My (25M) girlfriend (23F) doesn’t really feel much empathy towards animals. She isn’t harmful or cruel, just kind of emotionally distant. She can read social cues, but she often doesn’t feel strongly about them or react much.
Recently we visited a friend (let’s call him Max) after moving to the same city. He has a cat that seemed to really like my girlfriend. Other friends were there too, and everyone noticed that the cat kept going only to her, meowing and trying to get her attention.
People commented on how much the cat liked her, but she didn’t react. She just sat there looking uncomfortable while the cat kept circling her and meowing. It wasn’t disruptive in a bad way, but everyone noticed she wouldn’t interact at all, and she started looking annoyed when people kept mentioning it. Eventually she excused herself to the bathroom.
Max asked if she was allergic. I said no and explained she just isn’t big on animals. That kind of changed the atmosphere and seemed to bother him a bit.
We left not long after. On the way home, I asked her why she couldn’t just pet the cat or act normal, especially since it was obvious the cat wanted attention. At first I wasn’t angry, just confused. She said she didn’t think it was a big deal, she just didn’t want to.
She also doesn’t really like Max (neither do I that much, but we grew up together and I hadn’t seen him in a while) so I wondered if she was irritated with him and taking it out by refusing to interact with the cat, which made things awkward for everyone. She said that wasn’t it, she just genuinely didn’t feel any urge to pet the cat and didn’t think about it socially.
I was a bit tipsy and got more upset than I should have. I thought she was being dramatic on purpose, and I ended up arguing with her on the train, which got us some bad looks and made her very upset because now she thinks I pressured her to do something she didn’t want to do and she thinks i Invalidated how she experiences things.
I still believe that she should’ve just pet the cat because I believe she was well aware of what people were expecting and also considering the fact that she does usually abide to “social norms”, except here it seemed like she was being careless.
AITA?
YTA
She didn’t want to. That should be the end of it.
YTA. If you think folks should cave in to social pressure, you are weak and not worthy of her.
bro you argued with her on a train over a cat. she didn’t hurt anyone. you were tipsy and pushed her to perform comfort she doesn’t feel. that’s on you, not her.
**(YTA)**
the thing is.. she actually told you clearly why she didnt pet it. she wasnt being passive aggressive, she just.. didnt want to. and you decided tipsy-you knew better than her about her own experience. the apology needs to be real, not “sorry but you shouldve just..” bc that aint an apology, that’s a complaint with a bow on it
YTA. It’s weird how much you all care that she didn’t pet the cat. Not everyone is a pet person.
YTA, she shouldn’t be expected to ever do something she doesn’t want to do or feel comfortable with. She’s allowed to not like to pet cats and everyone should have respected her boundaries. All this pressure to apparently ‘be normal’ makes people afraid to be themselves and no one ever really knows what normal is, only a hive mind of doing things just because.
YTA. She didn’t want to pet the cat. It’s not that deep. You are TA because you cared more about what you perceived people were thinking than what she was comfortable with. It’s such a small thing I can’t believe you argued with her over it. She deserves better
Well you are the one being dramatic, not her. YTA.
Yeah YTA
Why do you care so much more about other people’s opinion and her “acting normal” than your girlfriend’s feelings here
Like who cares what Max thinks? You literally said you don’t even like him
Also an asshole move to start a fight on a train, you didn’t care about the “social norms” there?
YTA – the minute it was a case of pressuring her to do something she’s not comfortable with YTA. You don’t get to do this with anyone. People don’t have to accommodate your level of comfort in their comfort zone. She doesn’t have to explain herself. She doesn’t have to do anything she doesn’t want to. You don’t get to make her feel bad for it.
YTA.
So she needs to be someone else to be with you?
YTA, she has a preference and it should be respected. If she didn’t want to pet the cat she doesn’t have to.
YTA. Women are told so often to do things we are uncomfortable with for the sake of other people’s comfort or enjoyment. Anyone there could have pet the cat and it’s super weird to be upset with someone because they didn’t want to pet an animal. Especially since 1. You don’t even like this dude very much and 2. You know she’s not big on animals. You are basically saying that she should have done something she didn’t want to do, for the sake of a guy you don’t even like that much…
You were the drama here..
YTA. “She’s being dramatic” says the dipshit who started an argument just because his gf didn’t pet a cat.