tomorrow, there’ll be a new comparison. At some point you have to stop playing that contes